I identify with what you say. I never wanted to abstein and AA to me was the pits. HOWEVER, I became willing to be open and honest and I really do have a life beyond my wildest dreams today. Sure it is not rich in materialism yet I found me....I found the me I had been escaping from all my life. And today, I like me too :)

I still go to AA weekly as it is my medicine and I truly feel at home there.

I agree with others, until I wanted to give up alcohol I kept drinking. Get your bottom on a seat in AA and let seeds be sewn.

Oh and on the 'god' front. I am not religious. I do believe in a higher power and I am so glad this is a spiritual program (and not religious).

Rehab sounds like a good idea. I never needed to go to rehab though...that may be because of where i was during my last alcoholic crises, China. But yes, i knew i would die soon if somehow i could not stop drinking. I sought out the help of AA on my own. Did not find live face to face meetings on the city i was in and then took help of internet skype meetings, which were held twice a day for all,, but mostly run by expats from china, korea and japan. that too did not work for a long time and i started drinking again...the pain was too great to handle without numbing myself again and again...then i started bleeding out of the arteries of my stomach and then vomiting blood...whole night i vomited blood and passed away, thinking that it was another normal session of nausea and retching..however..fortunately was alive the next morning to realize that i was indeed vomiting blood....i could have died either by vomiting too much blood and falling unconscious..or by aspirating the vomits into my lungs...was hospitalized..treated..and then released after about 7 days...from then onward never took a drink..never showed my back to aa..meditation...yogic breathing...exercise..good movies...good diet..a phone call to aa members or any one of the family members..whatever it is...that i have to do to keep myself away from drinking...it should good enough and worthy enough...for us alcoholics..a glass of wine is nut just a glass of refreshment...it is death..and that too a slow and painful one...which usually involves more than just oneself in the list of sufferers....i hope my experience helps...lots of love and prayers...

i have hep c and my liver is fibrous (whatever that means, i think something about it would b tough even with onions. sorry little joke to lighten the mood). they told me the worst thing i could do to my liver was alcohol. that was some help but thats not what solved it. AA saved my ass after being drunk for 32yrs. a spiritual experience is not the same as the Christian God. about the God thing. i dont know if there is a God but i know im not him. and id rather go through life believing in God, die and find out there isnt a God. than go through life not believing in God, die and find out there is.

u just have to believe that there is a power greater than yourself. ive seen people use their dog as there higher power. i hear there are AA groups for atheists. the thing with hep c is a 25% chance of cirrhosis or liver cancer. 3 of my best friends r dead. one liver cancer, one cirrhosis and one had cancer everywhere from breathing welding gas for 20yrs with no vent hood. i didnt see my buddy die of cirrhosis but my brother and sister-in -law did. and im friends with his brother too. they all told me how horrible it was. my ex girlfriends brother died this yr. cirrhosis. i heard all about it again. bad. there r lots of groups out there. ive talked to people that did quit using online AA meetings.

((Julie))
Regardless of whether or not you believe in God, the Program of AA can work. The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

There's a chapter in the big book devoted to Agnostics. It has also related to Atheism.

Detox in a treatment facility can help lessen or alleviate DT s
Many in AA choose to address their higher power as God . Some simply think of God as Good Orderly Direction I know many who have used that belief and stayed sober

There is hope. If you are willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober, then it CAN be done.

A sponsor can help you do through the steps to help make that possible. The fellowship is a benefit for support, and if you sincerely have a desire to quit drinking, it CAN be done

I encourage you to have an open mind, get honest, and work The steps. Try, just try it... You have nothing to lose, and life to gain. It would be so sad to wind up as a tragic statistic and leave behind children to grow up without their mother.
I hope you can find it in your heart to make the right choice

If you find that you absolutely refuse to get sober through the 12 steps of AA, then I encourage you to find a support group that can help in some way that works for you. AA has no monopoly on getting sober, but it has worked for many.

I can only share what's worked for me. That's where I gained my sobriety. I also had help from medical and psychological professionals.
It can be accomplished.

Best wishes and hopes for you to gain sobriety.

if your drinking really hard its best to have the medical community monitor your withdrawal. and there r plenty of people on here that know of routes to take not AA related. the CL on this forum comes to mind immediately

almost forgot. i asked an AA who had been sober a long time how come i couldnt stop with just me and God. me begging God for help. never worked. he said "if u pick up one stick its easy to break. if u pick up a bunch of sticks its way harder to break". its the group that can help u. other alcoholics. im wishing u the best of luck