I suffer from extreme agoraphobia and its really frustrating at times but it doesnt effect other parts of my life im a single mum of 1 boy who is 3 so i do all the cooking cleaning and usual stuff like that. i used to be mess thou, i struggled to do alot of things like u have said ur bf sint able to do then my ex forced me to the doctors, best thing he cud have done, i then admited it was a problem and am now seeking help its a slow process the going out bit, but inside i feel a million dollars again and can do everything i now want and need to, even if that is indoors for now, but step by step day by day it will get easier, if any of this has helped feel free to message me anytime.

Thank you, yes, it is helpful. I'd love to talk about this b/c it's breaking my heart and I just want things to get better. This year has been hell for both of us.

He needs to help you at home, there's no doubt about that. Agoraphobia does not limit physical abilities, I did laundry, cooking, baking, dishes... and it made me feel good because I could contribute.

Good luck, I hope he comes around.

It seems like he is just being lazy. Although these disorders can be quite debilitating there is no reason he can't at least help out around the house and play less video games. He is making excuses for himself. Be patient with him with his issues but there is not reason you have to be patient with his laziness.

Thanks guys - I'm trying to take this one day at a time. I appreciate the insight. It's just so maddening. He takes c/o me in so many ways and has expressed his anger/sorrow that he can't contribute as much as he wants to. But sometimes it just rings hollow. I dunno. I just want things to get better. I can't live like this for another year.

Sounds like he is not only suffering from agoraphobia, but severe depression. He's in a funk and can't get out. Either that, or he's super lazy and figures hey, if you're doing it all... why get off his butt? Agoraphobia is fear of exposure.. people hate leaving their home.. and even sometimes leaving one room in their home or can only be in a few rooms. Doesn't mean they can't do chores.

dump him. love isn't enough for us. if you are with someone who doesn't care about themselves, is negative, and has given up. screw um. lifes hared enough for us to be sabatoged by someone who is supposed to be partners. just my opinion.

Anxiety can be debilitating. It's like any other illness or injury. It can impair your ability to live a full life if bad enough. I am fortunate in that I have been able to maintain a job and stay at least semi-functional in other areas of my life but there are those that can't.

At the same time, you will need to consider if this is what you want for your life. It's not for everyone. There are those in relationships with diabetics and paraplegics. Some stay on and take the responsibility and some decide it's not for them.

I agree with what everyone else is saying. Although I understand what your bf is going through, there does come a point where you have to at least get out of bed, clean yourself up and help out. It almost sounds like you're enabling him to stay depressed and unproductive by taking care of all the responsibilities. Telling someone to get over agoraphobia does not work, but telling them to they have to at least try to help themselves is perfectly reasonable. You need to decide what you honestly expect from him and let him know that if he can't do it then you have to move on.

It reminds me of an ex bf I had who was a drug addict. He always blamed his addiction and depression for being lazy and making me take care of him. His depression and addiction were real enough, but that didn't make it my responsibility to take care of him. And it didn't make me a bad person to stop. It's like they say, you can't control someone else's actions but you can control your own and you can set limits to what you're willing to put up with.

The one word I hate to see when discussing agoraphobia, major depression and anxiety disorders is "lazy". This is insulting and shows a lack of understanding. Severe anxiety interferes with most aspects of daily life, and yes, it just doesn't "make sense" to people, including the sufferer. Everyday chores can overwhelm a person with anxiety. From laundry to showering to using the phone. With therapy and meds, I myself have made some progress, including leaving the house and attending a couple of social functions. Has your bf discussed with you the treatment plan his therapist has for him? Maybe you could attend a session with him to get a little more insight. If you love him, please don't give up just yet, because it DOES take time to make even a little bit of progress. Absolutely DO NOT buy drugs (or alcohol) for him! If you suspect he's not taking therapy seriously, he may need to change to a therapist he's more comfortable with. If you truly believe he's not trying to help himself, THEN the relationship may not be worth saving. You mentioned you have your own issues, and I sincerely hope you are addressing them. You absolutely must take care of yourself as well!! Hope some of this input helps.

Thanks guys - I appreciate the input. I keep looking what I wrote and am kinda pissed b/c I focused solely on the negative stuff. He doesn't have a malicious bone in his body. He is very smart and capable of working and functioning. He has in the past and I know he will in the future but right now he can't and I've thought of kicking him out a million times but I just can't do it. I have my own mental problems. If he were to leave me b/c I was having an especially hard time...I'd be fucking devastasted. Like, kick me when I'm down, y'know? So I think I'll stick around for now.

And he does do SOME cleaning but I have really high standards :/

I really appreciate joanniekins' advice in particular. It took me a very long time to differentiate his situation from mine. For a long time, yeah, I'll admit it, I was like WTF is wrong with you why are you suddenly a lazy bastard? Then after many many months it turned into OK I feel sympathy towards you and all but SUCK IT UP and deal with it.

He's having an even worse go of things now b/c he has shitty state ins and he can't find a psychopharm that he can get to who takes his ins. So he's on like 5 dif waiting lists and we're just so fed up.

He's on Celexa and Ativan. His PCP prescribed these but is refusing to do more as he wants my bf to see a psychopharm now. I went to his shrink a while back when I was very angry. He basically said to be patient and not to stress the work issue for now.

This didn't go over with me at all. I've been working every day of my life since I was 17. I have a great work ethic and for a very long time I didn't understand how I could get up and face each day when he couldn't. I am seriously just now starting to get it.

At the same time I've had issues with my family and friends b/c of this. It's a very complex situation. I feel like he's just lost his way for now and I want to be there when he finds it again.

Hi again! I'm so very glad I could be of some help to you. Being able to talk about it in this forum is a sort of therapy for me as well! I think it's a shame that your bf's PCP won't continue to prescribe at least until he's finally off one of those waiting lists. I once had a three month lapse in insurance coverage which meant no therapy or medication. It was a very difficult time, but I managed to get through it. I'm also happy to see that your anger has subsided and that you are getting a better understanding of these illnesses. Don't ever forget about yourself and your own issues, okay? Also, thanks so much for the "friend" request. I was thrilled to accept it! Any time you want to chat is just fine with me. My thoughts are with both you and your bf...wishing your the best. Joanniekins

Yeah it's totally ridiculous. We don't have a car so he's really limited as far as getting around to psychopharmocologists. We have a weird set of family/friends around but nobody is really in a position to take him to one (that he wouldn't normally be able to get to with the bus) once a month which is also ridiculous. I'm trying to understand what's going on with him and it's a slow but steady process. Thanks very much for the insight!