ADHD / ADD Support Group
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.
Hi All,
My grandson, age 23, just graduated from a university with a degree in Engineering. He was diagnosed with ADD at about age 5, and took medication for years. I don't believe he has been on medication for the last 3-4 years. He came to California to live with us after he graduated in hopes of finding a job here. He did, which is great! He is from Illinois and as a young kid spent 2-3 week for several summers with us. As he only spent two or three weeks with us once a year, and now lives with us full time, I am wondering if some of his actions are ADD related or if he is just a typical 23 year old single male. I have noticed that he does not shower often (sometimes he sticks his head under the bathtub faucet and washes his hair and face) He washes his clothes even less. He has had a job for 6 weeks now and I have never seen him wash his pants that he wears to work except for one time, one of the pants. He never hangs up his clothes, they are stuffed in a stack in his closet. When he first came to live with us he kept his room in a mess, clothes everywere. I finally told him that he needed to keep his room clean upped and not have his clothes all over the floor. He does do a good job of that now (but stuffs them all in the closet) He only wakes up for work about 15 minutes before he needs to be out the door, finds clothes on the closet floor to put on and is out the door. He seems a bit absent minded or sometimes very focused on playing computer games with others on the internet. Sometimes he says nothing when he comes in from works, just heads to his room and plays the games till he absolutely must go to bed so he can get some sleep for work. My husband and i have not had young people living with us for the last 20 years so this is an adjustment to us. He is a sweet person, no meaness, and he does help around the house which is nice! Am I dealing with a typical 23 year old, or the things he does, are they due to his ADD? Need some help understanding him! Thanks!
My grandson, age 23, just graduated from a university with a degree in Engineering. He was diagnosed with ADD at about age 5, and took medication for years. I don't believe he has been on medication for the last 3-4 years. He came to California to live with us after he graduated in hopes of finding a job here. He did, which is great! He is from Illinois and as a young kid spent 2-3 week for several summers with us. As he only spent two or three weeks with us once a year, and now lives with us full time, I am wondering if some of his actions are ADD related or if he is just a typical 23 year old single male. I have noticed that he does not shower often (sometimes he sticks his head under the bathtub faucet and washes his hair and face) He washes his clothes even less. He has had a job for 6 weeks now and I have never seen him wash his pants that he wears to work except for one time, one of the pants. He never hangs up his clothes, they are stuffed in a stack in his closet. When he first came to live with us he kept his room in a mess, clothes everywere. I finally told him that he needed to keep his room clean upped and not have his clothes all over the floor. He does do a good job of that now (but stuffs them all in the closet) He only wakes up for work about 15 minutes before he needs to be out the door, finds clothes on the closet floor to put on and is out the door. He seems a bit absent minded or sometimes very focused on playing computer games with others on the internet. Sometimes he says nothing when he comes in from works, just heads to his room and plays the games till he absolutely must go to bed so he can get some sleep for work. My husband and i have not had young people living with us for the last 20 years so this is an adjustment to us. He is a sweet person, no meaness, and he does help around the house which is nice! Am I dealing with a typical 23 year old, or the things he does, are they due to his ADD? Need some help understanding him! Thanks!
Kerry
I have 3 kids with ADHD, and I have it myself as a 42 yr old woman. I can tell you this much: One of my sons will go weeks on end without showering and days wearing the same clothes, even though they DO smell! His father and I have to be on him all the time for this. My other ADHD children are not like that. My daughter is obsessively clean (she has anxiety too, which is one reason for the obsessiveness) and my other son does not have ADHD that badly, so he tends to be more apt to be and look clean.
With some ADHDers, they are too interested in other things to bother with getting clean. Anything that is "boring" is last on the to-do list. He probably sees showering and washing his clothes as a chore he just cannot get his mind stimulated about. He hates to spend time that he could be playing his video games on something as unexciting as taking care of his hygiene! lol!
Messiness is another hallmark of the disorder. We have disorganized brains and have great difficulty even being able to judge where things should go without labels posted. Again, if folding his clothes and putting them neatly away holds no immediate "reward" for his brain that is more exciting than something else he's very interested in, then it's going to fall by the wayside.
It is hard for us to look ahead to the future rewards of things like that, such as the respect he would get for looking/smelling nice, (He might even see that as being shallow, lol) or being able to find necessary items in his room. And unfortunately, the inner satisfaction he might feel within himself for keeping a clean room is simply not enough motivation to bother with it. It's so hard for him to KEEP it that way, that it may feel it to be an overwhelming burden.
Many, many kids and Adults with ADHD are addicted to video games. If not that, then it's their phone, or the internet, or some other device or addiction. But the games at his age is a dead give-away that it's his ADHD.
A great book for you to read would be "Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD?" written by Gena Pera. It will help you immensely in understanding him and in how to deal with it as someone who loves an ADD person.
Best of luck to you. It's a wonderful thing you are doing by letting him live with you. :)