4 years ago today at 2pm i drank my last marks & spencer lager that i had on me while at work with every intention of more of course at 5.30 for the journey home on the coach but i fell asleep and woke up feeling a little better and strange i truly believe something came into my life and i decided to stop i went to a meeting feeling pants and wanting to crawl in the corner and be left alone i dont remember what was said but i got in a members car and said will you be my sponsor id heard his stories i liked him he said yes but do you want to stop he said your drinking days are over kid , i said yes and i meant it for me not anyone else no promises i was finally doing it for me. towards the end i was on the verge of losing my job wife home everything probably even my life!! i guess my binges was continuous 6am till whatever time i could no longer open my eyes, id close the shop up go upstairs and have a well earned sleep :0) then wake up have a can to function again as you do, i was pissed at more meetings than sober people around me at work was finding out very fast i remember drinking and wanting to throw up my body could not stomach it but id lay on the cold floor breathing heavy swallowing saliva to hold it down well it would be a waste to throw it up eh :0) even when the bosses cam to the shop id whip of to toilet drink a can and go back well i guessd he'd never smell it i had mints and chewy lol one time i do rember was calling my dad and saying i cant do this no more i said i wished i was dead he cried i did i just could not understand how people would sit with coke and crisps and be happy i wanted that but my alcoholism said otherwise im laid thinking how my days was just thinking drinking every minute i was awake drink was the most important thing in life just for today i feel blessed and another day sober i do this just for today tomorrow ill deal with when it comes i often get asked you may be ok now but i know from the heart i know where it will take me i truly do i see now that over the years the illness got worse and worse today im happy to be alive and sober me and my now ex wife had a child ben (gorgous) i love him to bits i take him swimming and park and picnics and taking his remote controlled boat to the lake i get along better with my ex as friends im now with my lovely fiancee who's belly button birthday is also today she even said did i notice my birth certificate was registered on the 17th july :0) i love you all and we can all do this a day at a time.
today i look in the mirror and i like what i see peace and love xxxxxx