Adult Children of Alcoholics Community Group
A Support Group for Adult Children of Alcoholics
When some addicts are questioned or confronted about their addictive behavior, they might use a psychological trick called DARVO to defend themselves, which turns the tables on the questioner.
DARVO is an acronym for the steps in the trick. The first step is to Deny the accusation, but it doesn't stop there. The next step is to Attack the questioner. In the end, the addict Reverses the dynamic by pretending to be a Victim of unjustified suspicion and surveillance, and paints the questioner as the Offender.
Have you ever done this, or known anyone who has?
"We’ve found that gaslighting is often not a conscious strategy on the addict’s part. They are concerned with preserving their relationship with their addiction(s) at all costs, and therefore are threatened by their partners coming near the truth. That said, whether this dynamic is intentional or reactive, the impact on the partner and on the relationship is extremely deleterious."
https://www.banyantherapy.com/darvo/
Many children of alcoholics learn this gaslighting technique from watching their alcoholic parent. The technique can be used by anyone who is accused of an unethical act. The bottom line is, while somewhat effective, the strategy eventually destroys the relationship, whether it is used to cover up guilt or defend innocence. I admit that I have used DARVO, before even knowing that "it" was a "thing". Now, whenever I feel the need to defend myself against some accusation, I stop myself from going down this road to perdition.
-
check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
-
I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...


I was a child with an alcoholic parents,and learned the technique from the example of the parent. Later, as adults, these children will tend use it unconsciously and automatically in other situations where they feel threatened, without the realization or concern for the long-term damage it does..
https://metro.co.uk/2020/06/13/guide-darvo-gaslighting-response-people-give-when-called-bad-behaviour-12847680/
It isn't only addicts who use DARVO, but when used as a cover up for crimes or misdeeds, DARVO requires more malfeasance than merely the dishonesty of the initial denial. A DARVO attack produces the nullification of reality for everyone who witnesses it,
"Under any circumstances, the DARVO response causes broad collateral damage," Freyd says. “Even if we say we don’t know what happened,” she says, “we do know how these people are behaving right now, in front of us. And that behavior, itself, causes a lot of damage, to both people involved and to society as a whole. It shuts down the conversation, and that’s bad for all of us.”
https://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-fam-kelly-interview-denial-response-0312-story.html
https://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/2017/12/20/trump-darvo-defense-harassment-accusations/bTCR8QDrjLaYAwsQHCtpsM/story.html