Also, why do I feel guilty that there is an entire post dedicated to me...ugh.

Hi Cheesenuff

The first thing I'm going to say is that I believe you. Because it's nice to be believed. I too suffer with stalker parents.

You're here for support and what I had to do (although this is British law and I don't know how it will translate to US law) I hired a lawyer to send them both letters threatening legal action if their harrassment didn't stop. It hasn't stopped and it look like I will have to get a Court Order to restrain them. What I will say is that even going through the motions of seeing the solicitor, making it real, making the separation - it's empowering. Do it. Get legal help.

As for your car, take it to a garage asked for it to be checked for a tracking device. PI's are lazy these days, they let the tech do the work. If there is a tracking device it's extra evidence for your lawyer to use against her.

Hire a PI yourself to set her a trap.

Don't put up with this. You have friends here, we all believe you.

Take care.

C.x

I had to click on this to read it because I couldn't remember if I wrote it. because my mom stalks me too!!! I"m 35.

I totoally believe you! I don't have kids, but my mom does similar things to me. When I won't answer her she goes to all the family and turns them against me, then contacts all of them or my friends and gets everyone in a panic about me, because she tells them I'm "missing" or shes SO worried because she hasn't heard from me in less than 24 hours. So then those family members or friends contact me to ask what's going on..and if I'm okay, its nuts. I totally wouldn't put it past my mom or another family member who actually has money, to have me followed by a private investigator. I would definitely not put it past my mom to call and impersonate me to get my medical records. My mom would go to the lengths yours would go to as well. Its scary! She is stalking you! My mom stalks me too, just not to that point yet. I always give in once she starts getting others involved, because I don't' want her bothering my other family or friends, but thigns are about to get BAD because I'm moving and I haven't old her/not telling her. I'm about to cut ties completely. and I'm scared and so nervous, because I know things are going to get bad.

I SO believe you - I too have been stalked for years. Not by my mother - by someone who thinks he's entitled to steal everything my husband worked a lifetime for. i know how daunting this can be.

What has been suggested to me is to keep a written record of each and every incident. The following in your car (I had the same experience that you have had and it's amazing how stupid they are with following your every turn) - the gifts, the calls - keep it all in writing. I think you should file a police report on her actions. No one is entitled to make your life miserable. Having a consistent diary of everything that happens will help. I would also print out anything she says on facebook that could be useful to you - and for sure keep copies of the emails.

Your mother has serious mental problems and what she is doing is despicable. Please don't ever let her take your son anywhere.

There is such a thing as "gang stalking" and it looks like your mother is doing just that to you. Enlisting the help of others to harass someone has become somewhat common to the underbelly of society and they actually get a kick out of what they do. Maintaining your composure is the best thing you can do. I tend to go off when something is pulled with my car or when my animals are injured, etc. by the jackass that is having me stalked but that just gives them a kick and energy to keep it up. So I have stopped reacting much. If you can do that it may help your situation.

I am just so sorry that you are experiencing this and if you ever feel like talking about it - I'm available. It is no fun to go through this alone.

Hi. I'm checking back for an update on how things are now.

My mother just started stalking me, she has been in Atlanta for a few months gathering information on me, she just came out of the closet telling my family that she is concerned about me b/c she knows i'm hurt. I am coming out of my job the other day and surprise it's my N-mom who I haven't seen in almost 3 years coming around the corner. And you know what she say's? Hi, Aja. Creepy, like we have been talking this whole time. I know that it is just beginning, just when I am just beginning to break free from the inside her she comes!!!!!!!!

Stalking is a crime in most states.
Make a complaint to your local police station.
Keep a diary of each and every event.
Get as much survalince devices you can afford and record everything that happens.

You have the right to have people around you who will support you and care for you. You have the right to privacy and peace. You have the right to feel safe.

Sorry it has been so long and I have not replied. I just wanted to post back 2 things: 1. I just realized how easily people find things on the internet and 2. Isn't this sort of proof of staling and gaslighting? I just got this email from my NM:

From: Ada <A************@aol.com>
Date: Wed, Oct 24, 2012 at 1:33 PM
Subject: These is your posting on Narcissistic Mother
To: K********* <K*************@gmail.com>, K*********** <kristi@carpenoctem.tv>


Dear Kristi, I heard your complaints about your childhood and wish more then anything I could make it better change it correct it or erase it! I can't honey all I can do is learn from it and make it better - A friend of mine whom I've share our story with found this posting of yours on that website and I need and must set the record straight Kristi-

Let me start by saying - I NEVER EVER stopped your father from seeing you for any reason whatsoever and I still have witnesses to that, never did I mention child support when he called to arrange to see you, as a matter of fact even though I was getting no child support I still bought father's days B-day and Christmas gifts for him for you to give to him- remember ?

