Thank you for all of your feedback and support concerning my skin issue. I had a biopsy done on it and, heartbreakingly, it has been diagnosed as leukemia cutis. I just don't understand how it keeps coming back. I've had so much chemo and a bone marrow transplant. I hate the "R" word, but this is the second time it has returned now. I just don't get it. I feel so healthy and normal, despite these skin lesions. But, I have also developed some swollen lymph nodes in my groin area. My doctor called yesterday saying he wanted me admitted ASAP for more chemo. This was devastating to hear as my birthday is approaching soon, and I cannot imagine spending my 26th birthday in the hospital.

My mom told him that his phone call made me hysterical (which it did). And then he changed his stance. He is now going to meet with us on Saturday to discuss treatment options. Has anyone heard of doing chemotherapy for AML as outpatient? I know it sounds bad, but I don't know what I would do to myself if I had to go back in the hospital again. I hate the way I'm treated in there. Like I am helpless and incompetent. And I lose my dignity every time. My doctor is also thinking about doing another bone marrow transplant, but this time from my other brother who was also a 10/10 match.

I know I should be grateful that my doctor still thinks I will be okay in the long run and that he still has options to treat me. He says my blood and bone marrow and spinal fluid are still clear, so I don't know how this is happening.

Finally, I am wondering if anyone knows of any sedation drug that I could receive if I do have to go back into the hospital? I just can't do this anymore, and I know I will not be psychologically well or a very good patient if I have to go back in. It might sound crazy, but I want to ask my doctor if he can just keep me on something while I'm in the hospital, just so I can get through it without completely losing my mind.