Adult Children of Alcoholics Community Group
A Support Group for Adult Children of Alcoholics
I just don't know what else to do. My father has been an alcoholic since I can remember.
My dumbass flew him to Oregon from Michigan a few years ago to live with me when he became homeless, thinking I could fix him. :[ Nope. When he isn't drinking he is a nice, helpful person. But when he is drinknig he is a mean, manipulative, lying, stealing ass that disrespects everyone in the house! I own the house, I pay for his EVERYTHING, including his chew tobacco addiction (up til 2 weeks ago I finally put my foot down). He gets so drunk he falls down, forgets everything, yells at nothing and pisses all over the bathroom. I have finally learned to just leave him where he lays.
Many threats and arguments later I have FINALLY had it. I made him sign a contract of tenancy that states he is not allowed to drink on my property and if he wants to he needs to leave and not return until he is sober, plus some other simple things like chores since I pay for everything and lives FREE of any burdens or real responsibility. Normally he can go a few weeks without drinking, but just 4 days after signing the contract he is back to drunk!!!!! So, i have officially served him with an evication notice. He has 30 days to leave. I gave him VERY generous options: 1. I help him get into rehab. 2. I take him to the nearest homeless shelter. 3. A flight back to MI. 4. He can just leave and go where ever as long as its not here!!!
No one thinks ill follow through on it but I have to. It's ruining me. I already have anxiety, depression and low self esteme... he just makes it 100% worse. I really feeling like I am starting to hate him and sometime in my head wish him dead. :C I dont want to think these things. He just needs to go!!!
Any advice is appreciated. Sorry for the spelling and grammer errors... I'm not totally motivated to edit lol
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So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
If he happens to be sober, call a cab on the day he has to leave, and give him enough money to get by for a week in the shelter or a cheap motel, but don't buy him any ticket anywhere. Make sure he knows as he is leaving that he will not be allowed to return, except under whatever conditions you plan to accept..
Dealing with alcoholic family members is not something anyone should tolerate. It just enables their addiction.
That was 10 years ago. When I was well on the road to recovery, I went back to the police dept and thanked the cop who took me to detox and at my one year anniversary, I thanked my counselor who helped me through the first few weeks. She didn't baby me one bit. She just showed me a different way of looking at my life.
You probably saved your dad's life by doing what you did. I know it's hard but you did what you had to do for the good of your dad and for your own sanity, so don't punish yourself with guilt. Let it go. Who knows, but your dad might go back to you at a later date and thank you for saving his life, like I did to those who were negatively affected by my addiction.
By the way, you cannot "fix" an alcoholic. They have to have the desire to fix themselves but they have to me motivated to do so. Let's hope you gave him the motivation he needs to help steer him in the right direction.
Good luck with dad. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know how things turn out. If you are in need of more support, try alanon meetings. You will meet others with similar problems.
https://al-anon.org/
God Bless
Thank you for your reply!! I have been putting up with it too long. I will definitely be using your advice! ❤️
So far, he is drunk day 3! His second binge this month. Last one was 8days. :(
I just have to remember that I am the child, he is the father and I do not have to live like this anymore. I've given him ample opportunity! :'(
I had a full response written out to you and it seems it didn't save?!?
I called the police on him once. They couldnt do anything or take him anywhere because he is unwilling. :(
I doubt my kicking him out will save him. He had been homeless before I took him in and he continues to drink. :'(
I will keep your words close. Thank you!!
Congratulations on your sobriety!! I know it's a hard journey, but you got it done! ❤️
An alcoholic doesn't like to take responsibility for his actions and would rather blame others so don't hold onto any guilt for anything that flies in your direction. You did the right thing and there is no defense needed.
Good luck with dad and God Bless
Thank you! Congratulations again! And keep it up!!!
But bobinmaine is right. We can't fix them. The dry drunk is harder to deal with to me bc they are sober, but will not get recovery and still THINK just like a drunk. It is bizarre.
But as adult children of alcoholics, I am learning that I have to protect myself. And that means for me , no longer buying into their pity parties, guilt trips, sob stories, and inability to take care of themselves. They will not take care of themselves by getting the help they need, but then they are mad as hell when YOU don't help them and come to save them from the sorrows they brought on themselves. It's a never ending cycle. And only I can decide that it's time to get off the emotional merry go round.
Thank you for listening. Keep up the good work. It is hard. but you can do it. And you are worth saving.
Ginger