Since you stop being in my life, I barely have left the house even to get my hair done and I have witnesses to all of that - I have NEVER even drove by your house let alone stalk you or hire anyone to do that - I did with your father to find out if he had another woman - but I would not even think of something that completely ridiculous with you-

I have not followed you or had you followed - I have not broken into your car or left gifts at your house - I have mailed you cards and Christmas gifts and flowers you returned to me, that was all I did and nothing more - I don't know if someone is messing with you and or me - pretending to be doing these things to you to distance us? Scary very scary - now I'm truly scared ! :((((

I did call Dr.Lindebaum whom would not discuss you, yes I called your therapist to ask him why he told you you needed to grieve me, but he never talked to me and I only called him twice - I have NEVER impersonated you at Kaiser or anywhere else for that matter - I don't understand how or why you are saying these things they are NOT true!

I have not hacked nor would I even know how to hack a computer - the family members are upset with your behavior and I have NOT turned anyone against you Kristi, you are my daughter and as hurt as I am I would NEVER want anyone to hurt you or hate you!

I have no idea what it is that you are accusing me of doing to the baby, I did not give him coffee I only gave him the empty cup and he licked it, I've never given him beer or any alcohol I am serious about this disturbing accusations. Please remember you wanted me to have a relationship with him but not with you, and I said no! "I want one with you both" so why are you saying I hurt him? Could it be someone is lying to you Kristi? Remember good old Christina and how she tried to come between us? There are many Christina's in the world sweetheart - ugh !!!!

I am willing to talk to you anytime and show you any proof that I'm telling you the God honest truth.

I have NEVER gone to any lawyer about visitations other then the lawyer I had to use when you took me to court and that had nothing to do with any visitation - I can ask FB to send me transcripts of what I posted, I NEVER slanders you on FB or anywhere ! I never said any of the things you are saying I posted, but I could and should inquire with FB to see if I can get all my postings -


I love you and miss you with all my heart and being - I am working on myself and all my issues - if I am in fact a narcissist I will work to correct my behavior and how I treat you and others, I can't change it but can not cure it, if in fact I am, the 1st step is recognizing it!


I am soooooo sorry for all this unnecessary hurt you are going through over things that are true and soooo sad to read this blog of your and learn these things you posted and also said in court that are so wrong honey, none of those things ever took place, I swear to you in Nana's name honey - I have no clue why those things took place, but it was NOT my doing or anyone I sent or told - it makes me so angry and sad to know you have been living believing these things -


I adore you Kristi, love you unconditionally and always , I am your Mom and want to be a better Mom for you! You need your Mom and I need my girl-

Let's get to the bottom of who or whom have been putting things into your head or fabricating stories, this is unbelievable - you see stuff like these in movies and you thing it's only in movies - OMG never in real life!


I'm here always ready and waiting for you with open arms when ever you want to try and make the journey back - ((((hugs))) Please take good care of yourself - I love you more then you ever know - more then I can express with my inability to properly communicate - Always and forever Mom XO









Being stalked by my narcissistic mother...
Posted on 01/30/12, 04:30 am
I don't even know where to begin. I am a 30 year old mother of a sweet little boy. Since you are a member of this group, I am sure my story of childhood abuse/neglect is not all that different from most of yours, so I wont go into all that right now. Because of some incidents that occurred with my mother involving my son, I decided I could not keep her in my life. It has been close to two years since I have spoken to or seen my mother, however she continues to harass me and stalk me. I thought I was being paranoid when I began seeing parked cars (always with a person in them) outside my window. I receive unwanted gifts, cards, deliveries, etc. I had to block her phone numbers and email because I would literally receive 10-15 calls/emails a day screaming at me, threatening me, and slandering me. She has somehow turned several family members against me and they began calling me as well. That has stopped at least. However, she has began calling and writing to my friends, acquaintances, my husband's family and friends, and even his work. At first she is trying to enlist their help in getting to me, but when that does not work she becomes belligerent and abusive. The calls continue, even when people ask her to stop. She has even contacted my doctors, therapist, and impersonated me to Kaiser in order to gain access to my medical records. She has been slandering me using social media and has posted information about me that she could only have ascertained by following me, having me followed, or somehow eavesdropping or hacking my computer. She recently admitted on facebook that she had a private investigator following me and forwarded me emails that I was sending to other people. I had someone break into my car. They only stole personal items, my son's toys, and papers. My stero, etc was intact. We live in a secure building but have had vandalism and "gifts" show up on our doorstep. She has made comments on facebook and to people I know that "Kristi may not see me, but I see her all the time." The other day, I was followed while driving in my car. I kept making right turns and went on a zig zaggy route to see if it was just my imagination. I was followed for 5 turns and had the car change lanes every time I changed lanes. One time, another car had to swerve to avoid hitting the car following me. I pulled into a busy shopping center and they pulled in behind me but then stopped following me when I decided to go through a drive through. She posted on facebook that she went to a lawyer to seek visitation rights but the lawyer would not take her case. Even though they had joint custody, my mom used to keep me from seeing my dad when he could not make a support payment on time. She is obsessed with seeing my son and I am afraid she is going to take matters into her own hands like she did with my dad. I am scared and I have no idea what I can legally do because she has not made any specific threats. Have any of you experienced this? Do I have any options?

