" I'm going fishing."
Really means... " I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,
and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

" It's a guy thing."
Really means... " There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

" Can I help with dinner " ?
Really means... " Why isn't it already on the table " ?

" Uh huh," " Sure, honey," or " Yes, Dear."
Really means... " Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "

" It would take too long to explain."
Really means... " I have no idea how it works."

" We're going to be late."
Really means... " Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

" I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means... " I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

" Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means... " I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

" That's interesting, dear."
Really means... " Are you still talking " ?

" It's a really good movie."
Really means... " It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."

" That's women's work."
Really means... " It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

" You know how bad my memory is."
Really means.... " I remember the theme song to, ' F Troop, '
the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the Vehicle
Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

" I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means... " The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

" Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means... " I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

" Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means... " And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

" I can't find it."
Really means... " It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

" What did I do this time " ?
Really means... " What did you catch me at " ?

" I heard you."
Really means... " I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping
desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

" You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means... " I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

" You look terrific."
Really means... " Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

" I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means... " No one will ever see us alive again."

" We share the housework."
Really means... " I make the messes, she cleans them up."