Adoption Support Group
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Whether you are looking to adopt, putting your child up for adoption, parenting an adopted child, or just thinking about it, this is the place to discuss.
When I was about 10 years old I was told I was adopted. I also found out that my older brother was adopted also, but my younger sister of 4 years was not. I was devistated!! Why did they wait so long to say anything?
As the years passed I was told that I was not to say a word to ANYBODY about it because it was nobody's business. I told them how hard that was because of all the different things we talked about and did in science classes at school on genes and all, but it didn't matter. Do you know how hard that was to try and explain why my hair was light brown when both my "parents" were dark, why my eyes were blue when both of theirs were brown, why I was so short when both of them were tall, why I looked nothing like them at all?
Finally when I was 18 and had gone away to college in a different state I got up the courage to see what I could find out. Over the past 30 years I found out more than I wish I did. I found out that my birth mother had been married before and had 2 children from that marriage, a boy and girl.(I actually have half sibilings that I have never met!)She left them all because she just didn't want to be married anymore. I also found out that she had put up another child for adoption a couple of years before I was born. She got put into prision because she held up a convience store at gunpoint and was later caught. When she was in prison she found out that she was pregnant again. She wanted to keep her baby, even though she was advised not to. She wanted to because she herself had been raised in foster homes and was unhappy with the outcome of that. Finally when I was about 1 1/2 she realized that she couldn't take care of herself, let alone a child.
I realize that she let me go out of love for me and wanting a better life for me than she had or could have given me, and I am thankful for that. But what she didn't realize was the horrible way I was treated while in foster care(physical abuse, neglect, emotional abuse) and then later growing up in what was supposed to be a good home!(more physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional neglect)
I have tried to find her but no luck there. I wrote the adoption agency that she went through and was given all this info but no name, the records were sealed. It was explained to me that unless the birth mother came forward or one of my half sibilings, they would remain sealed.
My heart is very heavy with all this knowldge! I have wanted most of my life to know her, to know about her, to know who my half sibilings are, but I realize that it will never happen!
As the years passed I was told that I was not to say a word to ANYBODY about it because it was nobody's business. I told them how hard that was because of all the different things we talked about and did in science classes at school on genes and all, but it didn't matter. Do you know how hard that was to try and explain why my hair was light brown when both my "parents" were dark, why my eyes were blue when both of theirs were brown, why I was so short when both of them were tall, why I looked nothing like them at all?
Finally when I was 18 and had gone away to college in a different state I got up the courage to see what I could find out. Over the past 30 years I found out more than I wish I did. I found out that my birth mother had been married before and had 2 children from that marriage, a boy and girl.(I actually have half sibilings that I have never met!)She left them all because she just didn't want to be married anymore. I also found out that she had put up another child for adoption a couple of years before I was born. She got put into prision because she held up a convience store at gunpoint and was later caught. When she was in prison she found out that she was pregnant again. She wanted to keep her baby, even though she was advised not to. She wanted to because she herself had been raised in foster homes and was unhappy with the outcome of that. Finally when I was about 1 1/2 she realized that she couldn't take care of herself, let alone a child.
I realize that she let me go out of love for me and wanting a better life for me than she had or could have given me, and I am thankful for that. But what she didn't realize was the horrible way I was treated while in foster care(physical abuse, neglect, emotional abuse) and then later growing up in what was supposed to be a good home!(more physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional neglect)
I have tried to find her but no luck there. I wrote the adoption agency that she went through and was given all this info but no name, the records were sealed. It was explained to me that unless the birth mother came forward or one of my half sibilings, they would remain sealed.
My heart is very heavy with all this knowldge! I have wanted most of my life to know her, to know about her, to know who my half sibilings are, but I realize that it will never happen!
Funny, my parents were the same way about me being adopted being nobody's business. I chose to tell a few close friends and they always got upset when they found out. Most people had suspicions, I have blonde, blonde hair and blue eyes while my parents have dark brown hair and hazel eyes. My mom's favorite line when people would ask "where did you get your blonde hair?" was "oh, the angels gave it to her."
I guess they feel like you are their child and want others to perceive you that way as well. Also, some people have strong feelings against adoption and could be judgmental of you if they knew. Whatever the reason, I am sure they did it out of love and protection for you.
I wouldn't give up if you truly wish to meet your birth mother. But then again, it kinda sounds like maybe ya'll shouldn't meet. You never know why some obstacles pop up. Good luck!
It is hard for me to believe with the way things are going with adoption that states won't unseal their records. It is your RIGHT to know where you came from, not some dirty secret, like so many of the old schoolers still think it is. Have you tried petitioning the court to hand over your original birth certificate? Some have gone that route and have been successful. I know I am not much help since I am a birth mom and not an adoptee, but maybe you can get it court ordered to hand over your records.