On Wed, Oct 24, 2012 at 1:42 PM, B Daines <merry.whoo@Yahoo


On Wed, Oct 24, 2012 at 1:26 PM, Ada <A***********@aol.com> wrote:
Please B send me that link to my daughters posting - please

Ada Sent from my iPhone


Ada Sent from my iPhone

This is basically my worst nightmare chessnsnuff - I am so sorry you're going through this right now! I've often thought if nmom ever wanted to check out my online goings on, she could - which has led me to several "abandon ship" scenarios where I delete my DS account. Also, your mom's response is something I'd expect my mom to say too - basically not acknowledging your perspective and trying to make herself both the victim and the saint.

So did someone basically rat you out to your mom? That truly sucks! We all have trust issues and having someone send an anonymous post to your mom is really horrible!

I hope things get better for you!

Sounds all too familiar, that is now n people work...they play the victim, and blame others for getting between you and her. Same here. I understand completely. How would anyone even get online, in this specific discussion group and FIND this? I mean really.. you'd have to search pretty hard. or someone that knows you would have had to know you on here and tell your mom. This is stalking.. it is, Don't fall for it...don't fall for the "I never did anything"...routine. I think her letter SOUNDS nice, and that's how my mom i stoo, she does that for show, to make herself look good like she is trying to make it work. IF you want to discuss things, I suggest do it with a mediator/ a therapist, not the two of you on your own. You don't want her "brainwashing" you .. hugs..take care, and good luck!

someone in here mentioned their mother slandering them, why not take her into court and sue her? i bet that would make her stop with the slander once u put a price on it! i was reading everybody's posts gee sounds like my parents to a T!! i talk about these issues with my therapist about my parents' narcissism and trying to find better ways to deal with it so i dont get sucked into being a narc too

Well - the things you have described are very clear - and you would not have that clarity if you were wrong about what is going on.

Remember narcissists will deny, deny, deny to get you back into their clutches. Leopards do not change their spots - and neither do narcissists.

Good luck to you hon - I'd say the fact that she had a copy of your post confirms that there is stalking going on here.

Take care of yourself.

LJ

She admits trying to get your therapists to talk about you to her. Why would anyone believe only that and nothing else?
She has twisted everything to make you feel nuts. Classic narc behavior.

i agree with sunnybunn. well, my therapist doesnt feel my mom is a narc as i have read everything about a narc mother and she fits it to a T! she told me my mother has deep hidden underlying issues so does my dad but she agrees my dad is a narc but not my mom? ok, my mom has learned it all from my dad and prances around how she learned from the master. she claimed she only learned it to give him a taste of his own medicine, well that sucks now cuz ur using it on ur own kids which she doesnt see or get.

mom twists everything making u a nut job which is a classic narc behavior but my therapist doesnt see it only she just has issues. sorry, but i totally disagree! i just get so upset when my therapist tells me how my mom isnt a narc that she is lonely. why is that my problem? lots of ppl have told me she is lonely so what? i told her my mom made it clear that she basically doesnt have children, grandchildren, a husband, etc and is perfectly fine without any human contact.

sounds ridiculous right? that is what she yells and screams daily whether there is a deep hidden msg or not. this is how i see it with my parents: you said the mean, hateful things/you caused damage(s)/never apologized for it/and meant it. sounds like to me that actions truly speak louder than words since they continue to be the same assholes/douchebags as they are since i was a kid!

lies, power, fear, and manipulation are so powerful which makes it very hard to get ppl to see where ur coming from as they think ur families are so wonderful how could u say such things? ppl call me a liar while my parents are saints where's the fairness in that?!?