Well I was once on your journey. I could not/cannot conceive either. And for the longest time, I felt like I was a failure, I was watching everyone around me "
pop" kids out left and right like it was the most easiest thing in the world to do...But for me, it was impossible...I went through so many struggles with this. I went into a depression, I hated myself I ended up falling out of love with my then husband and ended up having an affair on him. I went through so many tough times in my life over not being able to have my own baby.

Infertility is I think the hardest on women because most of us are born to be mothers. We play with baby dolls as children and learn from then on that motherhood is what we are supposed to do.

I know your pain, I know how you feel. But let me tell you this, there is light at the end of the tunnel, a light that CAN fill that void, it is called adoption.

Once I adopted, my emptiness went away and my pain subsided. I felt like a woman again. And then I began to think, God had this plan for me all along, I was meant to be a mother, but not in the way I had imagined.

Consider adoption if you haven't already, there are so many kids out there that need us. And I live by this motto now "God chose women like me to adopt, because I had the strength to do it and the love to give and he wanted someone special to raise His children."

I have found a fuller life and happiness in these kids. And I am now thankful I was chosen to be their mother...

My parents could not have childern of thier own They decided to adopt I think that Adoption is a road that god has chosen for some women Some people may not agree with what I just said But I truly believe that god has some plan for you

i'm struggling myself. i find myself here using this site but no longer looking at the IVF section as i did before. After 3 failed vasectomy reversals and 3 rounds of IVF i just can't do it. That door closed a year ago. I've been taking a break to really grieve over the fact that i will never experience being pregnant, maternity clothes, the excitement of going into labor, having that beautiful bonding moment when that baby is born. I will never, never, ever have that. It has taken me a year to be able to even utter those words. It just hurts so much. I'm 40 this year and my husband is 46. I feel like i have so much pressure on me to decide if we're going to adopt or not. My husband has two kids from his first marriage so i know he would be just fine without having more. But we made that decision before we got married and he has said he's committed to whatever i want. but there's still the pressure.
what do i want? how do i decide? why can't i make that leap into the decision of adoption? why does it have to hurt so much?

so i guess what i'm saying to you is, i feel for you. i feel what you're going through. i agree it's hard. it's incredibly hard and it hurts to the deepest core of a females being. it's like my body has betrayed me and i just want all the female parts taken out. i don't need them. they didn't work for me so what the crap is the point of them being in there. just to cause me grief every month. no thanks.

i'm so very confused and so very empty and have no one to really talk to. All my friends are either popping out babies like its nothing or they don't want kids at all.

hurting inside

I'm a transplant from the infertility forum as well. My adopted daughter is 7 weeks old. Just tonight I wrote a journal entry about how I feel the pain of IF slowly lifting off of me. It was so many years of pain and heartache and disappointment piled on top of me. While I went through treatment I would try to explain to friends how I didn't even feel like myself anymore. IF is a terrible burden, and it can break even the strongest women.
The love I have for my daughter is healing. Before she was born I worried I wouldn't be able to love her like a biological child. But now that I have her, I can't imagine loving a bio child any more than this. I wish I could tell everyone in the IF group how amazing adoption is, and to stop torturing them selfs with failed treatments. But it's a conclusion everyone needs to come to on their own.
I didn't have success carrying a child, but my success will be raising my daughter.

Thank you all for your beautiful responses and sentiments. For some reason I was not receiving them through email as I usually do, so I didn't realize responses had been posted. I too agree that sometimes our children were to come to us through means other than our own womb, yet they were always our children--from the very start. I cannot wait to meet mine.

I'm so sorry you are struggling with this...it's just not fair!!! My husband and I got pregnant the first month we tried but our daughter ended being born still. We do not have any biological children but we have been blesssed by adopting from foster care! It is the best thing I have ever done and I believe will ever do in this life and I encourage all people to do it. I am a foster parent as well and so I say my daughter who was born still grew in my tummy, my daughter who we adopted grew in my heart, and my daughter who we fostered grew in my arms while we had her =) I don't know if we will be able to conceive again or have a living biological child but we are planning to adopt another child from foster care in the next year. I like this because its something I can control. I love it because being a mother this way is so much more than just giving birth to a child...it is taking care of one of the least of the people on the planet and I know God is smiling down at those who do this...so I encourage you to keep trying to conceive but open up your heart to adoption =)

Life is hard and it might not get easier...but if you believe in God and you say you need Jesus...he'll be where you are and he never will leave you!

hugs!
Rachel

fosteradoptmommy.blogspot.com

What a beautiful, beautiful story Rachel. Thank you for sharing your journey and how blessed you all are to have each other. Beautiful!

Shannon,

I have experienced many forms of motherhood for just as many different reasons even on the other side of the fence I find your story truly a shared feeling between us allyour way with words are a movement with beats of a drum, slow melodies, and the harmony that joins us to be inspired like that of a great ballad of life. Thank You for the music of your story! I will join you in running the fence , on the other side

5angel, what poetic words. Thank you for your words, and for letting me know that you're on the other side of the fence, running right along with me. Blessings to you.

I cannot conceive either and knew at age 16. I understand how painful and unfair infertility is. We are in this together. God knows are hearts and has specific plans for each of us. Hugs!

I cannot imagine beginning this journey at the age of 16--what a tremendously strong and brave woman you must be! Thank you for your words of encouragement and support, we truly are here in this together.

Shannon I think the most important lesson I learnt from my struggles and self pitty was to know I was not alone...and even as bad as I thought I had it when I searched for support I found there were women out there whom had suffered much more than I.
I have been married three times and my current husband and I have been togehter over 28 years. We have lost 13 babies three by ectopic pregnancies. I was an habitual aborter (that's what the doctors called it)
We finally adopted in 1993 our beautiful son just turned 19.
My thoughts and prayers are with you
Please know you are not alone.

I'm so glad for this site! I have found so much support in what decision we've had to make. We switch groups from the Infertility group. We just started our adoption journey. We just got our paperwork to fill out, and we didn't realize that there was so much paperwork! I'm the biggest procrastinator, but we want this so bad, it hurts!! It's so hard for us, because we haven't found any answers as to why we haven't been able to conceive, we've had 3 failed IUI's, and just last year we decided to look into adoption, and sent out our face sheet application right after New Years, and we just got the packet on Monday on when we need to fill out.

Whatever you decide to do, just know, you're not alone in your journey, and know that you have support on here, whenever you need it. When I need support, I turn here for advise. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

lindarob & ekoch, thank you for your incredible words of wisdom and support. I am constantly amazed at how incredibly strong and wise the women who travel this path become. A heartfelt thank you.