Adult children of narcissistic parents Community Group
A space to explore our thoughts, feelings and experiences that have occurred as result of our childhoods with narcissistic parents (one or both). It is hoped that we can use this space as a further tool by which to take control of our lives from those we have inadvertantly relinquished it to, heal the hurt and be happy.
I don't even know where to begin. I am a 30 year old mother of a sweet little boy. Since you are a member of this group, I am sure my story of childhood abuse/neglect is not all that different from most of yours, so I wont go into all that right now. Because of some incidents that occurred with my mother involving my son, I decided I could not keep her in my life. It has been close to two years since I have spoken to or seen my mother, however she continues to harass me and stalk me. I thought I was being paranoid when I began seeing parked cars (always with a person in them) outside my window. I receive unwanted gifts, cards, deliveries, etc. I had to block her phone numbers and email because I would literally receive 10-15 calls/emails a day screaming at me, threatening me, and slandering me. She has somehow turned several family members against me and they began calling me as well. That has stopped at least. However, she has began calling and writing to my friends, acquaintances, my husband's family and friends, and even his work. At first she is trying to enlist their help in getting to me, but when that does not work she becomes belligerent and abusive. The calls continue, even when people ask her to stop. She has even contacted my doctors, therapist, and impersonated me to Kaiser in order to gain access to my medical records. She has been slandering me using social media and has posted information about me that she could only have ascertained by following me, having me followed, or somehow eavesdropping or hacking my computer. She recently admitted on facebook that she had a private investigator following me and forwarded me emails that I was sending to other people. I had someone break into my car. They only stole personal items, my son's toys, and papers. My stero, etc was intact. We live in a secure building but have had vandalism and "gifts" show up on our doorstep. She has made comments on facebook and to people I know that "Kristi may not see me, but I see her all the time." The other day, I was followed while driving in my car. I kept making right turns and went on a zig zaggy route to see if it was just my imagination. I was followed for 5 turns and had the car change lanes every time I changed lanes. One time, another car had to swerve to avoid hitting the car following me. I pulled into a busy shopping center and they pulled in behind me but then stopped following me when I decided to go through a drive through. She posted on facebook that she went to a lawyer to seek visitation rights but the lawyer would not take her case. Even though they had joint custody, my mom used to keep me from seeing my dad when he could not make a support payment on time. She is obsessed with seeing my son and I am afraid she is going to take matters into her own hands like she did with my dad. I am scared and I have no idea what I can legally do because she has not made any specific threats. Have any of you experienced this? Do I have any options?
Sorry to get so off track but I empathize with OP. I hope they are safe and happy today.
First two times I just said hi on the porch and I left for work. That was fine. She didn't demand much. Then a few days later, I didn't want to greet her anymore and didn't open the door while she was there - and she started to bang on my door before work, demanding me to see her. Because I didn't open the foor, my arms and legs started to tremble and feared for my life. I realized my trauma has returned. At 50 years old, I was apalled that I hadn't managed my traumatic symptoms after many years of therepy.
I still had to go to work and my front door was the only way out and I knew she was on the other side of the door waiting for me - so I opened the door, saw her sitting in my porch - so I ran to my car. on the driveway. She chased after me, opening the rear door of my car and got in as I was getting into the driver seat, and said that she would come to work with me. This was getting abusurd. I left my car I ran to my other car on the streeet, again she chased me down. This time, I managed to lock all doors after I got in - but she managed to rn fast enough to block my car from leaving until i told her everyting was fine. She kept crying and pleading with me. She stalled me for 20 minutes. I gave up, and gave her a fake "everything is ok mom" waive. She smiled and relented and let me go.
I was so traumatized on that day that I couldn't do anything when I arrived to work and was dazed all day, tired, distraught, confused, angry, lost. My wife said I needed to stand up for myself and let her know how upset I was and what she did that morning was not acceptable. I have had enough. She had no right to invade my privacy. I did not have to feel intimidated in my own house. When I came home that evening, I angrily yet still trembling walked across the street to her place and stated emphatically to her "Mother, if you ever block my car again, I will call the police and have you arrested". She quickly gave me ten "Oks' and nodded her head. I left abruptly. I didn't believe her.
The week or so after that incident I was having flashbacks each time I left my front door, scanning my driveway to make sure she wan't stalking me before I got into my car. It's been four weeks, and she hasn't dared to come over to my place again. She kept texting me aplogizing to what happend, I ignored all as whatever reason she gave - she would repeat the same damage. There was no point talking to her - only avoid and create maximum distance. I feel guilty that my brother and sister now have to deal with her while I keep my distance to heal myself, my siblings have no understanding the depth of the trauma I experienced as the golden child (oldest son).
I had never realized the depth of my trauma until this incident. Looks like I need a lot more healing.