OMG> That's horrible! I thought my mom was bad enough. I'm so sorry that happened to you. And that she then did a Jekyll/Hyde maneuver. What did you girlfriends think when she then tried to offer up snacks?

Ironically, your mother offered up cupcakes and that is part of your screen name. Any significance there?

My mom was consistently evil. Although she didn't break my arm, she was always yelling at me. She dragged me up the stairs once, by the arm, when I had a large scab on it from a surgery. Of course the scab tore off. I had few friends and they rarely hung out with me at my house.

And she abused alcohol and prescription drugs, too. And had mental health issues. Are you involved in Al-Anon at all? They have phone meetings and face-to-face. It might be worth checking it out and discovering you're not alone in this at all. It just felt that way :(

((HUGS))

Hey amelah thank you for your comments, yes the cup cake reference is part of my name on here. Cupcakes were her way of everything being ok, icing it over as it were so yes it's a pretty fitting name lol. I am so so sorry about what you also experienced as a child it's crazy to think that we actually made it and we are whom we are today ya know. I hated her and by the time I hit 17 I was outta there never looked back since, thank goodness for places like this where we can meet others and share and not feel alone. Xo

At least you got out and managed to never look back. I'm still stuck in the mire. I didn't know how to leave. Still don't. (She's now physically ill & has dementia, so it's different now) But my family of origin (2 N Sisters) is paining me more than my mom's illness. I wish I could detach. But don't know who I am outside that reference. Some of us survive better than others, it seems. Not sure if "I made it."

I agree, it's helpful to find places like this to find that I'm not completely alone in this experience.

((Hugs))

to add: I was drawn to the Title of your post because that was what my mother used to say to me my entire childhood: "I'm going to kill you!" as she pointed her crooked witch finger at me and hollered. Always threatening to kill me. No wonder I'm a wreck.

Oh I'm sorry we as children carry that with us through to adulthood , my mother would make reference to saying 'I'm going to kill you one day' and then laugh hysterically in that horrid high pitch , she sure was one deranged woman. I am sorrybthat you feel trapped I imagine I would still be that way if I had any relationship with her, my heart gies out to you and I am here should you need or want a friend. Xo jan

Dad said this to me all the time when he was made. I don't get it. What gives parents the thought that they have a right to kill just for being parents.

Hi I grew up with the crazy inconsistent mother for sure. My mother never let others witness this though, outside of our house she was a different person and we let people believe it. My mom was extremely negligent to the point where she didn't always leave us food in the house while she ate out and didn't bring home leftovers. I used to have a boyfriend who thought I was lying about her until one time he witnessed what she was like when she didn't know he was over. As soon as she saw him she softened her face, her tone and smiled at him sweetly, "oh hi". My mother was never physically violent though she made her boyfriend do all the dirty work and being a sociopath he seemed to enjoy it.

I'm glad we all survived and are finding support, however Amelah it sounds like maybe part of you doesn't know that you did survive. I discovered through psychotherapy that the trapped little girl inside me believed she had actually died I had to release that. I sincerely hope you can find some type of peace and take your life back. Hugs to all of you.

Sunnybunn I am sorry for your hurt and pain, it's so important for us to be able to come to a place like this and feel safe to vent and yell whatever we want. Also to meet others and share our experiences and souls. Hi faith wow your mom sounded a lot like mine in certain ways. . I'm so sorry it is almost like a death when we miss out on our childhoods and lose so much of our innocence. Hugs back to you ladies all of us are worth our weight in gold, we deserve to be happy and to enjoy a safe and healthy life. Xo jan

Gosh, that's scary, having a mother do a 180. The good news is that mother was consistently evil. So everyone saw it, except perhaps her own friends (that's when she was usually boozing it up and laughing). But my friends were afraid of her and my best friend saw the verbal abuse & what it did to me. Mom used to always say, "You are gonna give me an apoplexy!" Took a while to find out what that meant -- again, what a horrible thing to say to your kid! I thought, "Gee, I can't be That Bad!" I'm cause you to burst a blood vessel which is going to make your body go into convulsions? Really? Awful the things they say over & over & over. (according to internet:

"Apoplexy: A venerable term for a stroke, a cerebrovascular accident (CVA), often associated with loss of consciousness and paralysis of various parts of the body. The word "apoplexy" comes from the Greek "apoplexia" meaning a seizure, in the sense of being struck down. In Greek "plexe" is "a stroke." The ancients believed that someone suffering a stroke (or any sudden incapacity) had been struck down by the gods."

