Hi, Ive had the same response from a previous work colleage about my son. She just said 'What a load of nonsense your sons just naughty and needs discipline' this made me feel like c**p and I went home crying and believed her. But with alot of support from my family I realised that ADHD/ADD is an illness and you dont choose to have it. Maybe you should try educating your friend with information leaflets or websites. If shes truly your friend she will learn and help you. xx

work colleages- peers- society- some friends just cannot relate to add- adhd. it's their ignorance. I've been friends with my friend since high school- I've tried educating her on add adhd- and she simply said to stop sending her things on it because she doesn't believe in it. She wants me to read her books on her medical beliefs. everyone is different- it's just hard - how do you keep a friendship going where you have totally different beliefs?

i, myself have struggled with this. i use to not believe it in. lol. but i diagnosed my daughter before the dr did. my daughter made me a believer. give ur friend some pamphlets and website addresses and then backoff. if she reads them she may start to realize that she is wrong and that add/adhd does exist. i searched add/adhd on my own and that is when i started coming to my senses. i seen things in my daughter that just wasnt right so i started researching. ur friend could have been raised like i was. i was told it was nothing but a label to put on kids so teachers wouldnt have to deal with it. my parents are believers in ADHD now. if she is a true friend after she reads websites and pamphlets, she may not completely be a believer, but she will try to support u and give it the benafit of doubt.

I completely agree with what the others have said and you can't force someone to believe something they don't want to believe, and to be honest I ended up loseing some friends that I thought were really good friends at the time because I found out they were makeing fun of my children instead of trying to educate themselves on it, it has to be up to the person and sometimes until the person has to go threw it themselves they just don't understand it at all.

Understand that unless they personally have experienced the "constant scattered thought process" and "what the heck was I in here for" or had a kid that cries because she tries so hard to be "good" and conform to how others feel she should act at school, some people just will never get it! You, yourself know how you feel inside, and the chaos that can occur! Take it with a grain of salt, and confide in others that know this to be a true disorder!

Your not alone! :)

Thanks for all the advice.... and support.

You can't force someone to read the materiaal that they feel is wrong. They have to come about it in thier own terms. This is the way life has taught us for years.

When she or a grandchild of hers has a situation like we do. What will you do? Will you be there for your friend and give support to them even though they didn't do so with you? Or will do what they did to you? A true friend will accept you for who you are no matter what even if they don't agree with what you do. ( unless it is harmful to the person). You can still be friends with people that don't believe in what you believe just don't discuss it.

It use to drive me crazy that my own husband would say that I wasn't displining my children and allowing them to walk all over me. Because when he would ask for them to do something they would do it but not with me. I would tell him that isn't the situation. I could take thier toys away, spank them, pull my hair out in front of them, kill myself and they would just stand there and watch all this. (I am over exagerating with killing myself in front of my kids, Killing myself period is just plain out of the question.)

Finally the kids started to do to him as they would to me. And I would just sit back and grin then later let him know. Yes I know I have been there. You are now seeing what all I went thru. He now understands after 5 years of this and haveing tiwns that are ADD and my son that is now ODD. Now with my son I have to tell my husband you have to read up on ODD to understand what he is going thru. I sorta do for the simple fact that some of the things he does I use to do as a kid. No I am now ADD, ADHD, ODD, or bipolar or on any medication for any of these things. But I try to see my sons issues thru his eyes which helps me to sorta understand where he is coming from.

Alright I am just rambeling on. Sorry about that.

Cyndi

Dear Sunflower
You guys can hace differnt opinons and still be friends, as long as they are there when you ned them, just live with.
Lots of people do not believe i nADHD and that is espically true of the older generation.
I know it exists and you know it exists.
If they are your friends they will be there regardless of the reason.

How can they " be there " for you when they don't believe in add-adhd at all. Where most of the problems add- adhd people have- they don't believe in. It's like they are NOT on the same page as you, so when your in need- how can they help you and be there for you?
(confused) ??

Sunflower10-
Sometimes you have to agree to disagree, you and your friend may have differences of opinion.
ADHD is an invisible illness. People don't see being adhd in the same light as other disabilities.
(Assumingly) People may say nothing's wrong with you. Your arms and legs work, you don't need a wheelchair or crutches to get around. As if there is nothing visibly physically wrong with you, no one will understand how the severity of your mental illness can be stopping you from living a somewhat normal life.

I watched a 5 minute commercial from an adhd coach a while ago. I cried, because that was the story of my life unfolding right there in front of my eyes.
I had passed on the name of the website to a disbelieving colleague of mine. The next time we saw each other, his attitude was slightly different and softened from before.
Give your friend time to come around. And if your friend can't support you in the ways you need, I'll bet you'll find the right friends here. :)

here's a link/address to the commercial:
http://theattentionmovie.com

tell me what you think if you check it out.

Hi all. I'm stepping out on a limb here to make my thoughts known. I don't know how folks will respond to this, though I will try to be honest and gentle at the same time.

I don't see AD/HD as a "mental illness". Disability? Well, so-so. It CAN be disabling for some people. I often think "how" disabling AD/HD actually is depends on the choices of that individual. I say this as one who could be the poster child or "Mikey" for AD/HD and Learning Disabilities as well as one who has fought serious physical disabilities since birth. I myself don't see these conditions in the same way. With physical disabilities, there is usually only so much your body can do, only so many ways to compensate for what you don't have or have lost. With AD/HD there have been so many incredible advances in the last few years that have lead to better medications, better understanding, better counseling and support/family services, and the list could go on for days.

