It's okay to cry Ashley, I literally cried at every meeting for the 1st 4 months....I also ran out during my first meeting. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin.

Cry away, aint nothin wrong with that...maybe it's tears of relief.....

Ash, sometimes when we feel like we are in a place where we can finally admit that we are alcoholics and not be judged for it, but understood - it's overwhelming. Your experience is similar to that of many. Just keep going to meetings and it will gradually become less emotional for you. Having that experience makes me think you are probably in the right place and somewhere deep inside you, you knew it and you had finally come home!

Welcome!

Very well said HollyCrap

Crying is a great step!

We have a friend here that looked for every reason possible to not attend a meeting. Her biggest reason was she doesn't drive at night. I got her address and googled AA from where she lives. It still took her a few months to walk exactly 187 steps to the meeting. She is here rarely now. Why? because she is at the meeting.

I think they are tears of relief somewhat and yes, I knew I belonged there and wanted to stay really bad, but didnt want to look so foolish...
I know I will try again...I know I have to do this and stop running...I think I have been hiding behind this relationship...not that it his fault he is great, but I have so much I have to face and it is a little overwhelming at times...

I will try again tomorrow night...maybe have him go with me so if I do lose it atleast he will be there and I may not look so stupid sitting alone bowling...

Ashley, I'm a 42 year old woman in Australia. 10 years sober in AA.

Sweety, I'm giving you a big Virtual Hug. Welcome to AA and Welcome to a Totally New Life.

I think the crying is about relief, but I think for me it was also about being scared shitless. At he very start, like you I admitted to myself straight away that I am an alcoholic. But in admitting that to myself I realised I was in Deep Shit - it's an illness that takes everything away from people and can then take their lives. But because you are at the start, and like the person above said, we feel like crawling outside our skin, we DON'T YET HAVE THE SOLUTION as we're just new. It was one of the scariest times in my life. Letting go of the denial that I had had for 18 years of blackout drinking and the smothering of emotions that entails. And take away the booze and YEARS of emotions come to the surface and it feels unbearable.

So just give yourself a break, know that there will be loving and caring people in AA. If women offer you their phone numbers (don't take mens) RING THEM. Even if it is very scarey and uncomfortable.

I'm pulling for you. And don;'t be embarrassed by crying. I cried in meetings for 18 months, Everyone in the meetings has been through some version of what you are going throug now.

I'd rather see you crying uncontollably than on the booze.

Wendy

Ash, your experience is similar to mine. I had a reality check at my second meeting, and had to leave the meeting bawling. I sat on the stairs outside, and a woman came out to me, put her arms around me and said, "it get's better". I never forgot that. She took my arm and led me back inside, still crying. Ash, they're healing tears, and there's more to come. Welcome them, and go back to that meeting because it reached you. Hey, Ash, it get's better, it truly does, but you gotta make the effort. :}