Dave, I agree with your choice to just let it sit for awhile. As an ACOA we tend to make decisions we later regret. If this person is sincere, time will shed light. Sleep well and no worries!

"But do I have the right to not share with someone where we are?"

I believe we have some basic rights to keep ourselves safe and sane.

I reserve the right to share with those I trust, and I will exercise my right to have secrets and to decide how much of my life I choose to reveal, whom I reveal it to and to decide when is the best time to do so.

And on top of all that, I reserve the right to change my mind about all of it if circumstances change or call for it.

I will not feel unduly obligated to or responsible for others.

I will no longer get manipulated by others with guilt trips (something that used to work quite well for those who tried).

I will pay close attention to that little voice of caution deep inside and if necessary wait things out.

Dave, from what I have seen, you have have a really good sense for people. I agree with notrunning that it's okay to let it sit for bit. Meanwhile, I am supporting you with good thoughts and prayers for clarity and peace.

When someone reaches out... I want the hand of recovery to be there.

I guess the hard part for me is I know all of you. You let me into your world through the board and through PMs. Somebody can ask me what "--" is like and I can give you a quick run down about anyone here.

It is just that I don't know this person that well... and because of that should I deny them the chance to feel the love I have felt from each of you.

We have all talked about how our HPs have gotten us to this point... maybe this is where this person is meant to be as well. Maybe they needed a little "safer" place to come out of their shell.

I really don't believe there is any kind of a threat to our sanctuary and if the roles were reversed it would truly hurt if I felt no one wanted me.

In all honesty, there is only one person from that board that I do not want on this board... and I repeat ONE... towards the end another person started giving me grief but I believe it all comes back to that one person.

I think today I am going to share sanctuary with this person... after sleeping on it and listening... I feel fine with this person... the sad part is no one really knows her... she kept really quiet... and Sanctuary maybe the place she needs to be RIGHT NOW...

Love & Peace
Dave

We never really know what is going on is somebody's life and that person could have been going through a very difficult time and feeling vulnerable and therefore vulnerable to being easily led by a bully. I guess I feel that for me it would be so wrong on a human/humane level to leave that person in an environment where they may not only be bullied further, but may feel very alone and unloved and not grow. I would hate to think of somebody being left in that situation. It would break my heart. We all make mistakes. Seems all that person may need is nurturing and to feel safe. She may just need to feel safe and in a loving environment. I feel it would be wrong to deny her that. K xx

P.S. Oh! But I do agree also with keeping ourselves safe!!!! For sure !!!!!! God! The last few days have really brought that home to me. ((((Love and hugs to all!))))

i am keeping it very close to the vest where we are---told only a FEW trusted folks--

what do we do if a predator should come??? how would we protect the board???? how do we keep out the predators if they got on the board?????

i think we have a right to keep this kinda private , however if somebody gets on and looks safe, i think we should check them out----too bad we don't have a mod where we can protect----we got predated upon on our last board and the owner supported it----i dont' wanna go through that again, so what shall we do to keep this place safe?????

Rosie, by starting this site and being the founder I was given those powers and there is no higher authority. That person will NEVER be welcomed here.

I shouldn't say never... the truth is I would welcome her here... with the blessings of everyone if a public amends was made here. Not to humiliate but rather so we all could see the humility, the sincerity, and the responsibility... but I doubt that will ever take place...

For what it's worth, I believe that extending an invitation and carrying the recovery message in doing so, seems to be essential for any community. I think Dave said it beautifully with, "When someone reaches out... I want the hand of recovery to be there."

Knowing that we all keep a watchful eye out for each other,I feel safe here. I AM safe here. And I won't be afraid to use the ignore button if necessary, not one bit. I had an opportunity to practice "Ignore" yesterday when some 20something year old initiated a conversation on that meebo chat feature by saying, "I have mommy issue and am looking for older women." *chuckling* I can assure you all the ignore button is doing its job.

*laughing a lot* Anagami... you never know what a person will find away from Sanctuary but it is good to know the ignore does work

*giggling* Oh! Anagami !!!! Oh God! Oh! I am SO pleased to know that ignore button works! Oh heavens above!!!!!! I came a cross a couple of photos while browsing members that ...well........er.......anyway......oh.....er.....erm..............well, they were "members" alright ! Just not the kind of "members? I expected to find..........nearly fainted !!!!!!

I had someone who sent me a "hug" who's picture was Alfred E. Neuman as a zombie. EWWW!

I do hope the doors remain open here. One of the traditions, and you know I have all those memorized, does says that our purpose is to spead the word to those who still suffer. If a sanctuary doors remains shut it can become a prison.

Hobbit? Did you make a post... on the main page it says you were the last one to respond but nothing is here? Not that it matters... still just trying to figure out how everything works on here

Now I see, it was on the second page... and what you said is right... I think that is the "welcome guy" - Chesty - and he seems to give everyone a hug when they join...

Oh, okay. Not so wierd. Good.

M

It has been my experience that groups that operate a clique tend to wither and die. That I of course balance with our common welfare always having to come first.

There are people who attend meetings I go to who can be extremely tiring and tiresome to the group for various reasons. For me in no way should they be removed from the group, though a group conscience may decide to bring in maximum times for sharing if that person is constantly selfishly hogging the share time in a meeting to the detriment of others.

That is a very different case scenario though to someone stating outright their deliberate desire to harm/destroy a group. It is way too easy to hide behind the internet. If that is a personâs stated aim â then that is unacceptable and cannot possibly accord with our common welfare.

I donât think we need any rules â I think our HP and common sense will guide us. We have an ignore button for folk who we may not wish to come across â though I often tell my sponsees to try and listen to the message that person is trying to carry and not the messenger. It also teaches love and tolerance.

It would be so easy after what happened to want to isolateâ¦â¦thatâs not carrying the message for me. I hope this place becomes a home to any acoa out there looking for one â or any lost soul who identifies with us and wants a place to call home.

Deliberate attempts to cause disharmony need dealing with in the strongest possible way - that is obvious, but other than that I think patience, love ,tolerance and openness should be the key. Nobody who wishes us harm need stay. Those who disagree with the group consciense are also free to go elsewhere.

There was a lady who used to only ever turn up for our group consciense meetings - never had a real clue as to what was actually going on in the group and the problems we were suffering and left because she disagreed with the group conscience. The group is now stronger than ever.....with many more members who feel safe and comfortable. These things have a way of sorting themselves out I believe if we rely on guidance from our HPs and try to deal with things in a loving way.

Love to everyone !
Karen xx