Lisa

I am so sorry that your mom passed. I an fairly new to AML as my son was dxd in March 2014, but I have been told of people who passed within hours of being dxd.

Leukemia is not known to be genetic and although they know of some causes they dont know how most people get it.

Hugs to you and your father.

Karen

Thank you, Karen. This is very interesting to learn. I am very sorry to hear about your son being diagnosed with this ridiculous disease.

I keep wondering whether it was better that my mom passed right away after diagnosis or if it would have been better to have a few months in between diagnosis and her passing. On the one hand, it would have been nice to have some time to spend with her and say our goodbyes. But knowing both of our personalities (we are both obsessive-compulsive types) I don't know if we would have been able to handle the anticipation of what would likely come soon.

I feel so confused - I don't know where she (her spirit) is, or if it's anywhere at all. I don't know why this happened, and if it happened for a reason or if it's just pure random bad luck. I don't know how my father will be able to carry on and he refuses to get counseling. Sorry for my rambling. This probably isn't the right place to even talk about this.

So so sorry to hear about your loss of your mother. AML is very aggressive and things change quite rapidly although a few hours is just not enough time.

My brother was diagnosed in 12/ 2013 then had a transplant 4/14 and relapsed. His white blood count was exponentially increasing during the period we found out about the relapse. This is a difficult journey. there are good days and there are extremely bad days. What I find the most difficult is to see my brother uncomfortable extremely weak, nauseosness,diarrhea, fevers, etc. Seeing that you mom passed quickly spares you from the emotional turmoil and day to day results of different types of chemo

May God grand you peace and strength and good health!

cecilia

Cecilia,
That is what my dad said happened to my mom: her WBC count was just spreading like a wildfire, he said. I am so sorry to hear about your brother, and you are right, my mother's suffering was limited to only a few days, and so all of us were spared a longer process. It would have been difficult for me to handle watching my mom be sick when she was so tough throughout her life. I hope the best for you and your brother.

I'm so sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and your father. I definitely feel your pain because my mother passed away at a young age too due to cancer. Take care

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think we ever get over the loss off a parent. May almighty God grant you peace.

In regard to Aml and heredity, there is a post with that as a topic that may help you. The bottom line although sometimes associated with a generic, chromosomal abnormality such as the type I had, inversion of the 16 chromosome. It is not hereditary. It was the first question I asked the doctor when I dxd because at the time my daughters were 12 10 & 8 and they are my reason for living. My fervent prayer is that God allows me to raise my daughters.

Blessings

Julie

Lisa,

What a tragic loss. I know how you feel. I lost my mother on June 4, and the sadness for me and my family is without description. Leukemia is a terrible disease. So far, on this wonderful website, many of us have been lucky and have survived this ordeal. Not all of us will make it, but I think the prayers of some have saved many, or at least I like to think of it that way. I feel so badly for you and your father. I am starting to pull out of my grief for my beloved mother, and, with time, you will too. Don't be angry, Lisa. That will get you nowhere. I was angry when I was diagnosed with AML, and jealous of everyone around me who was healthy. I have learned a lot about myself because of this disease, and you will learn how much you prize life. Be there for your Dad.

Will be thinking of you,

Cliff

Lisa- I am sorry, I too lost a parent, my dad, in jan 2012, to aml. I know your pain, emotion, confusion, and anger all to well! The loss of my dad was quite soon after his diagnosis, but not as quick as yours. I still think of how it played out daily, actually multiple times per day. He was mis-diagnosed originally at the local hospital and discharged more than a few times from the E.R with glaringly obvious aml symptoms, as well as also dismissed by an actual hemotologist he had been seing for MONTHS! The whole experience was (and still is) mind blowing (considering what I know now)!!!!
To add insult to injury, my husband, 42 years young (as of yesterday), was diagnosed w the exact same horrid disease almost exactly 1 year later, 9 months after our first child, Isabella was born. To wonder if aml is genetic is a constant on my mind... My luck= my dad and husband got the same horrible disease, i still don't believe it sometimes! Why, why do I need to continue to suffer every day, watching my dad die then my husband get aml, suffer thru 6 months of treatment while we have an infant, then only to relapse a year later(4/2