AD/HD folks are different, and I think we as a whole accept that. I don't see it as just a bad thing, but more like a mixed bag. AD/HD folks have certain strengths that are unique. So finding our individual niche is important. We each have one - it may be more specific than most peoples', but we have one - and finding it will allow us to be successful at what we do very well (things which the 'normal' folks might not do so well).

That aside, I tend to be pretty quiet about my AD/HD. A few friends know I have AD/HD, but it's only a topic of frequent conversation between me and my counselor and mentors. Beyond that, I don't often mention it. Lots of people I know wouldn't believe me even if I told them I was AD/HD, some because they don't believe in it, and others because they don't understand how I could be AD/HD and still get good grades in school and not be a behavior problem. Unless I am trying to use my AD/HD to make excuses for my (poor?) behaviors, I can see no reason why I should tell friends that I am AD/HD. Those who know it really know it (and have brought it to my attention!), and those who don't either never will or will realize it in time. Regardless, AD/HD cannot be an excuse for me, and when I mess up or do something impulsive that hurts someone's feelings, I'm not going to say "Sorry, I'm ADD, and sometimes I...". Instead, I'll say, "I'm sorry I...I am responsible for blurting that out and I hope you will forgive me." Basically, unless the topic of conversation somehow became AD/HD on its own, I'm not likely to make AD/HD a conversation piece.

What about education? I think family and friend education on the topic of AD/HD is important because us weird AD/HD folks are all around - everyone will come into contact with one of us at some point in their lives. So I do share factual information with friends and family. But what they decide to do with that information does not affect me on a personal level - I mean, I'm not upset if they disagree. I just decide to disagree gracefully whenever possible. I'm an adult, so I can choose what therapies (if any) I will pursue and how I will view AD/HD in my life - as an enabler or a disabler (it can be either or both).

I hope I've not stepped on toes. Feel free to disagree with me. Thanks for reading.

TGG

sunflower,
When I read "The problem is my friend doesn't believe in add", well, I started laughing. No reflection on YOU, mind you. I guess if I stop and thing of the countless other things that people don't "believe in" that exist in the real world, I would be sitting here quite a while. Ignorance is very powerful...and plentiful, when it comes to the unseen. Perhaps one day your friend will understand, and perhaps she won't. I certainly wouldn't spend an excessive amount of time trying to convince her of it's existence. I would offer her a few websites to check out. If after she explores the websites, she is unchanged, then I would let go. That's me, of course, but I'm not into trying to force others into understanding what they don't appear ready to understand. I know me, though, and while I value my friendships in life, I also value my self-respect. I'm kinda thinkin this friend would lose something, which at this point, I can't find a word for. All I know is, it's hard to be myself in all my glory, if I am fully aware that the person in front of me denies a very real part of who I am. Good luck!

TGG...hope ya don't mind, but I had to add something about what you said. I found your response interesting. Many of my students have mental health issues and are identified as "emotionally disturbed" in the educational system, for the purpose of accommodating their needs. When they go out into the world, upon graduation, many will end up in jail. Why? Because of the lack of support for the nonphysical nature of the countless disabilities/conditions that severely impact many of their lives. Society is much more apt to accomodate and provide help/support for things they can see, hear, or touch. A good example of this would be ramps that enable wheelchair users access into public buildings. If you hold someone with a physical disability to the same standard that you appear to hold those with nonphysical disabilities, then I must say that how "disabling" a physical disability IS depends on the choices of that individual...yes? At least we will be consistent in the standards we are using. Also, I'm not sure why you would think anyone would need to put the word "sorry" before saying... I'm ADD. That's like saying, sorry, I'm mentally retarded, or...sorry, I have Cerebral Palsy. How can you apologize for something you did not choose? I don't ever hear folks say that. What I do hear them say is, I'm sorry for (whatever the behavior was). ONLY if it's necessary to increase tolerance and understanding in a situation, would I hear them also say something like...I have ADD...not in an effort to excuse their behavior but to help another person understand, that's all. As far as any condition of life...ADD, wealth or poverty, wellness or illness, social status, etc...I see very little in life so "black and white" as to put it all into two categories. It's not that cut and dry to me, however, I respect your right not to "live in the grey" as I have found many of life's situations and truths, to be found there.

Journey,
I very much appreciate your response. Thank you. I agree with your observation of my tendency to put everything into black and white contrast rather than seeing the grey. I struggle with non-concrete types of realities at times, and grey is not a color found on my painter's palate! I'm going to think long and hard about what you've written because I see some of your points...and I think you're onto something. Again, thanks for sharing and opening my mind to new ways of seeing the world! : )

TGG

Although I do not have ADHD myself, my son does. I have heard it all-- mostly from people who have no idea what its like to be in my position. Of course I do not like to medicate my son, but I have to do what works and is best for him. Many of my family members did not believe that ADHD was a real issue until they saw how well the meds helped my son. The best thing you can do is try to educate people like that. And remember, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You have to do what is b est for yourself!