Good grief.

It was said in rage with that crooked finger always jabbing, pointing at me. Brrrr...

The good news is that it was so extreme, I could look at that and say, "That's not normal." The more difficult stuff is the mixed messages, the gas lighting, the labels. Things like "It's all in your head" ~ "It's all in your imagination" ~ "You're making that up" ~ "You've got a persecution complex" (Ya Think? Talk about manipulative!) ~ "You're crazy! Stupid. Dumb-ox. Lard Ass. Shit for Brains. Moron. Lazy-assed. What, are you stupid?"

God. No wonder I doubt my reality, always looking outward for validation. I'm working on it. DS and all of you here are helping me to see just how screwed up our parents were and the crap they did to us.

And Dad was a bully. A real charmer outside the home. Unpredictable as hell at home. Flim-Flammed from both sides.

Gah!!!

My mother pulled a Jeckyl/Hyde like this on me too. When I was 15, my friend was sleeping over. My parents had gone out for a while. We were having fun and I accidentally broke the glass on the front door while knocking to get in. I had a laceration on my palm that was bleeding pretty badly. My mother gets home and finds me in the bathroom washing the blood off my hand trying to make it stop bleeding. She starts yelling at me even though I am saying sorry it was an accident. Then she throws a ceramic soap dish at me. I turned my head in time so it didn't hit my face but it hit the side of my head causing a gash. My friend called her mother who came to get us and she took me to the hospital to get stitches in my hand and head. By the time I got home that night, my mother turned into this sickly-sweet doting mother type she never was. She even had a brand-new pair of pajamas folded all nicely on my bed for me. She never once acknowledged never mind apologize for what she did. I remember thinking this reminds me of that movie she loved so much - Mommy Dearest. Joan Crawford was one of her favorite movie stars as was Joan Collins.

Wow! I called my mom "Mommy Dearest" once as a teenager to make a point, did not go well.
hmgm glad you made it through.
CupcakeCurls even though the only true sweetness your mom gave you were cupcakes you turned out awfully sweet:)

Faithtoday thank you that 's a huge compliment lol lol.. We all need to stand together because we all experienced different tales, lives, loves to do with with our upbringing. X

My mom sadly is a lot like that

Oh wow. Hmgm. You mean I'm not the only one who was injured and mother didn't show any concern? (although my god, your mother doing the 180 ... with the new folded pajamas... holy crap! though I suspect that was her way of apologizing ...)

A friend was angry at me and threw a frisbee very hard, directly at my face (he was 3 feet away & had strong aim) -- I can still recall the shock & the pain at it hit the bridge of my nose ... and blood gushed into my hands ... I never saw so much blood... ran home, trying not to mar the doorknob as I entered the house, ran to the kitchen sink (it was closest in proximity and mother always yelled over messes) ... she was on the telephone and saw me. I don't remember much more -- other than her yelling at me for making a mess. There was no 180. There was no Jekyll. Just Hyde.

Years later, discovered that what I had suffered that day was a broken nose. It had not been checked at that time. No ER visit. No Dr. My mother was more concerned about the cleanliness of her house. My nose has never been fixed. It's a real problem with my allergies nowadays (causing post-nasal issues) and is politely called a "deviated septum."

Sigh. I'm so sorry that our mothers couldn't nurture us the way we so desperately & rightfully needed...

EEK Amelah that is horrific. xxxxx