I wouldn\'t become overly concerned about whether your husband relapses or not. What\'s important for you is that your sanity and happiness is stable and in check. I would check out an Al-Anon meeting in your area. He has to takes care of his addiction and sobriety on his own and you have to take care of your issues on your own. It sounds to me that your issue write now is WORRY, not your husband.Al-Anon believes alcoholism is a family disease and it is. It will offer you hope and support for how your husbands\' alcoholism is affecting you and your family. I wouldn\'t try to over involve yourself in your husbands recovery unless he has invited you to do so.

I have always stayed focused ,with lots of exposure to AA right in the middle not skirting away . I find that by attending alanon they could give the skinny on parts of this question; I needed Alanon for dealing with those closest to me
Billy

I think your husband should be concerned about relapse if he is going to so few AA meetings.

And, I doubt you need anyone to tell you whether you should be concerned-or worried-about your husband, as you probably already are concerned.

Dreaming mentioned Al-Anon, that\'s probably you best bet at this point. Learn how to deal with "concern" and other emotions associated with alcoholism. Being fully aligned with an al-anon group and practicing the Steps will allow you to go through life never needing anyone to tell you what you should be feeling.

In the beginning they tell new comers 90 in 90. I am not a big fan of this suggestion but it keeps us out of our own sick heads. Complacency and laziness are easy to fall into in the beginning. I was very blessed to find G-d this time around and he has opened my eyes. Today I do not have to go to a meeting but I have to pass the message on to others so I go and try to help others. I called my sponsor every day for over a year. Even if it was Hi/Bye whats up? Nothing, have a good night We need each other. I could not do it alone and failed several times when I thought I knew better. Voice your concerns in a caring way (if possible). I am sure he burned most if all of his bridges and life lines. Thats what we do and we deserve the consequences. Hold him accountable. It is his choice in the end. Keep us posted. I will say a prayer that he has had enough and asks for help.
Shawn

Your husband is consciously or consciously planning another drunk. His mind is telling him he is well and he has hardly even started down the path of sobriety. I am many years sober and still go to at least 4-5 meetings a week not because I have to but because I want to.
It took me years to get to the point of serenity and get to a place where i could say no matter what I don\'t have to drink. It is extremely unlikely your husband is at that point.
The unfortunate part is that you can\'t stop him from drinking if he decides to drink. The other thing is that it is not your responsibility.

Hi coke, All good advice. I advise al-anon as well. You can\'t keep your husband sober and you\'ll destroy yourself trying. Relapse is highly probable for him, it\'s not an easy road to recovery, and effort is needed. If that is waning, then yes, he is in danger. But you need to live your life and not allow your husband to drag you into the depths of his disease. Seek out a meeting and take care of yourself. God bless. CM xxx

coker,

Why are you still minding his business? Have you not learned the futility of doing that? You didn\'t cause it, you can\'t control it, you can\'t cure it. The disease of alcoholism has affected YOU.

My marriage would not have stood the chance of a snowball in hell if my husband had not sought out Al Anon. Regardless of whether he drinks or not, please get treatment for the effects of this disease on you. You deserve peace of mind. You will find it there.

It would be great if you can defocus off your husbands actions or inaction with regard to meetings and work your own program. Everyone has given you words of wisdom. I hope you will value yourself enough to get the help you need. Alcoholism is a family disease, therefore, it is not just your husband that is in need of recovery. Al-Anon is a great program. Please, please give it a try; you will find serenity. Your husbands recovery is just that, his.

I think all of the above advice is excellent. I noticed on your profile that every support group where you are a member, all details begin with "my husband is...".

I think you would benefit from more "I am...."s

Oh yes, please listen to some of this great advice-what he does is ABSOLUTELY out of your control. What you do however, is not. That is so hard to accept, I know first hand-I try and subtly and not so subtly manipulate my world. Never ever works! Keep focus on your business-staying healthy and sane, and the rest will take care of itself as it should.

And....What good does worrying do? Never has prevented a thing in my life-just caused pain and anxiety when I could have been enjoying myself and the moment.

I am one year sober without a single AA meeting. I was down in the dumps as bad as anyone. AA is a self help group . It is not absolutely necessary for maintaining sobriety. There are many tools that are available for remaining sober. I use yoga. And I keep myself very busy.
Its all in the MIND!

Yoga is a good addition to a treatment program--it wouldn\'t be a substitute for me--but that is my life. The only thing I can add to the excellent advice already given is that you might look in to an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting. Only ACOAs ask if something is normal--I a one. God Bless and put your own serenity and happiness 1st. sara

happy sober and free since 2/14/1976, also married to a guy who is happy sober and free since oct 13, 1972
jow happy and how much true joy and peace you fine i thinbk for me is in learning to live by AA\'s 12 steps, I could not have stayed sober on my own or with yoga and I would not have with joy without my higher power

Nancy

i can not recommend alanon strongly enough, you need to learn how to interact with the alcoholic in you life and it deoesn\'t matter if he is sober or drinking, you still need alanon! don\'t walk, run to alanon! he will drink or not drink regardless of what you do, you can not change what he will choose to do.
you have no control over his drinking and neither does he.
Nancy

Thanks for all the great advice. I am a member of alanon and I know I can\'t control his drinking. I do my best to not worry, but this was a red flag and I just wanted more input from those who had been there. I have come a long way and will continue to work my program 24 at a time.