Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety Support Group
Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder, often precipitated by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no easy means of escape. As a result, sufferers of agoraphobia may avoid public and/or unfamiliar places. In severe cases, the sufferer may become confined to their home, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."
I am looking for advice for the situation I am in right now. A boy I went to high school with has been messaging me on Facebook for the past year or so. He's a really nice person and everything, but we never talked much in high school because he was in only one of my classes (in 10th grade).
Anyway, I go to college out of state and every time I come home, he asks if we can get together for coffee or something. In the past, I have waited 'til right before I'm about to go back to school and used the excuse that I ran out of time, and promise him that next time I am home we will do something.
Anyway, I used to make up excuses like this all the time when the few friends I had in high school asked me to do anything (which if probably why I have no friends anymore now). But this situation is a bit different because I feel really guilty. You see, this boy was bullied A LOT in high school. People would always make fun of him, even in the one class I had with him. I always felt so bad for him. I think he could really use a friend. He's a really nice person, just a bit different and never really fit in.
I really do not want to be mean and hurt his feelings, but at the same time, I am absolutely terrified of hanging out with him. I'm thinking it would be good to challenge myself because I do not want to remain afraid forever, but at the same time, the anxiety of it all is unbearable.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
Anyway, I go to college out of state and every time I come home, he asks if we can get together for coffee or something. In the past, I have waited 'til right before I'm about to go back to school and used the excuse that I ran out of time, and promise him that next time I am home we will do something.
Anyway, I used to make up excuses like this all the time when the few friends I had in high school asked me to do anything (which if probably why I have no friends anymore now). But this situation is a bit different because I feel really guilty. You see, this boy was bullied A LOT in high school. People would always make fun of him, even in the one class I had with him. I always felt so bad for him. I think he could really use a friend. He's a really nice person, just a bit different and never really fit in.
I really do not want to be mean and hurt his feelings, but at the same time, I am absolutely terrified of hanging out with him. I'm thinking it would be good to challenge myself because I do not want to remain afraid forever, but at the same time, the anxiety of it all is unbearable.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
There are many ways to send the general message that you don't want to be friends without hurting feelings. Making him a
'friend' on FB, responding to his messages, and then following through with a visit while you are in town sends the complete opposite signal. Promises of more next time only encourages him to keep trying. If you lead anyone on long enough then they begin to believe there is a bond and by then there are no kind ways to let them down easy. Either that or they will eventually see through your lies and feel not only hurt but resentment.
If you truly don't want to be mean then stop leading him on by feigning friendship when it is only pity that you feel in your heart. Many of us want more friends and maybe you're right in assuming he could use more, but you need to think about what being a friend truly means.