Aussie, I was just curious as AA is REALLY not my thing. I've only ever gone out of sheer desperation and never had a positive experience.

I guess I was hoping to find others that are sober that didn't buy into the hole "I am powerless" thing. I don't think people are powerless. I have overcome many things and I hope one day to find the discipline and tools to overcome this as well.

I probably should have started a new thread last night but I wasn't feeling very bold then.

@bigbear, thanks for taking the time to respond. I was curious, you said you read of my anger. Where? I've never posted here before although I certainly have issues with anger/rage.

There are some folks here who aren't on the AA train - I am sure they will reveal themselves to you, or if you sift through some of the threads, you'll pick them out. Different journeys, different paths. If it keeps you sober and happy, then rock on, I say!

Good luck - still lots of support and info here, regardless of your program.

KatAnda, ignore Bigbear. He think only AA is THE way to stay sober.

I read Rational Recovery.org's book and website and no you aren't powerless over alcohol. It's up to us all if we decided to drink or not so make the decision to NEVER ever drink again and the weight of the world feels lifted from your shoulders. I love it! AA never gave me this peace of mind and I did it for 3 years. One day at a time is not good enough for me and no I don't want to spend my free time sitting in meetings with people talking about alcohol for the rest of my life. I'll pick and choose if I do that and when and with whom, not a bunch of strangers I have zero in common with and with whom have zero to do with you if you aren't in AA. It's like you are a leper if you leave it and I was relieved as heck! Like I got out of jail. Sorry to the AA'ers but this is the truth. Glad you guys like it there and keeps you from drinking though because none of us need that again and I am grateful for the times it did keep me from drinking till I found my own better way.

. Right out the gate my question to myself was; well if i aint powerless over alcohol,,,,whassup?? So, my thinking understood that alcohol must have some kinda demonic mystical power that wanted me dead, when I ingested alcohol it had the power becuz I had no idea where I would end up or what i would be doing. The unmanageability in step one is a spiritual thing that is solved when you find that power greater than yourself.
Lack of power is truly our dilemma.

@ Aussie, I agree with that approach. I was working on SMART Recovery, which is a spin off of Rational Recovery but somehow I'm lacking determination or discipline to follow through.

Frankie- I'm not looking for a power greater than myself. I truly believe that I have the power to make positive changes in my life if I work at it consistently and wasn't so lazy.

Bear- I'm not knocking AA since I know it helped many but the process is to turn my life over to god and I'm not sure I believe in god. And if I never sit in another meeting with someone talking about their problems with alcohol 20 years ago I will pull my hair out.

edit- if I *EVER* not 'never'.

KIS, a handful years of sobriety and sometimes I feel the same way. Stopping chemicals just clears a path for the inside job.
You really have to get deep down sick. And yes, some are doomed an ugly alcoholic death. That is alcoholism's sole job and it will never give up. Your only relief is a spiritual solution & NO it dont have to be GOD.
Best wishes to you.

Thanks for the kind words Paul.

Keepitsimple- My apologies for so rudely hijacking your thread. It wasn't my intention.

Shit, for the small amount i know DS is more powerful than me.
If I could have done it by myself i would have never googled "alcoholism" back in 07.

i cant sit here and say i am powerless because if i can stop drinking for 7 days and then pick up what does that say? it says i have the mental toughness to stop for a while and when i want it, i will use it. i dont sit here day after day aftyer day just drinking myself into oblivion. i just dont understand why i was going through all that mental pain over those 45 days. you know the last time i took it seriously i was taking meds for my mental illness and combined with not drinking i felt good. so i hate to say this but i think my destiny or higher power lies within a medicine bottle, now is this just another form of addiction?

I didn't become an alcoholic after the first time I got shit-housed around 10 or so yrs old. I've also never gotten a DUI, never killed anyone during my drinking, never physically harmed my kids, never lost my job, never drank at work. When I was drinking I didn't do a lot of things that I thought people did when they had problems with alcohol/drugs.

During my first couple of months in sobriety I was a wreck. I was angry, sad, confused...I no longer had my friend alcohol to quiet my head for a few hours a day. And I was angry at people who were telling me how I felt and what I was going through, and they had no idea. At first, I did not want to completely stop drinking, even though I've known for years that I've been an alcoholic. But I know that I cannot drink like a normal person, and my drinking will never be 'controlled'.

And now here I am, sober with all of the other problems I had when I was drinking. What I learn, verrrrrrry slowly, by going to AA and surrounding myself with people who's stories are eerily the same as mine, is that in order for me to stay sober, I have to change the way I live life, the way I act and react to people, among many other things. AA is not for everyone, and I am not saying it is the only way. But for me it is working.

it is my choice to drink or pop pills. I can point the finger all I want, or rationalize every time. But ultimately it is my choice. I am by no means a powerless person, and excel at many things in life. But I can tell you that I am powerless over alcohol. Like someone posted above me, if it is not a big deal to you, then don't drink. I cannot change the fact that I am an alcoholic, and pretending to not be is something I tried and failed at horribly for a long time.

Attraction rather than promotion. I can only tell you what is working for me, and the experiences I have had. I will not tell you that you are an alcoholic, or have other problems you need to 'fix' for a better life. I know that as an alcoholic, the last thing I wanted was for some asshole to tell me that I had a drinking problem, or that I needed to change this or that about my life.

Another thing I found out the hard way in early sobriety is that I will use anything in excess, not just alcohol. I relapsed on pain meds, and for a little while found myself gambling and lying about it to my wife. I have to be careful with a lot of things that normal people wouldn't give a second thought about. That's just how I am, the sooner I come to terms with that the sooner I can move on and move up.

keepitsimple --

you say: "the last time i took it seriously i was taking meds for my mental illness and combined with not drinking i felt good. so i hate to say this but i think my destiny or higher power lies within a medicine bottle, now is this just another form of addiction"

Taking prescribed medication for an illness or chemical disorder is NOT another form of addiction. And it is not "destiny or higher power" so much as it is being mindful of your health. If you had a heart condition or diabetes would you feel the same way about taking meds?

I think you have your answer.

It won't take away the pain of losing your children's mother or no longer having your kids. But it might help you move out of despair and loneliness and find some peace underneath the pain. Let you live your life again.

bigbear,

"Contempt"? What contempt are you referring to? Mine? I don't have contempt for AA and haven't seen any expressed on this thread. Seems like a strawman argument (feel free to google), arguing against something I never said thus implying that I said it.

I am happy AA works so well for you, be well.

Caps(bigbear) to me AA gave me a network of roadies that were equally or crazier than I am. The first couple of years were all about intense step work that created an awareness of what I needed to work on for life. MY character defects that are always waiting to pounce on me when I least expect it.
It took years to find this network I have and we all roll about the same. There is no way I would have found these guys/gals other than the rooms of AA/NA.
When they say its a journey, not a destination,,,so true.