Hello,

My husband and I adopted a 3 1/2 and 6 yr old (half-siblings)-4 years ago that were "kids with no issues". They had been neglected and had 10 placements each and been abused by the foster parents that had them right before us.

We went from 0-2 and also didn't want infants. Let me tell you. Our lives were flipped upside down in ways unimaginable. We've been brought down to our knees and parenting is harder than I could ever have imagined, at least it is for us. We thought we were prepared. Ha!

You MUST realize that a 9year old has lived 9 years without you and is halfway to adulthood, already mostly shaped and has baggage. The 5 year old will already have many memories without you but can still be somewhat moldable. Of course, your best chance is the 1 year old, but this time is crucial and you absolutely want to make sure you know as much family background as possible. This goes for all three. You'll need all the info you can get to figure out their needs.

Surround yourself with as much family and friend support as possible, quit your job or plan to take a lot of time off of work because these children will need you. In the beginning, you will need to do everything for them as you establish your role as mommy.

I could go on and on as the last 4 years has given me so much to look back on. One thing I do say is; Yes, siblings are the way to go.

Blessings,
Felicia

There is a big difference between kids suddenly orphaned and kids who suffered long term neglect or abuse. I would have little concern regarding orphans, but you need to confirm (best with the kids themselves). The first reply is correct, neglected or abused older kids will use up all your energy and may have you questioning your abilities as a parent. The earlier N/A started, and the longer the kids suffered, the harder it is.

Agree with reply 2. Parenting classes and bereavement/counseling are a must for you and these children. Taking these children as a sibling set can be helpful for the children to support each other and have blood relatives to grow up with, not to mention that they play with each other and if you want more than one child, you are done! Adopted siblings sets are known for coping better with adoption.

I'm so glad we did! Best wishes!

I have no experience adopting children but was adopted.
Because of being adopted I never grew up with my siblings causing me much heartache now.
If you were able to keep them together that would be a very precious gift,
I am sure the kids would have issues if they lost both their parents but that doesnt mean you couldnt give them a loving home.
Hopefully someone else will give you more insite than i can.
Do you get to know them for aawhile before you adopt?Just wondering.
Do they get a choice?

i was part of a sibling group. i was 6 years old and my brother was 4 just right before it became offical. i went through 4 foster homes and yes was abused by the foster kids at one home. i told my therapist as a child that it felt like i had 9 foster homes because i went back and forth between my birthmother and my foster placements all the time. there is no such thing as a "child with no issues". i'm a firm believer in that. like feliciaf said you should surround yourself with friends family and support from the adoption agencey or CPS. and like feliciaf i wouldn't have changed anything in the way i was adopted. if you have any questions please dont hesitate to ask.