FindingKat,

I seriously think you could greatly benefit from listening to Joel Osteen sermons because in the, he often says that we should not put an question mark where God has put a period.

In other words, God closes the wrong doors and we need not ask why because eventually we'll have the answers, God knows what he's doing, we need not question it or dwell on what's transpired that did not work out as we expected.

You have no idea how many times, God has not just closed a door but slammed it in my face before I was even near it. I used to wonder and drive myself batty over it. These days I simply accept what's transpired because I know deep down God ALWAYS wants the best for me and if he closes a door, there must have been a darn good reason, and it turns out, there always was.

Just to name a typical example: I dated a girl and almost married her who ended up breaking up with and left me for another, she came back 5 years later to tell me the guy she left me for gave her herpes. I had to wait 5 years to get the answer but see? It was for the best. I could sit here and write all the others but you get the gist.

Yes, it hurts and in time, you'll be able to move on but the gist of my post is this: You have got to start trusting God completely and you have got to stop mulling over what could have been because that is exactly what keeps you from a wonderful future.

The way back to wholeness is to realize that you are not broken, you just feel broken, huge difference. You are still a woman, you always have been. In fact, being a woman has nothing to do with who you are with but how you feel about yourself, you know? You can be a woman while alone in the middle of the desert, even.

I'm saying this exactly because I've been through it so many times, I should be a millionaire by now, but now when it happens, I simply say,"Thanks for showing me that was not for me." But, at the same time, because I trust God more often than myself, I can see early on how someone is wrong for me, because I choose to listen to my intuition more than my heart, huge difference in my quality of life.

And lastly, you need to learn to love and appreciate yourself as God does, exactly as God does, otherwise you'll go through this roller coaster til the cows come home.

Hugs,
Wolf

Wow! You left me speechless. You opened up my eyes. God really does know what He does. I am sorry about your situation.

As a woman, the way we perceive and feel things are different from guys. I guess perception really does have a way of impacting you, whether good or bad. Thanks for opening up my eyes.

Sincerely,
Kathleen

I have this idea that we will always love someone once we love them. It just gets placed in some part of ourselves not to be visited because it is so painful. Maybe it is better to just allow this. It seems that to try to block these feelings through anger, resentment or anything of the sort just reduces our capacity to love and feel empathy.

I believe that gratitude is the key. Hard to have resentment in the presence of gratitude. Praise is even better.

Blessings to you and to all who read this,
Terry

P.S. I don't believe in the concept of "the one." I believe that there are scores of people who could walk the path with us for a while.

Its always been easier to fight off what you have than what you don't have. That's always been me.

But, as much as i want to disagree with you on certain things, you are right. When you do love someone, you always will. It's all about a matter of time and acceptance. But it also comes with experience. I guess experience and trial and error really makes you wiser...

Coming to the idea of " the one", i do believe that there is someone for everyone. But like you said, there are ppl who walk with us for a while. It's from those ppl you walk with for a while that makes you realize that there is a possible someone for you, at the right time and right place.

As for now, I rather wait. Its not what I would prefer, but I find when I do think its someone for me, its a learning lesson.

thanks for the post. this is exactly where i am in life.

Thank you for the post. I find this quite hard as i was brought up in a semi-Calvinist faith where the idea was that God has predestined the most important things. Even though this was not something I thought i consciously believed, through therapy i came to realise that this had become for me much of the basis on which my feelings to someone else were based. I suppose all i can do is steer clear of the realisation of the particular way of thinking i then tend to fall into. Thank you again so much for your posts suggestions of addressing prayers. sincerely , Nina.

And then on the other hand there is the prevailing view that you should have to find someone. How hard it is, especially if you are isolated.

I've been their recently, "the one" ended up abusing me and scarring me, even after we spent 3 years getting to know eachothr and he is fully aware that I was abused in the past. Right now it is me myself and I and I cannot be any happier these days!

Think, the time you spend caring and nurturing someone who is selfish and hurtful towards you could be time spent loving and nurturing yourself!

All those times you've spent making him dinner, all the money you've spent buying him nice things and suprising him...
Spend your extra time doing you nails, or cook YOURSELF a nice big fancy meal. I'm sure you treated him like a king, now its time to treat yourself like a QUEEN.

Rememeber to distract youself in positive ways honey,

"the one"...
I've honestly had at least 3 men in my life that I was certain were the one I was destined to be with....eh..

This has happened to me. This is what has led me to my choice. Its really about patience. Soon we will all have the right person for ourselves. Whether we wait till marraige or truly take our time to build a frienship before giving ourselves to just anyone.