Hi, I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation.

Unfortunately nothing you can say will make him quit drinking, he really has to make that decision himself. You might not understand this, but it is extremely difficult for an alcoholic to stop drinking. It isn't that he doesn't love you, it's that he is addicted and doesn't know how to stop, and might not want to admit to himself how bad a problem it is.

But even though you can't make him quit, you are his daughter and shouldn't have to put up with it. Here are some thoughts on dealing with it:

-- Do not talk to him while he is drunk about it. It won't work and might make him get very angry very quickly.
-- You might want to write him a letter about how you feel and give it to him the the morning (or when you know he isn't drinking.)
-- Protect yourself. If he is verbally abusive he can turn physically abusive, even if he hasn't.... yet.

You might be best off leaving. Who else is in your house? Have you talked to your mom about it? Do you have younger siblings?

You might want to look into counseling for yourself if it is available. You are in a tough spot and you don't want to carry around emotional scars from his abuse. Take care of yourself. okay?

It's always difficult for me to read or hear about what the family of an alcoholic is going through, as it reminds me of the damage I did when I was active. Sorry to hear about what is happening for you.

ExJerseyGirl2 pretty much outlines things when it comes to talking to the alcoholic in the family. Speaking to him while drinking is pointless, whether he's on his first or his 10th. Wait until he is sober to try and talk to him.

I love my son the pieces, but even he couldn't prevent me from drinking. Not my wife, not my parents, nobody. Again, it's not that your father doesn't love you, but alcohol has him in such a place that alcohol comes first regardless. And believe me, he's not having fun. It may not seem like it, but he's beating himself up inside like you wouldn't know. As an alcoholic, I felt worthless and didn't think anyone gave a damn, because I didn't give a damn about myself. I say that out my own experience.

But as EJG2 said, it doesn't mean you have to stay there. Alcoholics need to suffer consequences for their actions if they are to change, or even see what they are doing to themselves and others. And you could be in danger too.

You *can* walk out but at the same time you don't have to walk out on him for good. You have your life to live as well, and you don't need to be dragged into his vortex if you don't want to. It's up to you to decide what is best for you. You wouldn't be abandoning him, but you're protecting yourself and you're also letting him know that there are consequences to his actions.

I hope it works out for you.

Hi,
I am sorry. Keep loving him, he loves you. What these two guys have said to you is great advice. Pray for him. I will pray for you both.

Hello camybaby,

Sorry to hear that your life is being affected in that way. Unfortunately, as has been stated already, it is difficult to get an alcoholic to stop drinking. It does not mean that your dad does not love you but he suffers from an obsession that is stronger than any other emotion.

If you have not already done so, you could post on other D.S. forums that are for the families of alcoholics, because you are more likely to get help there from people who have dealt with a similar problem. You will find the same help at Al-Anon and I would urge you to check out their meetings. I do not know much about Al-Anon except that the people there are likely to have a lot of experience and knowledge that they can share with you.

Alcoholism is a serious illness that can destroy families. However, it is also possible to recover from it and to lead a great life so you should keep your hopes up. Buy a copy of the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) or read it for free online as it contains a lot of helpful information. Telling an alcoholic not to drink is often a useless exercise and it can also be counter-productive; in his mind you may then be seen as another excuse to drink more, which may seem crazy to a normal person but it makes sense to an alcoholic. Suggestions sometimes work where direct talking fails so if you can put doubts in his mind about his drinking he may decide to seek help.

I will pray for you . May I tell you what had a profound effect on me. My wife keeps a journal and would write in it each time I had a blowout which was usually Christmas Valentines day or big holidays... One day I was looking for some paper and it being a notebook looked in the back for a sheet and out fell a note she had written me. It was on Christmas night and titled" Merry F#king Christmas" Well I read that with about 2 months of sobriety and it made me want to stay sober when I was in a mood to drink. It was a miricle because she wrote those words about 6 years ago.. Keep a diary and then just give it to him on the way out. Maybe you can get him to snap out. follow up and drive him to an AA mtg. Alcohol is a symptom of other problems, so try and get him to open up and work thru those.. I will pray for you and him - 1is2

I totally agree with most the replies. Unfortunately you can't change him in any way. What you can do is take care of yourself. Alanon can help. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/for-alateen

I do want to thank you for your post. I have three little kids. By gods grace, and a day at a time, I pray they will never have to go through what you are going through. Your post is a great reminder that the craziest, most destructive thing I could do do the people who love me...I'd do sober. And that would be pick up a drink.

He has to do it on his own. Go to all anon,.set your boundaries with him by telling him how you feel when he is sober. I am sorry!

I identify with all who has share with you. Not only am I an alcoholic, I am married to one. So I would like to suggest you attend Alanon. It has saved my sanity. Alcoholism involves the mind, body and soul. Anyone who deals with an alcoholic is affected by it. This disease run rampant in many families whether drinking is involved or not. Because one thinking as been effected by it. Alanon help me change my thinking. Which in turn change my reaction or action toward the alcoholic in my life. Along with AA, NA and a church family I am able to find peace in the midst of chaos.