I get so jealous when i see pregnant women, and new moms.
I gave up my beautiful little boy because i didnt have the financial stability. I act as if i have him with me at home when i talk of him.
I get sad and snippy.
i dont know how to cope. youd think 3 months would be enough to get over it...
I regret i gave him up even though i know for a fact he's in a better environment.
he looks EXACTLY like my little girl when she was a baby. except darker hair and darker skin.
i get so sad. and weapy.
and i hate having to expain myself and my story to everyone.
i'm so afraid that when i tell people i gave him up, they will judge me and think i'm a bad person. ( i feel like a horrible person) so sometimes, i just don't tell them. and play on that i kept him.
isnt that bad...?
I'm so scared that when he knows who i am, he might have a bad emotion towards me.
i really shouldnt be complaining, i havent had 6 years of weapiness like you. I do feel for you though.
i went as far as making him a baby book...and he's not even here.
talk about sad....huh?

join the first mother's goup on facebook! you were entitled to receive funding to raise your child. Children need so much more than money. the system bites! If you read a few books on adoption you will find that most of us never recover from the pain. It can lesson with a good therapist. hang in there, I have even read of good reunions (with a bit of work on both parts) society is royally screwed up in their perspective!

wow there's actually someone who feels what I do? I thought I was going crazy. Thank YOu sooo much for sharing this w/me.Ok so he's only 3 moths old? You see I did want to get her back before she was one. But I had my husband convince me otherwise and just came to terms that I couldn't break my promise to that poor couple what kind of person would I be if I did that. But you know what I just should have done it! This is why, I was not in my right frame of mind when I gave her up. I had no support from anyone to keep a child had no parents and was basically on my own and young. I'm not trying to make excuses but I wish to God that someone, anyone would of told me or encouraged me to keep my child and that I'd be ok. When you don't have parents no one cares to teach you anything your on your own. I wish I could reach out to a girl or someone that's in the shoes I was in a tell her life is beautiful and your child will grow and theres help out there. Too late for me. So today I did it again this morning. I passed by the high school that my oldest son will be attending soon and thought to myself "I would of had two kids here and they'd be together here. I wish I could stop this. Come back to reality. Anyways thank you for relating to me. I'm glad someone knows what I feel. Sad that it has to be this though. Hope were w/our babies again one day. x0x0x0x0

Thank You Dewounded, That means so much. I can feel the tears sting my eyes. I'm truly glad that you guys understand. I've never had this support. It's so overwhelming to me. Yeah I will pick up a book on adoption thats a good start. Once again Thank You both! x0x0x0x0

Ps Luminous# I also have a baby book for her. All that I recive goes in it. Glad we share this in common. Thank YOu...

cali, It's all going to be ok, she is suppose to look like your oldest they have the same genes! Bless your heart my heart goes out but I don't know what to say! Trust in God and he will reunite you one day, and I can promise you she is curious about you and someday will want that relationship, the bible say a patient man recieve everything that he needs and a foolish man speaks to much! Cali some day when God is ready she will be back in your life and your arms the arms may take a little but it will happen trust me! I know your heart is broken and mine is broken for you but by experience i know this will all work out for u! God bless you and your family.

yeah. my mom didnt teach me anything as well. I raised my first born myself cuz her dad is a modern jipsy and cant stay with one person.
and David is right about patience. God is so good.
he's the reason the adoption with my son went so well. i mean i am sad that i dont have him. but if it werent for the family that i chose, i couldnt have done it.
and the bible has adoption stories as well too. so its not necisarrly a bad thing that we gave our children up.
its just the pain and the longsuffering that hurts...that void.

i'm sorry you had no one to really support you. thats so difficult in itself. and its hard to litsent to people tell you how much they can imagine...when in reality they have NO clue how we feel.

if you ever need a listeing ear. i'm not on here all the time. but i'll try to answer accordingly when i do get on.
ok?

Thank You DavidBeck and Luninous V. soooooooooo much. x0x0x0x0

the connection you feel is real. hang in there. xoxoxoxoxo.