Abstinence & Celibacy Support Group
The pressures of sex from peers, the media and culture can be overwhelming, but you are in total control of your body and celibacy is a choice that many are making. Find sanctuary with people who are choosing to abstain without fear of judgment.
Let's say you have the chance to get together with someone you're attracted to. She's already told you she's really attracted back to you.
Let's say that she's not in a relationship with someone else. And you know she wants to be physical with you.
But let's say that it's someone you don't feel comfortable with emotionally. When you try to open yourself to her, you feel like you have to push down a part of you that wants to come up. Like you have to hide a part of yourself that's important. You can carry on a conversation with her, because you have the skill to do that, but it doesn't feel good.
In fact, it's painful.
And repressing how you feel goes against the grain of how you want to live life.
Do you continue to ignore your feelings and pursue physical gratification, thereby feeling superficial excitement, but making yourself feel lousy?
Or do you honor yourself and feel better inside, while losing the chance a rare chance for physical stimulation, of which you've had relatively little in your life and so crave these days?
Which way would you go?
Let's say that she's not in a relationship with someone else. And you know she wants to be physical with you.
But let's say that it's someone you don't feel comfortable with emotionally. When you try to open yourself to her, you feel like you have to push down a part of you that wants to come up. Like you have to hide a part of yourself that's important. You can carry on a conversation with her, because you have the skill to do that, but it doesn't feel good.
In fact, it's painful.
And repressing how you feel goes against the grain of how you want to live life.
Do you continue to ignore your feelings and pursue physical gratification, thereby feeling superficial excitement, but making yourself feel lousy?
Or do you honor yourself and feel better inside, while losing the chance a rare chance for physical stimulation, of which you've had relatively little in your life and so crave these days?
Which way would you go?
No one's going to judge you on what you do, heck if they do, they'd probably be happier if you just go ahead and forget about your honor, so no one's going to judge you negatively, except me and maybe yourself if you're honorable enough, but I'm some random guy from some distant place so I don't count do I? =]
If that hypothetical question wasn't about yourself, then just ignore my assuming it is about yourself. Keep your honor and wait for some other person that will make it meaningful for you. Since you already mentioned that immediate physical gratification would be superficial inevitably making you feel lousy, don't do it. The ordinary person wouldn't feel "lousy" after the "excitement", nevermind how superficial and demeaning it was - because they only care about the excitement itself and don't want to find anything else beyond that.
That said, maybe another solution if possible is to spend more time with this person until you can open up and be emotionally comfortable around her, thus hoping you don't have to hide your real self around her all the time. Truth is, if she's the type of person I gather (and I'm being cynical here), as soon as you start denying her what she wants and start opening up to her emotionally, she'll start to lose interest in you. If right from the start all she's looking for is "physical gratification", then she's not the type of person I would be looking to be with, considering I'm looking for something more, what about yourself?
How rare a chance it is, cravings don't affect me, (my judgement that is, there are always temptations as long as you're human) so I don't know how to comment or be sympathetic towards those feelings, it's probably because I'm a good ten years younger than yourself, as time passes my "cravings" may grow stronger but I wouldn't let it distort any of my choices, you make your choices from the morals, the standards that you keep to and not because you've got this almost physical urge to do something which you know has no real meaning, don't empower that urge, crush it and de-value it (the craving, urge, feeling), and think of your own standards.
Wells have a great day, remember to pause after each,(1,2) comma. =]
I think you should never have to push down part of yourself to be with somebody, If I'm going to be in a relationship, I would want to be completely myself.
I'm not sure how my logic sounds to you, but I hope I helped.
I often feel better to know that others are going through (or have recently gone through) struggles that I'm facing. Let me assure you that you are not facing any temptation that is uncommon. I've been there, as recently as a few months ago. I'm not saying that it's easy to make it through, but I'm saying that countless others have made it through before you.
It is not often that I find sound advice in William Shakespeare, but in Act I, scene iii of Hamlet, Polonius gives his son, Laertes, some advice. He says, "This above all: to thine own self be true" Now, I admit that I don't know you from the man on the moon, but from your profile, you say, "For most of my life, I knew I would wait until I was married to have sex. That just felt right." This sounds like who you are and who you want to be. You wouldn'tbe here, posting this question if it weren't. Be true to that man. Don't let anything dissuade you from who you are and what. Don't let hormones, desires or temptations keep you from being who you are. Be true to yourself.
Polonius goes on to say, "and it must follow, as the night the day thou cannot then be false to any man." If you're not true to yourself, you can't be true to anyone else, including this woman that you're considering getting together with. Is that fair to her? Are you giving her yourself, your true self, or are you giving her some hollow aproximation of yourself? Is that good enough for you?
From my recollection, you told me once that you are Jewish. I will limit my biblical advice to (what I know as) the Old Testament. When facing temptation like this, I often look to the story of Joseph and Potiphar's wife in the book of Genesis. Joseph is the keeper of Potiphar's house and Potiphar's wife keeps hitting on him, trying to get him to sleep with her. Joseph says, "How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?"
Later, she hits on him again, grabbing him by his cloak. He takes his cloak off, leaving it in her hands and does what the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob would have him (and, I believe, you) do. He ran like the wind!
How easy it would have been for Joseph to give in and sleep with her. No one would have known, except God. Joseph may even have escaped the trial of being in prison by doing so, but God used that to prepare him to be the "prime minister" of Egypt, leading that land through a horrible 7 year famine and reunited him with his family. God honored Joseph for his decision.
I would also encourage you to read very carefully the fifth chapter of the book of Proverbs. This is king Solomon's advice to his son.
May the LORD make His face to shine upon you in this decision.
Yes, this was something I was... am... facing.
I know what I have to do.
But... please understand: I've been buckling. It's been hard to wait for the physical touch I'm looking for. Here was, is, an opportunity.
I know what's right, though.
And I have the intention of acting on that this evening.
(Though I'll conclude with one thought: I'm an imperfect person......)