Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
i complete more than 4 years and 5 month sober today (left alcohol on 6 June 2008) Any suggestions when should a major decision like marriage should be taken.. I feel i should wait for 5 full yrs sober before getting married. Still don't feel i can handle the stress related with married life.. I complete 36 yrs on 18 Oct.. Any suggestions..???
Remember there are two of you who need to be "ready."
I've heard it said you have to be absolutely in love and enamored with the idea of marriage as the people (you and she) change but the principals and the institution shouldnt.
In my opinion it all depends on what you have done during the four years and five months of sobriety. An alcoholic who stops drinking and does nothing else can go on to have a great life. However, more often such a person may be more troubled and difficult to live with sober than when they were drinking. There is another thread here on D.S. about emotional maturity and it refers to how people stop maturing emotionally when they start to drink heavily. In other words, if a person started drinking at the age of fifteen and stopped aged forty, he would still have an emotional age of about fifteen.
Some people dont need a programme of recovery although there is hardly anyone, alcoholic or otherwise who would not benefit from such a programme. If you went through the Steps with a sponsor and have been trying to live by the suggested principles I would not see any reason for avoiding making major decisions because even after a few months you would probably have the maturity to make those decisions. I do not wish to castigate or criticise people who got sober without a programme or to generalise about such people. I take my hat off to anyone who can do it. However, experience has shown that such people often struggle with fear and other emotions. The fact that you are asking the question here would suggest to me that you have still not shaken off the emotional shackles.
You have asked for suggestions and I am sure that you will get many. My suggestion is to go to AA meetings, get a sponsor and work on getting your life straightened out. You can do that in a matter of months and then you will not need to ask about when you should make important decisions. The Big Book lists various sets of promises about what people will gain from doing the Steps and a couple of the Step 9 promises are as follows:
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
Don't know if you should get married -- I don't think I would wait five years -- that seems a bit artificial. If you love her and want to share her life journey then marriage seems like it might be the right decision. But maybe you are not a person who should get married.
Marriage is work -- not sure how much stress you will find in it or why you think it will be stressful for you. Something you might want to think more about.
Glad you are still teaching yoga -- yoga has become and important part of my life. And yeah -- it helps!
I met my Wife a month after i sobered up after two failed marriages , i knew she was the one for me ,my soul partner ,she has never seen me drink ,but it was not easy in the beginning what with my anxiety and ups and downs in mood ,but we have been together for nearly 13 years and it gets better ,hope that helps