First let me say how very sorry i am for your loss. There can be nothing worse than losing a child.
As far as contacting the other person I am not sure I would do that. May I ask you why you want to contact her? What are you hoping to gain by talking to her? Are you looking for an explanation or for her to show you remorse? I am afraid that no matter what she would say to you it would not be what you are looking for. You will still be without your child and nothing she can say will bring her back. I know you are hoping for answers, but I am afraid that is not what you will get from her. I felt like I needed the man who hit me to reach out to me also. he lived less than a mile from my house and had to pass my home with the newly built wheelchair ramp every day. He even passed me one day when my husband was taking me for a walk. i realized then he had no feelings for what he had done to me and that trying to talk to him would only bring me more pain. I have forgiven him for what he has done to me and my family, but I still made sure he would never hurt anyone again by putting him in prison. Forgiving him took a long time and I forgave him for me. I think trying to make contact may only increase your pain. Again I am very sorry for everything you have gone through and what you will go through in the future. Just know that everyone here on DS are with you and we are willing to listen if you need to talk. May you have brighter days ahead.

thank you for your reply. Just another bit of info.... the reason why i wrote this is because i cannot understand how she hasnt contacted me im not ready yet to talk to her but maybe she could have wrote to me. Why i am saying this is because she wrote to the guards requesting her car back and couldnt contact me to say she was sorry, the fact she wrote for her car back gives me the impression that she dont care about what she has done maybe thats just me i dont know but i just cant understand how she could even have the mind to write to the letter to get her car back.

shirley

I'm sorry for your loss. In my opinion It is about closure. If it is closure you need, seek the closure. Your head will not rest in peace until you do. I don't think anyone can really answer this question for you but it is what you need to do to feel even the tiniest bit of relief. I would like to be able to say more to help but it has to be your decision.

Hi Shirley,
I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot even imagine what you must be feeling.
If I was responsible for the death of a child (or anyone for that matter), I wouldn't think twice about contacting the parent of that person. I would feel so much pain myself having caused the death of another human being.
Maybe this person has not contacted you because they feel absolutely devastated and cannot find the words - or perhaps they know they could never offer you comforting words for what they have done. Maybe they have so much guilt and shame and are internally punishing themselves. Does this person admit to doing this or are they in denial? Is there an ongoing court case and this person may have been advised by their attorney not to talk to you just yet.
What's most important for you right now is to find forgiveness for this person in your heart. You may not be ready to do that right now, and that's ok, but eventually you will have to or you will not have peace in your life. We cannot rely on other people to do the right thing, we can only rely on ourselves. I hope you find the peace you need and don't let that rely solely on waiting for a heartfelt apology from this other person.

I say yes I would contact by writung a letter or calling . If I were responcible for the death or injuries of another person or involved in the accident. I would want to express my heart felt
sorrow for the loss of the other family Or for the injury they suffered. But I can see where most people would not. Because they might think in this case that you do not want to hear from them. If I was the cause of the other persons injury or death I would want to say I am so sorry I did not mean for this to happen . An accident is just that an accident. Maybe caused by a minor mistake on the part of some one not intending to hurt anyone. Any thing can change in a blink of an eye. When a person is then found at fault they must live with it for the rest of their life and that can be a devistaing reality even when they did not have any intention of hurting anyone. Guilt is a very hard emotion to live with. Hate is also hard to live with and blame is hard to deal with. My son right now is in the hospital with sever injuries from a motor cycle accident that was not his fault but because of a simple common mistake of another man on another motor cycle who did not look to see if the way was clear to drive across the highway, Two people are criticly hurt amd will have a long road to recovery. Nither man was out to hurt or cause an accident that day. They were both out with friends for a Sunday day of fun with friends having the time of their life and in one split second their lives were changed forever and both could still lose their life. Both families are in a world of hurt and fear. I could be angy but I am just filled with worry for my son as well as for the other mother's son .We pray each day for them and our family as well. Not only did they suffer the injuries but they have to live with the fact that a simple mistake caused all this suffering. I see no reason for either of us to really be angry. It was an accident. I can send a letter to that other family telling them that I am praying for them. Our family will not be bringing charges againset them . There has been enough hurt already. We can not turn back time and undo that tiny little mistake that happens in a blink of an eye.
The two men are in the same hospital. They were flown in the same lifeflight Hellicopter together. They will both have life long problems to deal with. I say donot blame anyone for an accident. Now it would be much different if someone with anger and with for thought strikes out to hurt someone or to kil them. We should all be ready to forgive . I am not angry that the other man made a mistake I am sad but not angry. He will pay for his mistake in many ways if he lives. People so often want revenge and they are angry. Let go of the anger and resentment that someone made a mistake that had devistating results. Put yourself in the other pesrons shoe. Walk in their shoes. I know the hurt you feel . I know the anger one can feel and I know the feelings of guilt that come when you are the cause of an accident. We all want to go on with out life in most cases even if we are guilty of causing a accident that took someones life. Why do people always want to hit back or get even when we are hurt . Don't let your anger or hurt get in the way of forgiveness. Two wrongs do not make a right. Let go of the anger let go of the blame. Live in the joyful memories of your child not in the tragity of her death. Know if this was an acciden no one set out to take your childs life or to hurt her or cause you pain. Maybe you should wirte a letter of forginess to the person that you are seeking a letter from . Maybe by doing that you can release your self from so much pain and maybe release them from a life time of guilt feeling.
It is all about love and forgiveness. and going on with your life.