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How to tell someone you don't feel chemisty

SearchingAndWaiting
SearchingAndWaiting
I'd like to find a gentle, compassionate way to tell someone that I don't feel chemistry with her and don't want to continue to see her. I've come to a point where I realize it would be better (in some cases) to be honest than to find an excuse to stop seeing the person. This also would help me in my move to be more assertive with my feelings, thereby respecting MYself more.
Can anyone suggest a way of saying it that does not imply blame and reflects my sadness?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Can you be honest AND gentle? Was your reliationship only about sex? Telling someone you don't want to see her any more seems like rejecting her as a person (not very gentle IMHO). You can tell her that sex with her is not fitting in with your needs (i.e. not all people are compatible, if you can be honest about reasons without criticizing her), but you can still offer your friendship (and be honest about this too). Then it's upto her if she wants to continue.
deleted_user
deleted_user
In his defense I can tell you that for absolute certain it was not all about sex.

Simple honest words are more kind than false gentleness. Don't shout. Expect a tear or two but to drag it out would be unkind. Just cut her loose.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The best thing that you can do is to be honest. Don't make it about her character or about her as a person. Make sure that she knows that you like and respect her as a person and that its just one little thing.

The other piece of advice I have is to take the blame. If something that she is doing makes you want to break up with her, thats your fault. You can't change another person, you can only change how you react to them. If the reason that you're breaking up is something that you can't or won't change your reaction to, tell her that.

So, a blueprint would be to say something like, "You're a terrific person and you are so close to what I want in a partner. But, there are just the times that you _______. I just don't react well when people do that. It's my fault that I'm not more open about ______. I hope that we can continue to be friends."

If it really is just a lack of chemistry, just say that because, chances are, she feels it too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Make it short and stick to the main idea. Connection and chemistry are important factors to you and you don't feel it. Apologize and wish her the best. Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Unfortunately, I cannot think of anything that would be better than sincerity. You can still be tactful but the words must be your own. Probably best not to send her a singing telegram. Make sure you're both seated and there are tissues at hand. Of course imagine if you were in her shoes how you would feel. Nobody ever said being a man was easy.