aa Spoken Here Community Group
Fellowship Where you can share your thoughts, feelings, stories and get support to gain and continue sobriety.
I have a sponsee who has been in the fellowship for several years. I have sponsored her for about a year, prior to that my sponsor was her sponsor and prior to that she had several other sponsors. The longest she has been sober for is about 6months. When she drinks she always gets into trouble with the police and has been in prison several times. She went on a binge recently and has been in a mental hospital since.
She is a compulsive liar and very manipulative. She has lied to me and tried to manipulate me many times. i have stuck by her because people stuck by me when I was a complete mess and because I know that because of her reputation she will find it very difficult to get another sponsor in our local meetings. But I have got to the point that I am so suspicious and cynical about everything she says that even if she told me the absolute truth I probably wouldnt believe it. She periodically sends me texts saying she doesnt want me to sponsor her anymore and that I should forget about her etc - then a few hours later she changes her mind, apologises and begs me not to give up on her. She did this two weeks ago and i told her this is the last time. But she did it again this weekend and is now begging me to accept her apologies.
I am on a day program at the local mental health unit where she is on the ward. She will be joining a program at the day hospital shortly (though she will be on a short term program whereas I am on a long term one).
I am really struggling to find the spiritual course of action in this. One the one hand I feel I should stop sponsoring her due to the fact that I no longer believe anything she says and my reactions to everything are so cynical, she shows no inclination to do the steps right now, I will be at the same day hospital as her, feel I am being adversely affected by all the manipulation etc. On the other hand I feel that i should not give up on someone who is in a mental hospital and is struggling with sobriety and life. I have worked with some pretty challenging sponsees and I dont give up with people easily but I am really struggling here.
I want to do the best thing for her and for me but I cant quite see or feel what that is.
Anyone have any feedback on this please? Sorry it was so long.
Thanks.
She is a compulsive liar and very manipulative. She has lied to me and tried to manipulate me many times. i have stuck by her because people stuck by me when I was a complete mess and because I know that because of her reputation she will find it very difficult to get another sponsor in our local meetings. But I have got to the point that I am so suspicious and cynical about everything she says that even if she told me the absolute truth I probably wouldnt believe it. She periodically sends me texts saying she doesnt want me to sponsor her anymore and that I should forget about her etc - then a few hours later she changes her mind, apologises and begs me not to give up on her. She did this two weeks ago and i told her this is the last time. But she did it again this weekend and is now begging me to accept her apologies.
I am on a day program at the local mental health unit where she is on the ward. She will be joining a program at the day hospital shortly (though she will be on a short term program whereas I am on a long term one).
I am really struggling to find the spiritual course of action in this. One the one hand I feel I should stop sponsoring her due to the fact that I no longer believe anything she says and my reactions to everything are so cynical, she shows no inclination to do the steps right now, I will be at the same day hospital as her, feel I am being adversely affected by all the manipulation etc. On the other hand I feel that i should not give up on someone who is in a mental hospital and is struggling with sobriety and life. I have worked with some pretty challenging sponsees and I dont give up with people easily but I am really struggling here.
I want to do the best thing for her and for me but I cant quite see or feel what that is.
Anyone have any feedback on this please? Sorry it was so long.
Thanks.
I have told sponsees that the only way I know which worked for me was to do the AA program. If a sponsee wants to do the AA program, I can help them. If they insist to continue to do their own program, their way, they need to find someone else I don't know how to do their program so I can't help them.