Adult Bedwetting Community Group

A place for adults who still have problems wetting the bed to talk about their feelings, to discover solutions, and to talk about life in general.

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Childhood wetting trauma?

midnight77
midnight77
I've been experiencing intermittent insomnia lately (have off and on for a long time, not sure how much that correlates with this condition)... but anyway, a thought has been occuring to me that the difficulties of my present condition (wetting the bed occasionally as an adult) really aren't that bad compared to how it was as a kid growing up with the problem. I mean, in the adult world most people are... well, adults. It's possible for friends to understand that I have a medical condition and can't help it, and so they (for the most part) accept me for who I am and don't make a big deal of it. As a kid, though, I lived in constant fear of anyone discovering my shameful "secret"... and in the cases when someone did, I have awful memories of being teased, humiliated, ashamed of myself... etc, etc, etc. Here's the thing, though... the awful memories (and fears, shame, etc) I have from childhood STILL seem to drive the way I understand and respond to my present condition... rather than my "adult", rational mind. In other words, when it happens, I still think and respond like a little kid (mentally and emotionally anyway, not in terms of how I act) so that instead of understanding it with maturity and reason (as I know in my head it's really not that big a deal), I still feel horribly ashamed, scared, you name it... just as I felt during my childhood when i had an accident.

Sorry if i'm rambling, but does this resonate with anybody else? I'm talking particularly to those who grew up as bedwetters and still have some problems with it... but anyone is welcome to offer insight... hope my question makes sense anyway. i'm going to bed now. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I guess childhood, for too many, can set the stage for life-long difficulties. Childhood can be like a rocket, that, although it is powered only for the first 3% of its flight and coasts the rest, can be aimed accurately by just controlling that first few moments of powered flight, or not. Enuresis can be just another item on a lengthy list of life-long difficulties that began in childhood. Too many of us emerge wounded from childhood and adolescence, and spend the rest of our lives trying to get back on track. From a tender age, I was my parents' marriage counselor, psychotherapist, babysitter, adultsitter, nurse, servant, and whipping boy. I have reluctantly concluded that I'll carry this with me the rest of my life, and that I must work to keep it from disrupting my current relationships with family and friends who do not deserve to be burdened with my pain. I continually remind myself to consider what behavior is appropriate to the situation in which I find myself, and behave accordingly, instead of relying on impulse, which will always be wrong.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree. It's sad that so many people act like we want to wet the bed. I mean, as a kid, my parents used to say things like, "You could stop wetting the bed if you wanted to," and "Your just doing that for attention," and one time, when I was on a trip in Florida when I was 17, and I slept in a room with my Mom, Dad, sister, and Grandma (My mom and dad slept in one bed, my grandmother in another, my sister in a sleeping bag on the floor, and me in a roll away bed), I wet the bed, and my mom told me to go tell the people at the hotel. I just stared at her, shocked, and luckily, my grandma said, "it's ok, I'll tell them," but my mom made me go with her, even though my grandma told the hotel manager, and didn't mention me. I was so embarrassed. Also, I've wet the bed with friends over as a kid, and my parents still acted like I was doing it intentionally.
deleted_user
deleted_user
*acted like we wanted to wet the bed.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No one ever wants to wet the bed ..... I know as i was growing up and wetting the bed every night i never had dreams of using the toilet instead i was dreaming that i was on a ship in the ocean in a terbulant storm and wouldn't realise i wet the bed until morning when the wet spot was so big that it was almost as big as my body i would even have some day time accidents that is when i would get punished for wetting my pants the most my parent's would put me back in diaper's after cleaning me up i was not allowed to go outside and play for the rest of the day i was to wear a diaper and t-shirt for the rest of the day or just a diaper depending on the season. i never wanted to wet the bed or my pants during the day it just happend that way
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm like a lot of adult bedwetters in that I was terribly hassled about my bed- and pants-wetting when I was a kid and it's true that I've never forgotten it. But I was lucky because when my family split up when I was 11, I went to live with an aunt who was a nurse, so wasnt afraid of wee and all that, and she made me realise that there was nothing to be ashamed about simply because I had a weak bladder,and just laughed about it and gave me confidence, and I'm very grateful to her for it. My own view is that people's attitude to bedwetting is really sexual, because I wee out of my sex organ. I'm sure if I did my wee out of my ears, there wouldn't ever be any hassle.
Bob103
Bob103
Growing up wetting the bed is most shameful,at least in my family.I was always afraid that someone would find out. I know my mom and a few relatives knew, but no one else.
My wetting started at age 5 after my parents divorce. I was soon taken to a doctor for a most embarrasing exam that was worsened by my extreme modesty.The doctor said that most likely I would soon grow out of it and that mom should just use diapers again.Without question this was not going to be good. Within a week I found myself back in night diapers and plastic pants. This was not accomplished without a nightly fight that lasted weeks, finally I realized that the diapers were better than a soaking wet bed. I will admit that I began to like the extra attention that I was now recieving . Still I was petrified that someone would find out, and even years later that was probably what motivated me to stop wetting.
My self esteem suffered and remained low well into my teenage years.Till this day my emotions are affected by some of these memories. I often wonder if things could have been handled in a better way,altough I now understand that many others had to endure much worse. I believe that my childhood was traumatic because of bedwetting and diapers. I would like hear about others and what was good and bad for them,and perhaps we can offer suggestions for better ways of handling bedwetting today.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This was back in the late '60s and '70s, but when it started happening to me when I was 8, the conventional wisdom among child psychologists and medical professionals was still that if you ruled out physical causes, then the child is just doing it to spite the parents. The profession hadn't yet recognized it as one of the signs of abuse.

Whenever I'd wet the bed after a particularly abusive day, my parents would just think I was doing it to "get back at" them, which would just compound the abuse.

So, for me it was worse as a child, but only because the prevailing wisdom among the so-called "professionals" was so wrong back then.