I'd say that the only one that can declare you an alcoholic is you. Also the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. It may be hard to find a sponsor if your intent is not to stop drinking
That being said, you need not do any of these things nor declare yourself an alcoholic to attend and benefit from open meetings...

I don't know. What are your goals? What type of support do you need?

Do you want to quit drinking totally or avoid nights where you drink too much?

Do you want to sit in meetings in person? Are online meetings useful to you? Are discussion boards sufficient? Are you a reader?

Why the question about a sponsor? Is that what you are looking for? I am not in AA, but I would think if you want a sponsor, you would need to commit to follow the AA program -- isn't that what they are for?

Thanks Denny. My goal is to achieve a level of moderation and temperance. I really don't believe I'm an alcoholic and no, I don't believe I'm in denial. That being said, I think just about everyone in life has periods of frustration and such - I have "caught" myself and mainly turned to healthier outlets.

ExJersey - yes, I want to avoid over doing it and have the outlet to talk to someone about it. Your words were very direct on having a sponsor. I guess I'd be bugged as a sponsor if I were their sponsee and were having even one glass of wine.

This has been helpful to me so thank you for chiming in.

You might want to check out Moderation Management: http://www.moderation.org/

it is not viewed positively by many because of what happened with one of the founders, Audrey Kishline. She espoused moderation over abstinence and controlling drinking. Unfortunately, she was unable to do this herself and apparently drank excessively (and secretly) while she was part of the moderation management organization.

She recognized that her problem was beyond what she could handle through moderation, and wrote an open letter to the organization saying she had to stop totally and had actually started going to AA.

But she did not stop drinking, drove drunk, and killed a mother and child.

So just a note of caution about not letting moderation escalate to out of control....

I've heard of Moderation management...no meetings in the area unlike AA. So that's a downside.

I had seen that story about the woman at some point in time and it's really tragic. Fortunately for me, if I drink more than one, my wife drives (she's asian and can't process alcohol at all). When I drink more than a couple drinks, it's in the recliner at home. Appreciate the thought thanks.

I'm going to reach out to two friends today and run it by them. I'm honest with them on my drinking, lack of drinking and goals so I'll get their perspective too.

Hmm. I don't know of any normal drinkers in my group of friends, who contemplate AA sponsorship or who post on an alcoholism forum.
I heard it said before that you don't find non electricians on a forum for electricians:-)
But only you can diagnose yourself.
If you can drink moderately, fantastic. I could too, until I didnt. I'd quit drinking for a few weeks, a few months, even a year+ several times. Then I'd drink a glass of wine or two, then not for a few days, then pick up a few glasses....then not. Anyway w/in months I'd be back to drinking almost a bottle almost every night and then I'd start the entire cycle over again. Quit, convince myself I could moderate, repeat repeat repeat. Until I got so sick of how I felt that I got serious and got sober.

stickywick...your implication is that I'm an alcoholic. Assume for a second that I'm not. Where would you go to look for advice on DS? Sounds as though your friends fall into one of two camps - normal drinkers (whatever that means) and alcoholics. Seems pretty black and white to me. No shades of gray in the world?

I get a bit confused about the grey area I think. I suppose my thoughts run along the lines of - if you can moderate your drinking successfully then what is the help you need?

Hello iacceptme,

It matters not whether people here may think or imply that you are an alcoholic as the only opinion that matters is your own. However, it can be good to consider the thoughts of those who are looking from a distance as maybe they can see the picture differently and have experienced something that you have not.

There are indeed shades of grey in the world and also several stages of drinking. The alcoholic is a person who has lost control over drinking and the following is a good test:

If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.

The normal drinker is a person who can quit at will, have a drink or two and no more and who doesnt care one way or another about alcohol. Such people may sometimes drink to excess but as they nurse a hangover, drinking again will be the last thing on their minds.

Some people who were once normal drinkers gradually over a period of time drink more heavily and more often and this is where your shades of grey may come into play. After realizing that drinking is causing them too many problems some of these people will form the opinion that alcohol does not agree with them and they will quit drinking. Others will decide that they need to control their drinking and they will cut down on the amount and frequency of drinking. The third group will say to hell with the begrudgers and they will keep drinking heavily. A high percentage of this third group will go on to become alcoholics.
You seem to be trying to control your drinking but are finding it difficult to do that and therefore alarm bells should be ringing.

It is for you to decide but you could now be in this grey area. Normally, people who are not concerned about their drinking do not post on alcoholism forums and very few of them would go to AA meetings. Going to AA and getting a sponsor would be pointless if your objective is to control your drinking. However, if you honestly apply the above test to yourself and decide that you cannot control your drinking, the doors of AA will be open to you.

OMG! The horror!

Maybe you're reading into Sticky's comments something that's not there.

You came to the ALCOHOLISM Board, lol. I don't know any normal drinkers that end up here.

I'm confused by some of the comments and logic. Where on DS would someone recommend a person post? Chronic Fatigue? Eating Disorders? Health Sex?

So because I post in here that means I'm an alcoholic? Based on some of the thoughts here, 3/4ths of France is alcoholic? Ever been? Most people don't just have 2 glasses of wine.

The suggestions I'm getting are that I need to be an alcoholic to get help from alcoholics. That just seems insane.

I am sorry iacceptme you aren't getting the kind of responses you seek. If you want us to tell you that you're fine, you are just overreacting, that you just have bad days, etc. then you're in the wrong place. This is for dyed in the blue alcoholics who cannot moderate and if to drink could mean dying.

It's like me going to weight watchers forum, tell them that I had too much pound cake the other night, then get upset when people assume I am overweight and tell me about diet and nutrition plans.

So I am just as confused about it as you are.

Alcoholics won't give you advice on moderation. We just don't.

The trouble is that alcoholics don't have the experience to help out with much else than alcoholism where drinking is concerned. I don't know how to help someone regarding moderate drinking because its not something I have any experience of being able to do. It isn't a case of being unwilling to help, I personally don't have a clue how to.

The way my mind works is - if you can drink moderately then get on with drinking moderately or if you can't then I can share my experience with you. Surely you can either drink moderately or you can't and if you can then why do you need any help? I am genuinely puzzled! I don't think there is a group on DS that deals with what you are looking for because those people who can moderate their drink don't seem to have the need to talk to people about it.

Paul...your reply makes a lot of sense. Since giving advice on moderation isn't going to come from an alcoholic, I can follow that.

As I continue on the great gains and changes I've made, I'll look elsewhere. If that means going to an AA meeting now and again, I'll do that too. I wont get into day counting or if I have a sponsor. It's my life and my body and my program will be what I need for me.

So, you are on an alcoholism board, you arent in "France." My pov is that of an alcoholic, in a forum for / on and about.... alcoholism.
Alcoholics arent moderate drinkers. I don't know how to moderate my drinking.
If you want advice on how to moderate your drinking, and you are not alcoholic, then I'm stumped. You'll have to ask a moderate drinker how to do that.