Read the post about the laundry list and I am sure you will be able to identify with most.

Both my parents were alcoholics and one died from her disease. I was devastated and carried the guilt of my inability to stop the madness, for many years. I married someone who grew up in a dysfunctional home because I thought I could "fix" her. It was a living hell which triggered my own problems with drugs and alcohol.

When I reached my "low" was when I entered outpatient treatment where I learned about my disease and was treated for alot of the underlying problems that triggered it.

There is a good book by John Bradshaw called, "Healing the shame that binds me" which might help you.

Learning to love myself first and to forgive myself instead of looking for love in the outside world was the key to making the right decisions regarding potential future mates. I was less likely to choose someone with problems.

Hope this helps

God Bless

Women tend to be attracted to a man, who has similar qualities as Dad.

This is the hardest th8by I've ever done. Knowing these crazy thoughts are a product of my alcoholic father and my mother's sucicide attemp doesn't change them. It only makes me feel more crazy... I wish I could go back to not knowing and just stay in disfunction.