"...we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol."

I think in early recovery I was more stringent on this - I had to be because my arse was on fire and I was in mortal terror.. But as the years have gone by, even though I do my Third Step etc, I am still fighting people, such a doctors (lots of doctors and other mental health clinicians). I am always appropriate when I speak to them, but I spend a lot of my waking hours with them in my head and a hell of a lot of energy NOT being rude or pushy whern I am in consults with them - endless Inventories about it all and endless journalling. Trouble is I really need their help. I've moved to a new town and was REALLY proactive in getting these complex medical arrangements in place before I came, but of course, "Best laid plans of Mice and Men". I have no options but to stick with the clinicians I have now because this town doesn't have many clinicians in the fields I need.

And your other quote, ""The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed." Well that just follows on and highlights why I can't go on this way with these people in my head - as a sober alcoholic, I am not like other people who might be able to harbour resentments in their head and it not damage them. To all "normies", my resentments would seem justified and they probably are justified resentments. But with me, and this HAS been the case for these 12 years in AA "justified resentments" are the kickers. If a resentment is NOT justified I seem to be able to shuck it off more easily, because I can see that I was being irrational about having the resentment in the first place. But were the resentment is justified I find it harder to kick, even though I know that both types of resentment are equally destructive.

I've moved to a new town and there are so few women here who are prospective sponsors, but there is a woman I have called who is around the same time sober as me and I "like the cut of her jib" - I like her messages and I like her sobriety, and she is also a woman who has endured great suffering aside from alcoholism. She has complex but completely different health issues to me so I think she might be a good one to call and divulge these resentments, as she has been dealing with the medical profession since she was very young. There you go, I just talked myself into a good prospective path, but all comments welcome.

good thinking wendy...give her a chance and I bet she will become a good allie to you and your needs....

this stopped fighting anything and anybody had happened with me and my dad when he surrendered...wierd as it is he wished me peace....and for him it was over...and for me it totally ended with him incapacitated by alzheimers disease that took his life a year and months ago....I used to fight the words from his mouth to the push of his hands....my dad and I did not get along at all....I liked his money and he was as tight as a tick with his money....but he had loads of money....so lesson here? Greed is one of my biggest character defects...is caused problems in my Family of origin