Adult Bedwetting Community Group
A place for adults who still have problems wetting the bed to talk about their feelings, to discover solutions, and to talk about life in general.
Hi friends, I wrote this for my journal and wanted to share it here also to see if any of you have any thoughts:
It's been awhile since I've written about this. It's kind of becoming a disconnect between my mind and reality. For those who may not know yet, I'm a young(ish) adult and still wet my bed occasionally, as I have always done. I used to wet the bed every night when I was a kid (until I was about 13 or so) and after that it gradually slowed down, but never went away completely. I was always told growing up that 99% of kids who wet the bed will "outgrow" it by the time they are 18. I could go into more of the medical details as to why it still happens to me (and have done so a great deal elsewhere), but basically I am part of the "lucky" 1%, the 1% that nobody ever talks about... but thanks to this site and others like it I am now very well aware that they exist.
The funny thing about where I'm at right now is that it's not really the fact I still wet the bed occasionally that frustrates me anymore. When I do wake up wet (which is now maybe 2-3 times a month, on average, although it is often a little more or less than that) it's really not that big a deal... I feel a little sad maybe, but just change the sheets, throw them in the wash and move on. Nobody gives me a hard time for it anymore. Very few people even know about it. I am currently separated from my wife, but for all the issues we have had, my bedwetting was never an issue at all for her, she was always very supportive about it. Likewise only a few of my very close friends even know, and they are all very supportive as well. When I stay the night away from home with someone who doesn't know, I just bring a portable bed pad and/or protective underwear (depending on whether discreetly washing the sheets is a realistic option or not), but even that doesn't cause me a lot of anxiety anymore... I've been there, done that so many times that it's just become second nature to me.
The biggest problem I have now is that I just can't stop thinking about it. Every night when I go to bed I wonder whether it's going to happen that night, whether I have too much water in my body, or whether I'll be able to wake up in time. When I wake up needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night... which is most night, and often desperately at the moment when I wake up... I think about how "lucky" I am to be awake and how close I came to wetting the bed. In the morning, when I usually have to go badly as well, I think about how "lucky" I was to be able to hold it... since I am often sprinting to the bathroom then as well. The thing is though, in all of those situations I don't think about it like I just described, like it's no big deal and something I could just deal with if it happened. I think about it like I've just escaped a horrible disaster that threatens to come upon me every single night.
It's like I'm fighting demons from the past that aren't even there anymore. Without question in the past I have had experiences when I have had accidents (in bed or during the day) and it really was a disaster, because of people finding out, teasing me, bullying me, and all that. None of that has actually happened to me in years now... but that's still what goes through my mind every time I do wet, or come close to wetting (which because of the way my bladder works, happens almost every night). I actually get flashbacks to some of the worst incidents that happened to me in childhood... to a couple that happened older than in childhood... and even to some "close calls" I have had in my adult life, my mind dwells on them and on the "worst case scenario" that might have happened, even though it didn't even happen.
I'm not sure what to do to stop myself dwelling on it so much. Sometimes I feel like when I come on here and talk about it too much, it just gets me thinking about it more. I don't think that's the whole solution though because when I stay away from here for awhile, it stays on my mind all the time and eventually that's what brings me back here. Maybe I need to face the demons from my past head on instead of just letting myself dwell on them all the time. I don't know how to do that though, and in truth I'm scared to let myself feel all those emotions again. I wonder how many other adult bed-wetters face the same emotional struggles -- not being bothered by the present-day bedwetting so much, but by all the memories and emotions that it brings back from the distant past. I don't know the answer to this, not sure if there even is one. I welcome any of your thoughts though as always. :)
It's been awhile since I've written about this. It's kind of becoming a disconnect between my mind and reality. For those who may not know yet, I'm a young(ish) adult and still wet my bed occasionally, as I have always done. I used to wet the bed every night when I was a kid (until I was about 13 or so) and after that it gradually slowed down, but never went away completely. I was always told growing up that 99% of kids who wet the bed will "outgrow" it by the time they are 18. I could go into more of the medical details as to why it still happens to me (and have done so a great deal elsewhere), but basically I am part of the "lucky" 1%, the 1% that nobody ever talks about... but thanks to this site and others like it I am now very well aware that they exist.
The funny thing about where I'm at right now is that it's not really the fact I still wet the bed occasionally that frustrates me anymore. When I do wake up wet (which is now maybe 2-3 times a month, on average, although it is often a little more or less than that) it's really not that big a deal... I feel a little sad maybe, but just change the sheets, throw them in the wash and move on. Nobody gives me a hard time for it anymore. Very few people even know about it. I am currently separated from my wife, but for all the issues we have had, my bedwetting was never an issue at all for her, she was always very supportive about it. Likewise only a few of my very close friends even know, and they are all very supportive as well. When I stay the night away from home with someone who doesn't know, I just bring a portable bed pad and/or protective underwear (depending on whether discreetly washing the sheets is a realistic option or not), but even that doesn't cause me a lot of anxiety anymore... I've been there, done that so many times that it's just become second nature to me.
The biggest problem I have now is that I just can't stop thinking about it. Every night when I go to bed I wonder whether it's going to happen that night, whether I have too much water in my body, or whether I'll be able to wake up in time. When I wake up needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night... which is most night, and often desperately at the moment when I wake up... I think about how "lucky" I am to be awake and how close I came to wetting the bed. In the morning, when I usually have to go badly as well, I think about how "lucky" I was to be able to hold it... since I am often sprinting to the bathroom then as well. The thing is though, in all of those situations I don't think about it like I just described, like it's no big deal and something I could just deal with if it happened. I think about it like I've just escaped a horrible disaster that threatens to come upon me every single night.
It's like I'm fighting demons from the past that aren't even there anymore. Without question in the past I have had experiences when I have had accidents (in bed or during the day) and it really was a disaster, because of people finding out, teasing me, bullying me, and all that. None of that has actually happened to me in years now... but that's still what goes through my mind every time I do wet, or come close to wetting (which because of the way my bladder works, happens almost every night). I actually get flashbacks to some of the worst incidents that happened to me in childhood... to a couple that happened older than in childhood... and even to some "close calls" I have had in my adult life, my mind dwells on them and on the "worst case scenario" that might have happened, even though it didn't even happen.
I'm not sure what to do to stop myself dwelling on it so much. Sometimes I feel like when I come on here and talk about it too much, it just gets me thinking about it more. I don't think that's the whole solution though because when I stay away from here for awhile, it stays on my mind all the time and eventually that's what brings me back here. Maybe I need to face the demons from my past head on instead of just letting myself dwell on them all the time. I don't know how to do that though, and in truth I'm scared to let myself feel all those emotions again. I wonder how many other adult bed-wetters face the same emotional struggles -- not being bothered by the present-day bedwetting so much, but by all the memories and emotions that it brings back from the distant past. I don't know the answer to this, not sure if there even is one. I welcome any of your thoughts though as always. :)
Over years of continuing as a bedwetter all my life I have done therapeutic work with writing, talking, disability cartoons, anger workshops, humour and laughter etc - and theoretically blown away all the bad stuff by total open "coming out" as a bedwetter! But does that mean that the memories and their feeling content never come up behind me and beat me over the skull? No way - it just happens when it happens! WHY?!