Adoption Support Group

Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Whether you are looking to adopt, putting your child up for adoption, parenting an adopted child, or just thinking about it, this is the place to discuss.

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Perspective of the Abandoned

scelestic
scelestic
I know most of you are here saying you want to adopt or talking about giving up your child well I am one of those kids your referring too. I figured this was the best place to put this. My birth mom has tried to talk to me for a while and my dad told me she would be trying again and that i should talk to her. She sent me several long texts saying how she thinks about me and loves me. Its sooo hard for me though. I have never ever known her. She is a stranger. I have tried to be nice but I feel like I am treating her like a friend and I want to tell her how I really feel but she seems so nice. Idk. Its all very confusing and upsetting. I don't even know why im posting here. I guess because I don't know anyone thats been through anything similar and it just really hard. I have forgotten about her and just pretended she did not exist because I never even really talked to her. Now shes real and I don't know what to do about it.
scelestic
scelestic
^ I suppose I am wrong and have seen a few more posts from adopted people.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know somebody who went through something similar... Her birth father tried to approach her and even asked her to become the godmother of his child, but she just walked away. I also know somebody else who tried to make contact and found himself in a dreadful situation. I am not really sure how to answer to this question.

If I was in your shoes, I would try to communicate my emotions either to my father, who seems to think that this contant will be a positive experience for you, or to the birth mother, who may crave for forgiveness and some sense of inclusiveness in your life. If you want her to stick around (and if you don't, you absolutely have the right), make sure she understands that you don't know her, but you would like to. Try to keep the relationship simple, so nobody's feelings will get hurt (yours included).

Hope I helped...
scelestic
scelestic
Thanks corona
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
I think telling her how you honestly feel from the very beginning is the wise choice. If you start your relationship with her trying only to protect her feelings because she seems "nice", then you are robbing yourself of validating your own feelings about everything. You shouldn't have to protect her. She is a grown-up and has to work through YOUR feelings about the adoption, too. If she isn't willing to do that, then I don't think you will ever develop a very healthy relationship with her anyway.
GMaWilli
GMaWilli
And you are definitely not "wrong" about your feelings just because they may be different from some others you've read on this group. Everyone has different circumstances and are at different places in their journey. Your feelings belong to you and you alone and no one can say they are "wrong". They may change over time...........that doesn't mean they're wrong right now. Blessings to you. I hope you are able to work through this and come out the other side stronger and with a sense of peace and contentment.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Also, allow me to add that the adoption took place mainly for your own good. So, this should be your starting point. Make sure you tactfully take care of yourself.