Georgia,

I hate to be one to tell you that if you are still having sex with your bf, you are not being celibate. it is not a judgment but an observation. Celibacy means not being sexual in any way with others, period.

I think what is happening here and I may be wrong but I'm inclined to think that you two are still sexually involved but are trying to find loopholes to be okay about it according to your religious beliefs.

This is a very dangerous premise because your focus is not the religious practice but what you can do without getting in trouble with the "establishment". In other words, it is not an honest relationship you are both having with the source of your religious beliefs.

It is not that is wrong per se but that your spiritual relationship is lacking discipline and trust from you. Basically it is about you and your beliefs.

Let's say that you are Jewish and you obey the tenets but every now and then you have a bite of a bacon cheeseburger, not the whole burger mind you but a bite. You talk yourself into thinking that it was only a bite, so you think it's okay.

The reason why I bring this up is because I see it time and time again, Christians who pledge celibacy and then see what they can do to pretty much get around it so that they can still be sexual. Christianity is not a religion a la carte, you cannot pick and choose which tenets to follow and which to avoid so that you remain comfy.

So the question here would be: Just how serious are you two about actually waiting until marriage? Why would you two make a vow only to find loopholes? I understand that we are sexual beings but making a vow is also very important to the psyche.

Again I am not condemning your behavior, simply I am pointing out to something that seems to be missing: resolve. Because you are asking about other forms of sexual acts if they are okay.

So how do YOU feel about it? Are you okay with it? Regardless of what the Bible says how do you feel about it? If you feel that you'd rather be somewhat sexual with your bf, then I suggest you revise your religious beliefs and pick a religion that is not so constricting for you.

Hope this helps,
Wolf

Georgia I think you and your boyfriend are practicing abstinence but not celibacy. I know some christians who did everything EXCEPT penetration before they got married and still considered themselves a virgin on their wedding day. Yes they were abstinent but they were not celibate. When you are celibate or chaste, you turn your body and mind over to God. You desire to spend your time with God. God is watching when you are with your boyfriend. He sees all and knows all. If you want to continue to be sexually active with your boyfriend, that is your choice. but if you're still feeling guilty, then thats probably a sign you should not be doing what you are doing. The Bible does not forbid foreplay but it does condemn sex before marriage and LUST. Sin is sin. If you and you're boyfriend are lusting over each other and doing things which make you want sex, in God's eyes its the same as fornication. Its all sexual immorality.

For me, anything that results in an orgasm in one or both people is not acceptable to me. Then again, I'm not in a committed relationship with someone. If I were, I may want to have some level of intimacy that would not include intercourse.

It's your relationship with yourself, with your partner, and with God that matters. You have to decide what keeps them all in harmony. I don't think anyone else can or should decide that for you.

By having any form of sex, you are not being celibate. However, nowhere in the Bible does it say you need a ceremony to be married. They didn't have weddings in those times, their bond was sexual. When they had sex, they were married. So in that sense, if you have been intimate with him, that makes you bonded in God's eyes. Just make sure you have intentions of spending your lives together.

I havent read the whole bible but Im pretty sure Jesus didnt say anything against sex before marriage. If its in the Old Testament tell me exactly where so I can see it for myself. As far as Im aware its just the established churches/denominations that have gotten the idea of condemning pre-marital sex. Theres some sense in that as it can result in unwanted pregnancies and cause jealousy and pain. But it can also be wonderful as you know...

Some mentionings. I think the effort and how much you want to do right is all that would matter to a kind, loving God, Christian or not.

Sorry if that sounds offensive, and I do know how difficult it can be. You've got to not be very nice or completely shrewd at times if no sex is a life goal.

You're doing fine, atleast you feel some "unhealthy" association, some feel nothing, but that's usually another often much more sad story.

You'll get to a point where your body is going to want what it anticipates, you'd be much more sane if you just educate yourself about potential dangers and practice safe sex. You two have already learned you can be intimate without actual sex, good job, you deserve atleast some credit for that. You've got to understand, that Bible is a mixture of laws, not always THE LAW, so be human most of all. People who have sex are no different from those who don't, they can use it as if it's a sign of "growing up" and I've met some very immature sexually actives in my day. God isn't going to smite you for experiencing hormones as a young lady. Don't let it get you down, it sounds like you really take it seriously, nothing to be ashamed from.

Religion or not, you've got to answer if you are mature enough to take it and consequences (not always bad) seriously. There are people who think Jesus was a womanizing drunk, so religion can make every thing less clear sometimes. My only advice is if you really love each other Marriage or not, the sex will take care of itself. Sex, I do know, really isn't that big of a deal if honesty and love are used.

I hope you have a great day.

Why do people get so hung up on the Christian thing? I was a ministers wife for many years and thought exactly the way you think. After being in a very abusive relationship with a minister, I decided it was a lot of nothing. Many,many ministers are spouse abusers and cheat on their wives. Remember,Christians are people too. Don't let them fool you. There is a lot of sin in our churches. Your young and don't understand all of this yet. You are having sex. Protect yourselves from getting pregnant and don't be irresponsible with
Sleeping with a lot of different partners. You'll understand more of what I am saying when you get older. Learn how to enjoy your life,without guilt. The people that judge you,are doing it themselves.