Lisa- I am so sorry, I too lost a parent, my dad, in jan 2012, to AML. I know your pain, emotions, confusion, and anger all to well! The loss of my dad was quite soon after his diagnosis, but not as quick as yours. I still think of how it played out daily, actually multiple times per day. He was mis-diagnosed originally at the local hospital and discharged more than a few times from the E.R with glaringly obvious aml symptoms, as well as also dismissed by an actual hemotologist he had been seing for MONTHS! The whole experience was (and still is) mind blowing (considering what I know now)!!!!
To add insult to injury, my husband, now 42 years young (as of yesterday), was diagnosed w the exact same horrid disease almost exactly 1 year later, 9 months after our first child, Isabella was born. To wonder if aml is genetic is constantly on my mind... My luck= my dad and husband got the same horrible disease, i still don't believe it sometimes! Why, why do I need to continue to suffer every day? I'm not going to say I don't question "His" plan, that would be sugar coating the reality quite a bit. Having to literally watch my dear father be unhooked from life support, and then witness my husband get AML, suffer thru 6 months of treatment while we have an infant, then only to relapse a year later(04/2014) and now just recently undergo a BMT - I don't know how much more I can take!
I do know your pain of not having those final moments w your mom, as I've experiened it, and I pray for your peace, and for your dad's as well. I worry for my mom every day, they were 19 years old when the were mArried, and had just celAbrated their 45th wedding anniv. Be there for him as best as you can, it will help you both.

I still have "questions" that are unanswered every single day, BUT I have another day, maybe not w my dad, but another day w my amazing husband Tony-", and our (now)2 year old baby girl Isabella. all I know is what I have in front of me, and that is a husband who's fighting for his life( a Life where he sees his lil girl grow up) and the most amazing blessing God could have given us, Izzy. When the time is right and the dust settles just enough, look at what's in front of you, grab hold of it, and don't let go, live each day to you fullest...in memory of your Mom.
My thoughts and prayers are with you
Lea

Hello Lisa. I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved father in law to aml 3 months ago. We are an incredibly tight knit family and I've been part of their lives for a very long time, so although it wasn't a parent, I completely share my husband and his sister's grief.. It is all still very raw.

We didn't expect him to pass (he was in treatment for about 5 weeks) so this took us completely by shock. We were told by the doctors in the icu that he was not going to make it, and we sat by his side holding his hand for over 8 hrs until his heart stopped. I too then started thinking the way you did.. Would it have been better if we had known he would pass earlier, or if he hadn't undergone the treatment which ravaged him, or or or or. It went around our heads non-stop. We never said goodbye (since he was put in an induced coma), and that hurts too.

In the aftermath of his passing, most difficult was helping my mother in law. They were together for over 40 years and at the beginning she could not even get out of bed. All she did was cry, lost so much weight, and repeated "why did he leave us".

I share all of this not to discourage you, but to say that 3 months down the road, we are all somehow coping and things have become more manageable. Mom is in counseling (which took 3 months of persuasion), and the rest of us somehow get by. We are slowly able to find memories to laugh at (though those often bring us tears too), and move forward. It's still very hard, but the anger has more or less passed, even for mom.

I also wanted to say.. This is a terrible disease, and watching someone you care about undergo treatment can be unbearable. I got no peace during dad's treatment because I kept expecting a call from the hospital with bad news. We visited every single day and it was gut wrenching. I wish so much he had made it, but by the end, he was in such bad state that I knew it was just selfish to ask him to fight much more. I know it's not really comforting (and perhaps even not appropriate) but your mother was spared all this.

Lastly.. Even though my darling husband lost his father, he keeps it together (as we are expecting our first child in little over two months). His take is that... "our parents love us with every fibre of their being and it would devastate their souls to see us unhappy. Remember Dad with a smile and whenever you feel sad, ask him what to do, and if you listen carefully he WILL answer you..." It's taken a while to be able to follow this advice but we are all slowly getting there. So all I can say is stay strong, be there for your dad as much as is possible, don't let him be alone more than can be helped, and have faith in human resilience.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss, and all my prayers are with your family.

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and wishes, and also the good advice. I will make sure to visit my dad often (he lives across the country). He emailed me today that he feels like half of him died with my mom. I've been spending a lot of time thinking for the right words to make him feel better, but I think spending time with him will be the most helpful.

Through your heartbreaking stories, I'm convinced now that, at least for my mom and me, it was better that it was a quick process rather than having it last longer, even though I didn't get to have any final words with her.

Lea, I am praying that your husband will make a full recovery and get to see your precious baby grow up.

Angela, thank you so much for sharing your experience with me, and I hope your family will gain more peace as time goes on.

Cliff, my heart goes out to you and hope both of us will receive comfort and be able to eventually smile at the good memories of our mothers.

Arleon, my condolences to you, as well.

Julie, you have made it so far, and I am sure you will see your beautiful daughters grow up. Good to hear, too, that it isn't hereditary.