A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!"

source: http://www.basicjokes.com/djoke.php?id=2268

Bravo!

Two rather old retired racehorses are in a bar getting totally drunk. After about two hours the first racehorse says "You know.... when I was a young racehorse...from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 90 races, got 5 seconds and 5 thirds.... I am without doubt the greatest racehorse that ever lived....blah blah blah..."

In response to this and approximately a half an hour later the second racehorse responded, "Oh yeah...when I was a young racehorse...from one hundred starts, I won (hic) 95 races, got 2 seconds and 3 thirds.... I am the greatest racehorse that ever lived.... blah blah blah..."

Now it was about this time that the bartender (a greyhound) decided that they were drunk enough so he said, "I am sick of you two telling one another how great you are, you are both drunk and I am throwing you out of the bar, but before I do I want to let you know that when I was a young greyhound, from one hundred starts, I won 100 races, no seconds and no thirds."

The two racehorses were shocked and for 5 minutes sat with their mouths open until the first racehorse finally said, "Isn't that amazing (hic)...a talking greyhound!"

source: http://www.all4humor.com/jokes/animal-jokes/two-retired-racehorses.html

Horse racing calls are not immune in this category.

From August 22, 2010, here's the 7th race at Monmouth Park at in New Jersey. One horse in this race is Mywifenoseverything. Another is Thewifedoesntknow. Remember that because it plays a role here, especially at the end:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpSmprqptSk

This next race features a horse named ARRRRRR (seriously, that's the horse's name) and is called by the legendary Tom Durkin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0RSHFoRbiE

Pirate horse, huh? Tee-hee-hee!

A number of racehorses are in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won eight of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been eavesdropping. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

A man wakes up in the morning and it is 5:55 a.m. The temperature is 55 degrees and the humidity is 55%. He turns on his TV to channel 5. He gets up and it is May 5th. He heads to work and his car has 55,555.5 miles on the odometer. He gets to work goes to the 5th floor. He has five messages. IT DAWNS ON HIM. He rushes to the race track. His ticket is $5 and he is put in section 5, row 5, seat 5. In the fifth race is a horse called, "Double Nickels". He understands fate as spoken. He bets his entire bank account and maxes all credit cards. The race is won... DOUBLE NICKELS CAME IN FIFTH.

source: http://www.ukjockey.com/jokes.html