Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety Support Group
Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder, often precipitated by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no easy means of escape. As a result, sufferers of agoraphobia may avoid public and/or unfamiliar places. In severe cases, the sufferer may become confined to their home, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."
My story, which, I hope doesn’t scare anyone.
This is my first time doing something like this so I apologize if stuff’s a bit wordy. For the last 10 years, I’ve been fighting social anxiety like the Devil himself, and I’ve always been on the losing end. 20 years ago, I, after graduating, decided to work at a grocery store. At first, as a courtesy clerk, this was ok. Then I got promoted to checker. I saw immediately I was uncomfortable with it, feeling pressure constantly being in front of others for hours at a time. Initially, I asked my boss if I could go back to being a courtesy clerk, to which he responded ‘Are you sure that’s what you’d like to do with the rest of your life?’ So I stuck to it.
For a while, things were ok. I always wore a baseball cap with a pretty large brim, so when I felt myself tensing up, I’d just casually put my head down, and things worked well. That lasted for about 10 years. During that time, though I had minor issues, it was completely manageable, not overwhelming. One day however, I decided to wear a smaller cap, and went to work. Strangely, I started feeling nervous but didn’t think too much. However, people seemed to now be noticing my troubled expression and it seemed to start affecting them. This, in turn…made me panic, because I was trying my best to control stuff. Calm down, act normal, relax, etc…though anyone whose been at the start of panicking knows how murderously hard that is to do. Then my co workers began to see it as well, and I could tell I was making a lot of them uncomfortable. Try as I might, everytime I went to work, I would feel myself getting sick, like I was about to get on a rollercoaster aimed straight for hell. Some days were better than others. I could ‘pretend’ to be calm enough and get through. Some days however, made me feel like I was twisted inside out and not even human like everyone around me. I try to tell myself it’s pretty much all in my head, but when I start seeing it reflected in the faces of those I have to interact with, I just wanna run and hide. Buuuut being this is my job and I gotta pay rent, I feel kinda stuck.
For the most part, I’ve been able to bare up. Not to brag even slightly (and I immediately apologize if I come off that way in saying this) but I’ve never been one to suffer depression over this, in spite of the fact I feel I shoulda gone insane a looong time ago. Nonetheless, sometimes I’m so drained, I just wanna stay in bed all day.
With the corona virus, for a while, things started to greatly improve. I was in the hospital for a while with diabetes (which I didn’t know I had) and made a lot of changes, started losing a LOT of weight, and started feeling pretty good about myself. Wearing a mask also seemed to calm me down a little, and after I came back to work, for about 1 year exactly, I felt like a normal human being again. Everything got easier. And then. . .it came back. I felt myself start tensing up again, and amidst my bet efforts, I couldn’t calm myself. So once more, going to work is a 9-5 of hell for me.
I’ve never been a really social person, quite the introvert, which I’ve never minded even slightly since my hobbies are gaming/artist. I have a good amount of friends, and even a wonderful girlfriend I’ve met who has problems similar to mine. I don’t THINK I have angora phobia, at least not full blown, since/outside of going to work, things like going to the store, bank, etc, don’t bother me. I don’t at all consider myself a positive person, thinking one day I’ll wake up and this’ll all go away, which I think, might be why I’ve been able to deal with it for so long, thinking ‘Ah well, I’m screwed…keep moving.” But, at the end of the day, lugging around 20 tons of fear that doesn’t give is a bit…tiring.
I'm wondering if all my problems would go away if I simply up and quit.
Anyway, please feel more than free to share your thoughts or own experiences.
-
So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
-
Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Also, talk to a doctor. The root of your anxiety might be depression of some kind. (Have you heard the saying that "depression is anger turned inward?" Not always, though.) A supervised regimen of of psych meds could help you sort it out. I had to stop self-medicating with alcohol and pot many years ago, and I needed help from xanax and paxil for about a year, until i was able to calm down a bit. Caffeinated beverages got me up in the morning for 30 years, but now that I'm not facing people and working on a schedule every day, I don't need them,
A good massage can work wonders, too. Sometimes, that 15-20 minutes of therapeutic relaxation can really take the edge off a major daily grind. If you have a little bit of money to burn, buy a goldfish and the accessories. Nobody will listen to your rants like a fish does -- it never judges, never talks back, and never complains. A goldfish can live longer than just about any other kind of pet, with the exception of parrots, but enough about parrots. Getting a parrot is like adopting a two-year old with ASPD who never grows up. IMO, no bird should be kept in a cage.
Remember the whole secret to longevity: keep breathing. Good luck.
While dealing with this IS physically draining, I’m 99% sure I’m not depressed (which actually strikes me as odd, considering by all rights I shoulda gone crazy over this a while ago haha) The simplest way to say it is, I just shake it off. Something along the lines of ‘is what it is’, shrugg, ‘keep moving’ kind of mental routine. I know there’s a better approach, but it’s been working for the most part.
I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist, which is a medical doctor who knows a lot about what you're experiencing. They know all about treating social anxiety and panic attacks. They can suggest a plan of action that works for you, individually.
They may suggest therapy.
I can say that some medications, such as some of the SSRI's, almost completely gets rid of social anxiety. I did not know that was one of the benefits of taking my SSRI, but it will calm your mind enough that you don't care what others think about you and you have no fear talking to anyone.
Side note - most other people are just thinking about themselves, and what they need to do that day, etc. They most likely aren't noticing someone else that is having panic or nervousness. Other people are thinking about their own stuff. Hope that helps.