I think about this most nights but I don't want to offend anyone actually diagnosed with social anxiety so let's just not call it that way yet.
I can say I am a person without friends and by friends I mean people I actually can share with. I have just my boyfriend but even tho he knows everything about me I still have problems sharing. Some stuff I just can't make myself say. I can't imagine myself just being like: "Hey honey, how was your shift? I cried last night, yes that's a third night in a row". I do not feel like I shouldn't say I have a certain type of mental illness without actually being sure I do. Cuz yes, I can't start a normal conversation with someone without being scared that I will be judged or made fun of or order food on the phone but in the same time I do not have problems talking to cashers or waitresses. But I feel like if I tell my boyfriend about all of this he won't take it seriously and that's what I am scared of. The thing is - he never gave me a reason to think like that. And what do I say when he asks why I don't try to make new friends? Tell him that I am scared because I think they will find me boring and find out I do not have a single friend and hang with me out of pity?
At this point I do not know what to think anymore. Do I have a problem that requires help or am I just weird? Please, help me understand what I'm feeling
I can't give up...I hope life circumstances & health & everything haven't given up on me. I'm trying so hard. There has to be some form of something okay, I'm 34 & scared that my body & mind are just so broken down
i am so scared and so tired. I was at my best last year. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. I was happy. I lost a lot of weight when I got my narc mother out of my life. But then my dad asked me to have xmas dinner with them at a restuarant. I didn’t hear one word she said because I was doing a forgiveness meditation in my mind. But she saw that I was able to start a life away from her and she...