I disagree if u are not having sex with another person touching others or being touch by others u are celibate don't listen to people who say differnent each person view is different. If mastubation helps u reframe for having sex with others do u. Smh at people who think different. Just ok for instance some say being celibate hase to do with god I dissgree I'm 100-% non religious but I'm celibate all thought I don't masterbate I don't judge others who do. Haviving sex or not has nothing to do with religion it really for repoduction smh people there is no such yhing as God get s grip smh not with all theses holly preachers pastors monks and other people loke them rapping snd killingvand abusing people smoking drinkingvand using drugs please wake up and livevyour life for u smh

Hi Georgia

First of all remember that God loves you. That is number one!

If you and your boyfriend have decided not to have sex but are doing other things, that is something I feel you have to really pray about and think about as it is on your mind. If you had not decided to abstain then that would be very different.. I'm celibate and not in a relationship but have had sexual relationships in the past. When I get into a relationship I wouldn't want to touch or have oral sex because I know at some point I'd end up having sex and because I know God wants amazing things for me I don't want to have sex before marriage, I don't want anything to disturb that - But that's me and the way I feel. To me, it is risky because all of the things you mention - touching, oral sex etc are all a part of sex, eventually it will lead to sex as it is part of it! It is almost inevitable as we are only human. Sex is a natural, beautiful thing that is special and should be between husband and wife. I would pray about it, don't be too hard on yourself, make sure you and your boyfriend have other things to look forward to and ask God about it - never feel like you can't take these things to God. He will show you the answer.

Hello all and Georgia I like your honesty and I owe it by being honest as well. Matthew 5 verse 27 and 28 speaks about adultery which includes fornication being sex before marriage which is simply a sin. Now is it advised to engage in oral sex [In our case being kissing and etc.] to a person you not married to as a Christian? Genesis 24 verse 67 speaks that it is only after marriage that benefits like oral sex and other engagement are promoted which God sees as being pure. So therefore my sister do not engage in conducts that are to be done only in the circle of marriage for that is clearly against scripture.

Sexual Intercourse results in becoming one with your partner as does marriage. If you avoid such because the Bible says it's good to do such you are celibate, in my opinion, not abstinent. I'm at 27 years since the decision at 21 going for 30.

Hello Georgia,

There is something really positive here. Both of you are trying to be good followers of Jesus and that is commendable. What you are doing is trying to conquer a passion.

It is clearly written in the Bible that we alone cannot conquer passions that harm ourselves (like pride, envy, love for power, egocentrism and so on) but we can only do that with God's help.

Take a look at Romans chapter 7. Apostle Paul ( a man who had seen Jesus, and who was taken to haven and brought back) says something like 'I know what is good, but I do what I hate. Who can help me in this situation." I paraphrased it. And in chapter 8th he writes that bad habits, unwanted passions can be overcome only with the help of the Holy Spirit.

And we know that Jesus says, "here I am at the door, knocking, whoever opens I will enter and have dinner together." Rev. 3:20

You are trying to do the right thing (but oral sex is still sex), but you didn't mention anything that you and your boyfriend are doing to bring your relationships closer to God, closer to Jesus.

You can only conquer this with HIS help. Therefore, I would suggest you and your boyfriend doing this related to Christianity, involve in social activities in the church, pray together, go to church together, get involved in youth or choir ministry or any other ministry. Do daily Bible readings together and while you are long distance.

And the most important thing: in your prayers, tell Jesus literally that your door is open for HIM and ask HIM literally to enter.

Believe me, HE will enter and start the work of helping. We don't know how this happens and how HE does this, but this is called faith.

I hope this is helpful.

Hey, just the fact that you too are doing other sexual actions, as a Christian I think is not holy. We are to be holy and give or bodies to God as a living sacrifice, that is holy and pleasing unto him. If we know we should do but don't do it, do the opposite, than we are sinning. The fact that you have doubt in your mind let's you know that something isn't right. It sounds like the spirit man and flesh are fighting each other. Im not sure if this makes sense to you. But your flesh wants to keep doing these sexual acts and make you feel like it's okay. But your spirit is making you feel uneasy about. I have been there with my ex. It's not something you want to continue. Word of advice. Shall we continue in sin that grace shall abide, God forbid. We got to clean up or lives and repent daily. This means dying to our flesh and killing the desires of it. Walking in the spirit so you won't fufill the desires of the flesh. We can't make a practice of sinning. And it's important to draw nigh to God and keep him as close as possible. As a Christian, I thought I would share this with you. Just being very open and blunt. This may not be what you want to hear but it's the truth. I included some scriptures too.

I think it's unwise to assume you know what the Bible says about sex. Just Google "What does the Bible say about lust and sex" and you will find out verse by verse, If you want to conduct your behavior according to the Bible, find out all that it actually says - don't assume that you know. Jesus did not speak about all the issues that mankind deals with. Jesus' focus was on doing the will of the Father - period. Jesus walked in the Spirit at all times, not in the flesh. The flesh consists of the mind, will and emotions. You can't use what Jesus did not say as an excuse to have sex. If you want to be like Jesus, do what He did. Seek the will of the Father. That is ALL that Jesus ever did.

abstinence is actually more so for virgins, those that have never had sex and are still abstaining from it... celibacy is to not participate in sexual activity...Now God calls us to disregard our fleshly desires, if it was easy I don't think Christ would've been tempted by the things of the world when he was here. I've been where you've been and I know the want to continue in some form but sadly you cant appease both your flesh and God, it just isn't possible in this case.