Thank you so much for sharing part of your life, its so helpful to know we are not nor were we alone in our experiences, I wish us all the strength and love and safetyness that we should of had back then, now. God bless all of you and again a BIG thank you, hugs Jan xox

Yes wishing us ALL continued healing and peace.

My Nstep dad excuse used to do this to me and my sister. He'd even threaten to kill our pets and my Narc mum. One time, my Nmum had to go help take care of her dad, he had had a stroke. Me, the house cleaner/maid and babysitter had to clean the house because mum was going to come home this particular day. Well, me and middle sis were supposed to clean up and vacuum the floor (I was 6 my middle sis was 4) I was trying to vacuum when she was playing around, and not cleaning. (I hated being made responsible for cleaning. Plus, if we didn't clean, we got beaten. I'm not going to even go into what would happen) Well, she was pissing around and so I ran the hoover over her toes. She screams out loud., dearest Nstep excuse runs upstairs and in one hand, grabs my head, in his other hand grabs my sister's head, and then proceeds to bash our skulls together. We had giant goose eggs on our heads, and we were not allowed to cry, and he sent us to bed at 2 in the afternoon. My sis started crying loudly because her head hurt and because she is/was his GC, he then *feels* guilty, because we each had these giant lumps on our heads, he then takes us down to the local town, to the pub, where he buys us crisps (potato chips) and fizzy soda. He later tells my Nmum that we were playing and we did that to ourselves.

I'm so sorry that all of us had to go thru this hell with our parents. it makes me really sad reading all of these memories. I just feel so helpless sometimes that this shit was done, and I'm struggling as we all are, trying to overcome this shit.

I'm speechless. You had to hoover up when you were six? Then he's bashing your heads together? Two little girls?
OMG Lady. xx

It makes me so sad to read how we were treated, we are strong we were then and are now to even be where we are today . We deserve peace we deserve to be loved and looked after and spoken to with respect, we deserve to start living our lives that were taken from us as children. Respect to all of you. Jan xo

I second that sentiment. So many days, I feel so awful. And thank goodness for this place. It truly is a godsend. But, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, on one hand it's comforting to know that I, or we are not alone, but then on the other hand, it's so sad that so many children, grown children here are still hurting and trying to get strong and make sense of what happened. Makes me mad as hell. All of us, hear joined together in a bond, a really sad collective bond. Well, I am glad that I can share and we all can, and we can each choose to get stronger. Here, is the best family, because everyone understands. I just wish it didn't take pain to bridge people. I send out hugs to you CupcakeCurls and everyone here. May one day we all rise above this and be free from the painful reminders of our pasts.

I had to take care of my sibs from their coming home from hospital. The first was at 19 months old.
I thought I was the only one with a crazy mom who would be yelling at me and answer the phone in the middle of a sentence to sound sweet like nothing was wrong, then hang up to yell right where she left off. No one ever believed me either. O

I even tried therapy where they constantly compared my situation to "real" abuse when children are injured. Even thou a sib would beat me to a pulp and once smashed a toe, I never went to a doctor unless they could not stop the bleeding and then they refused to pay for any anesthetic!

Oh gosh sunnybun. Unfortunately, in NARC families, often siblings too can become the abusers. And whereas home is supposed to be a place of refuge, often, it isn't. These people are the ones' that are ill. Not you, nor anyone else. We all know the truth. We're just doing the best we can to survive and become stronger. ANd find our voice. I hope and wish this for all of us.

Bless all of us and thank you all so much for sharing your experiences . Respect to you love and hugs Jan xo

I am beginning to realize that we are very strong.
I have to say that this is the first time in my life that I have felt validated when I talk about things that happened.
Thank you each for being so kind.

Hmgm I'm so sorry that you had to go through that experience, we here all know that our parents were and did change their personalities at the drop of a hat, they didn't know how to parent consistently maybe deep down that's why I never had kids.. Who knows. My thoughts are with you when you re-live this shit we had to suffer. God bless you all. Jan xo

Thanks Jan. And thanks to everyone in this group. We're all survivors. And I can see the goodness in our hearts. Peace and love to you all.

I can completely relate to this, the jackal and hyde routine, the manipulation, the attempt on my life multiple times... I only found out in recent years what the real reasons and causes of my childhood truama, its a bit long winded but ill share my experience... After i was born my biological father left and started a new family leaving me with my mother, not long after, she met a guy and he become the person i thought to be my father, my memories only go back to when i was about five so i never knew about it growing up. My mother used to blame me for every little thing that happened in our family, told me she hated me and never wanted me, mentally, physically and emotionally abuse me, my father used to work away during the week so he never saw what was going on and when he got back she would wind him up about me saying what she could to get him to punish me but he would never beleive me "calling your mum a liar?" he used to say, i once said yes and it didnt end well for me, so they used it as a fear tactic after that coz i wouldnt dare say anything, this went on throughout my entire childhood, they alienated me from other family memebers and family friends so i had no one to go to, when i was seven years old she held my face into my cereal bowl full of milk till i choked, nine years of age, she came into the bathroom and held my head underwater till my little brother heard me struggling and came in, then when i was 15 she strangled me on her bed, telling me that i shouldnt of been born, i ruined her life etc, that was when i saw the look in her eyes and knew this was it, she was going for it, accepting your gunna die at that age can change your fears and expectations, but luckily my father didnt have his headphones on at his computer so he heard her screaming and came in, dragged her off me and locked her in the bathroom till she stopped trying to get at me, i just sat there, didnt know what to say or do, funny enough i still got the blame for triggering her but i never can remember what i did, after that i thought my father would have seen what i had to go through when he wasnt there but he carried on just like she did... She always gave me this look, like i killed someone she loved or something, i could never figure it out... She kicked me out when i was 16 and halfway through my first college year, then 3 years after that i needed to get my birth certificate, i went to my perants and asked for a copy, they came up with excuses so i went online and got one, thats when i found out the truth, my biological father cheated and left her for someone who he is married to now, obviously he couldnt be with my mother, my "step" father had threatened him to stay away from me and never contact me while tearing up cards and letters and forcing me to call him dad instead... Im a spitting image of my biological father, so everything started making sense if you know what i mean... I tried going to social services once when i was younger, but they put the fear of me getting removed from my friends so i never did it... So i can fully understand the lasting effects that everyone here has also felt, you can get closure but itll always be there... I havent spoken to or seen either of them in years and they will never be a part of my life again... I hope your okay dude! Surviving a mother that is jackal and hyde can make you stronger, whenever you feel fear or anxiety just remember you survived the worse thing you already could have... Nothing in life will stop you.