ADHD / ADD Support Group
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.
I am 21 years old, and I have a 19 year old brother.
He is hurting so badly right now.
He's not doing well in school, he was told that he couldn't join the military (because he takes Adderral for ADHD), he's having financial problems, he has no friends, and he doesn't feel like he belongs in his own family.
He has struggled to make and keep friends his whole life. He tends to come across as bossy and critical. He also has very little patience. He gets irritated easily and he's very quick to anger.
He treats everyone in the family horribly.
We try to show him that we love him and care about him. We try to encourage him and support him.
But no matter what we say or do, he doesn't believe that we care.
He thinks that we hate him and that we're against him.
He has very low self esteem. He thinks he is stupid, which is crazy, because he's incredibly smart. He also thinks he's a loser, which is also far from the truth. He thinks so many bad things about himself. And he assumes that we think the same way. That we view him negatively, too.
And it's not true. We actually think highly of him, and we tell him this all the time.
He exploded today. He got into a fight with my stepdad because he thought he viewed by brother as a "freeloader." (Which is completely untrue) And during the fight, he threw the plate he had been eating from, threw an ipad at his leg (which actually hurt him pretty bad), and ripped the door off.
He left, and he's staying at my dad's house for the night. I'm not sure how long he will be there.
My brother has been harsh and violent before. But this is the most dramatic episode he's had.
And I'm worried.
My stepdad says that if he continues to act this way, he will have to kick him out. Because he doesn't want his two year old son exposed to that. He saw everything today, and he actually almost got hit by the plate my brother threw.
I don't know how to help my brother.
My family has always said that he has anger problems because of his ADHD. But I'm not so sure about that. It seems like something else may be going on.
It really feels like he's delusional.
Because he thinks we hate him, view him in a negative light, are against him, etc even though we tell him and show him we love him, support him, and encourage him all the time.
And because on many occasions he has claimed to have had conversations with us that never took place.
If anyone could give their opinion on what might be going on or how I can help my brother, it would be greatly appreciated.
It makes me so sad knowing that he doesn't realize how much we love him and that he feels so alone.
I just want him to be happy.
He is hurting so badly right now.
He's not doing well in school, he was told that he couldn't join the military (because he takes Adderral for ADHD), he's having financial problems, he has no friends, and he doesn't feel like he belongs in his own family.
He has struggled to make and keep friends his whole life. He tends to come across as bossy and critical. He also has very little patience. He gets irritated easily and he's very quick to anger.
He treats everyone in the family horribly.
We try to show him that we love him and care about him. We try to encourage him and support him.
But no matter what we say or do, he doesn't believe that we care.
He thinks that we hate him and that we're against him.
He has very low self esteem. He thinks he is stupid, which is crazy, because he's incredibly smart. He also thinks he's a loser, which is also far from the truth. He thinks so many bad things about himself. And he assumes that we think the same way. That we view him negatively, too.
And it's not true. We actually think highly of him, and we tell him this all the time.
He exploded today. He got into a fight with my stepdad because he thought he viewed by brother as a "freeloader." (Which is completely untrue) And during the fight, he threw the plate he had been eating from, threw an ipad at his leg (which actually hurt him pretty bad), and ripped the door off.
He left, and he's staying at my dad's house for the night. I'm not sure how long he will be there.
My brother has been harsh and violent before. But this is the most dramatic episode he's had.
And I'm worried.
My stepdad says that if he continues to act this way, he will have to kick him out. Because he doesn't want his two year old son exposed to that. He saw everything today, and he actually almost got hit by the plate my brother threw.
I don't know how to help my brother.
My family has always said that he has anger problems because of his ADHD. But I'm not so sure about that. It seems like something else may be going on.
It really feels like he's delusional.
Because he thinks we hate him, view him in a negative light, are against him, etc even though we tell him and show him we love him, support him, and encourage him all the time.
And because on many occasions he has claimed to have had conversations with us that never took place.
If anyone could give their opinion on what might be going on or how I can help my brother, it would be greatly appreciated.
It makes me so sad knowing that he doesn't realize how much we love him and that he feels so alone.
I just want him to be happy.
When I was a child I was not diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.I had difficulties and didn't know why. I have a very high IQ...did well in school and was creative, but had problems interacting. I became shy, as I was criticized for my behavior. When I became upset, I went into a tailspin.My mind raced and I became irrational. My usually racing brain would go into over drive.
As a teen I asked my mom if I could see a psychiatrist. She told me that I was nuts. Guys called me a space cadet. I talked a lot with people I was comfortable around, but was a poor listener. So yeah I became frustrated...angry...insecure. I also was impulsive. I didn't think before I did things. My kids do that.
I did not know I was ADD until my son started school and someone mentioned ADD/ADHD.I read about it and it described me and my son. I still do not take meds, as I have learned to compensate for my short comings.
Both of my ADD children have never taken meds either. They are 18 and 25. Granted they have issues....but now a days who doesn't. They both do well in school...don't get in trouble...do not drink or do drugs. They are short tempered and get easily frustrated. But we go with the flow as best we can.
As for your brother...I know how it is to be treated with ADD...my children hide it. It is a learning disability. The hyperactivity can be controlled with a proper diet. If people in your family do not understand what it is..then read up on it. Your brother may be tired of being treated like he has some severe disease.
The military would not accept him because of the drugs he takes for ADD....not the ADD.If he wants to join he should get off the meds. I take 5htp,a supplement. It helps to calm me and slow down my racing brain. Look up diets...cut down on sugar for one thing.
Some of your brother's actions and behavior may be learned due to the way the family has treated him as a child. He's probably frustrated if he is being talked down to like he is the village idiot due to ADD. He probably doesn't want to even hear that word anymore.
Stop blaming ADD for everything. Your brother probably is a very creative and talented person.Give him a chance to shine. He may still need gentle guidance.My children do...buy they get upset when I am too overly protective. I tell them I see the train coming and will make sure they get off the tracks...they want to be given the chance to show they know that.
I know my kids have to learn from mistakes they make and they want their independence. They hate it if I mention ADD.They want to be treated like adults.That just goes for any teen. I would think at your age you would pick up on what is normal for your brother's age.
Have compassion not pity for your brother. As you seem to be the go between for your him help to diffuse situations and get everyone off your brother's back. I feel really sad for him
Maybe his meds are not right even if he does feel the need for them Maybe he should talk to his doctor about his desire to go into the military. Do not let him go cold turkey off the meds...that is never a good idea for most medication. Your brother may out grow ADD. My nephew did. My son seems more focused then he was as a child.
I hope this might help to give you some insight into an ADD world. But everyone is different and there are different kinds of ADD/ADHD. Read info from reliable sources and have him talk to his doctor.
Good luck and hugs to you for caring for your brother.
At Minimum get him on some long acting anxiety medicine this will help, so you can at least talk and have him listen without the arguing.
Keep us posted
My husband and my son butt heads a lot and it is really hard to watch. Sometimes they make me cry and I hate being put in the middle of their arguments. I hope this blows over and things improve for you all.