Adopted adults Community Group
Adults who want to talk about adoption experiences. Also people who would like to make friends w/people with similar experiences.
I Posted this in another forum and so far have no replies so thought I would try here...
I was adopted when I was almost a year old. I spent the first part of my life in an orphanage. When my A-parents got me home, my mother thought it was cute that I rarely smiled, never laughed, and could stare down adults. My A-Mother was proud of me because she could sit me in a corner with a few toys (or later books - I learned to read at a very early age) and I would sit there till she came and got me, unlike all the other heathen children who were up running around and getting into things and making noise. I had no siblings and when I started school, I was the only first grader in a one room school house. Next grade up was one kid in the 3rd. I learned to deal with adults and hated kids because they were juvenile. I hated being touched most of my life and hate having someone "in my space" which was quite large.
I have never felt love or for that matter any emotion. One of my many shrinks told me that bonding in the first few months of life is VERY important. Not sure but can only guess that in the orphanage, I had different nurses and was rarely held and left on my own much of the time.
Surprisingly I got married, because it was expected of me and I decided I wanted to see what sex (with another person) was like. She was 17 and wanted to get out of her house, I was 23. Neither one of us were ready but we got married. Her family was very touchy feely and she wanted that from me. She would come sit beside me and I tried to stay but after a couple of minutes would get up and move using the excuse that I wanted a drink or had to go to the bathroom or something and when I came back would sit elsewhere. She used to chase me around the room. I remember even sitting on an end table so she couldn't get close to me.
One of my girlfriends I had after I got divorced said that she had thought her husband was the coldest, most unfeeling SOB she had ever met... until she met me. LOL
Anyone else going through this? And were you able to overcome it? It has taken me 58 years to be able to allow someone to sit next to me (I still get uncomfortable but do not get up and leave like I used to.) I have learned to deal with people and function in society by reading books, watching TV and movies and can usually give the correct response that would be expected from a "normal" person. I can even tear up if necessary and it is a situation where that would be expected.
I was adopted when I was almost a year old. I spent the first part of my life in an orphanage. When my A-parents got me home, my mother thought it was cute that I rarely smiled, never laughed, and could stare down adults. My A-Mother was proud of me because she could sit me in a corner with a few toys (or later books - I learned to read at a very early age) and I would sit there till she came and got me, unlike all the other heathen children who were up running around and getting into things and making noise. I had no siblings and when I started school, I was the only first grader in a one room school house. Next grade up was one kid in the 3rd. I learned to deal with adults and hated kids because they were juvenile. I hated being touched most of my life and hate having someone "in my space" which was quite large.
I have never felt love or for that matter any emotion. One of my many shrinks told me that bonding in the first few months of life is VERY important. Not sure but can only guess that in the orphanage, I had different nurses and was rarely held and left on my own much of the time.
Surprisingly I got married, because it was expected of me and I decided I wanted to see what sex (with another person) was like. She was 17 and wanted to get out of her house, I was 23. Neither one of us were ready but we got married. Her family was very touchy feely and she wanted that from me. She would come sit beside me and I tried to stay but after a couple of minutes would get up and move using the excuse that I wanted a drink or had to go to the bathroom or something and when I came back would sit elsewhere. She used to chase me around the room. I remember even sitting on an end table so she couldn't get close to me.
One of my girlfriends I had after I got divorced said that she had thought her husband was the coldest, most unfeeling SOB she had ever met... until she met me. LOL
Anyone else going through this? And were you able to overcome it? It has taken me 58 years to be able to allow someone to sit next to me (I still get uncomfortable but do not get up and leave like I used to.) I have learned to deal with people and function in society by reading books, watching TV and movies and can usually give the correct response that would be expected from a "normal" person. I can even tear up if necessary and it is a situation where that would be expected.
albionmad
I was adopted at a very early age and was told I was adopted when I was 13. It sent me off the rails, it seemed I had been lied too by the A parents all my life. I got into a lot of fights, went before the courts, was lucky to avoid prison, was a general mess on the inside. All my life I have had relationship issues which appear to mirror the affects of RAD. Currently I am fighting to get the love of my life back who I pushed away unknowingly by my deep rooted behavioural patterns. I'm a 58 year old male and now I realise I need help to go forward in the right manner and beat the affects RAD has on me. Any advice would be more than welcome. I am broken by this split with my "special" lady. I don't know if I can win back her heart, only time will tell, but I am determined to address the effects RAD has on me. Any advice would be more than welcome and good luck to you all in this group. Kindest regards Steve (albionmad)
Tiffpro
Lots of kids that get adopted, weren't held when they were babies, so when they grow up its hard for physical touch because they were negelected it as a baby. When i did physical therapy my therapist told my mom she should "brush" my sister because she couldn't stand being touched. He provided my mom with a sponge type of brush and she did it for a few mins everyday, along her arms, back and legs, at first my sister hated it, but as the days went on she got used to it, and she let us hold her hand and hug her.
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