Adult Bedwetting Community Group
A place for adults who still have problems wetting the bed to talk about their feelings, to discover solutions, and to talk about life in general.
I'll bet that just about all of us feel down about our bedwetting from time to time and wish we could somehow be rid of it -- and yet feel stuck the way we are. What do you all do in order to keep from beating yourselves up to much about this? I try reminding myself I'm not alone, and chatting with others when I can (both friends on here and my few good friends who know in "real life") helps me not to feel quite so isolated about it. But still I can't always escape the usual feelings -- frustrated, weak, helpless, hopeless, immature, unable to control myself -- you name it. I hate having a small bladder and having to go to the bathroom so much -- and not being able to make it through the night. Even though I know in my mind it's not my fault and it doesn't affect who I am -- my mind and emotions don't always connect on that point. I try exercising to blank my mind, praying and using my spiritual life, plenty of other things... but nothing seems to make it go away.
Just to be clear here, I'm not talking about the bedwetting itself (I'm pretty well resigned to the fact I may deal with that for the rest of my life) -- but the horribly self-deprecating feelings that tend to flood my mind (pardon the pun) as a result of it. I wouldn't mind wetting the bed nearly as much if I somehow didn't feel so down on myself about it. Anyone else have trouble with this? How do you deal with it?
Just to be clear here, I'm not talking about the bedwetting itself (I'm pretty well resigned to the fact I may deal with that for the rest of my life) -- but the horribly self-deprecating feelings that tend to flood my mind (pardon the pun) as a result of it. I wouldn't mind wetting the bed nearly as much if I somehow didn't feel so down on myself about it. Anyone else have trouble with this? How do you deal with it?
-
In 2013 I had an accident resulting in spinal injury at the base of my neck with paralysis from there down, spasticity (muscle contractions and spasms) and double incontinence. Both my anus and my urethra have been left closed except with manual intervention. I hardly ever pass urine via the usual route (I have a suprapubic catheter passing directly into my bladder about 2 inches below my...
I approach incontinence as though it were just another disability. Some folks need leg braces; others need glasses, or hearing aids, or wheelchairs, or whatever. In the beginning I was fearful and embarrassed, and rightfully so, because of the snide comments I had heard from my bosses and co-workers. I was sure they were intended for my ears, though I never pressed the issue. Now, I'm more concerned about collapsing in public, which always involves an accident that makes an emergency diaper change necessary, than I am about the simple incontinence. I walk like a drunk, and get hostile stares from strangers who clearly think that I am indeed drunk.
If, intellectually, you understand that your bedwetting is not your fault, the goal of making that real emotionally should be attainable. Nighttime diapers become matter-of-fact, not significantly different that flossing and brushing your teeth, or anything else in your bedtime routine. Feeling depressed is natural enough, but dealing successfully with your bedwetting should give you some sense of accomplishment. Good luck.
I don't know if this will help you and other people but the one good thing about having enuresis is that I think it can make you a more accepting/empathetic/kind person. For example, I would never joke about or mock someone for a disability because I know how it feels to have something wrong and not being able to do anything about it. I also know that having something wrong physically doesn't mean the person has anything wrong mentally or with their personality, so whilst I feel sorry for people with disabilities, I don't look down on them like some people do.
Thanks for sharing the insight that enuresis can possibly help to make someone a more empathetic/accepting/kind person. I've often noticed that too with other people I've talked to online through groups like this. Knowing the feelings of shame, embarrassment, helplessness, etc that come with this problem, as we do, does (in at least some cases, I think) help us relate to similar feelings in others who may have "disabilities" different from our own. I think the biggest challenge for me in that area is that I don't always see my enuresis as a "disability" (it doesn't make me "unable" to do anything, really, although it does make some things more difficult because of the fear of being found out!) -- and so I fall into the temptation of seeing it as a personal failing, something that is inferior about myself. I KNOW that's irrational because I know it's something I have no control over or choice about and and so it doesn't in any way reflect on me as a person... but somehow it feels like it does, you know?
I guess for me it's easier to be sympathetic/accepting of others sometimes than to accept myself... can anyone else relate to that?