A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail, a ticket for $40.00, and a photo of his car. Instead of the payment, he sent the police department a photograph of two $20.00 bills. Several days later, he received a letter from the police department that contained another picture, of a pair of handcuffs.

Number one thing to not say if you are pulled by an officer of the law over while driving:

"Bad Cop! No donut!"

Food Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/2833111

Speeding Ticket

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.
"Is there a problem Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the boot if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

Nobody available

A man was going to bed one night when his wife told him that he had left the light on in the shed. She could see the light was on from the bedroom window. As the man looked for himself he saw that there were people in the shed taking things.
The man phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in the area to help him at that time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.
He said "OK," hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello" he said, "I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've shot them."
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you shot Them!" The man replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

The things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over:

- Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
- Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
- Is it true that people become cops because they didn’t get a job at McDonalds?
- I pay your salary.
- Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
- I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

Police Officers Are Just Human Beings

Police officers, believe it or not, ARE human. They come in both sexes, but mostly male. They also come in various sizes. This sometimes depends on whether you are looking for one or trying to hide something. However, they are mostly big.

Police officers are found everywhere, on land, on sea, in the air, on horses, and sometimes in your hair. In spite of the fact that "you can't find one when you want one," they are usually there when it counts most. The best way to get one is to pick up the nearest phone. Police officers deliver lectures, babies, and bad news. They are required to have the wisdom of Solomon, the disposition of a lamb and muscles of steel, and are often accused of having a heart to match. He is the one who rings the doorbell, swallows hard, and announces the passing of a loved one, then spends the rest of the day wondering why he took such a crummy job.

Police officers on television, are oafs who couldn't find a bull fiddle inside a telephone booth. In real life, he is expected to find a little blonde boy "about so high" in a crowd of a half million people, In fiction he gets his help from "private eyes," reporters and "who-dun-it" fans. In real life, mostly all he gets from the public is "I didn't see nuttin." When he serves a summons, he is a monster. If he lets you go, he is a "Doll." To little kids, he is either a friend or a "boogey-man" depending on how the parents feel about it. Police officers work around the clock, split shifts, Sundays, and holidays,and it always kills him when a joker says, "Hey, tomorrow is election day, I'm off, let's go fishing." (That is the day he works 20 hours.)

When a police officer is good, he is a "grafter, and that goes for the rest of them too." When he shoots a stick-up man, he is a hero, except when the stick-up man is only a kid, "anybody coulda seen that." Police officers have homes, some of them are covered with ivy, but most of them mortgages. If he drives a big car, he's a chiseler; a little car -- "who is he kidding?" His credit is good; that is very helpful, because his salary isn't.

Police officers raise lots of kids; mostly they belong to other people. Police officers see more misery, bloodshed, trouble and sunrises that the average person. Like the postman, the police officer must be in all kinds of weather. His uniform changes with the climate, but his outlook on life remains the same; mostly a blank, but always hoping for a better world. Police officers like days off, vacations and coffee. They don't like auto horns, family fights and anonymous letter writers. They have an Association, but they do not strike. They must be impartial, courteous and always remember the slogan, "at your service." This is sometimes hard, especially when some character reminds him, "I'm a taxpayer, I pay your salary." Police officers get medals for saving lives, stopping runaway horses, and shooting it out with bandits (once in a while his widow gets the medal). But sometimes the most rewarding moment comes when, after some small kindness to a person, he feels the warm handclasp, looks into grateful eyes, and hears, "thank you and God bless you, son."

-Author Unknown

A Blonde Police Stop

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over.
"You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked."
"'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.

The Four Basic Food Groups for Police Officers:
1.Glazed
2.Jelly
3.Powdered
4.Chocolate Frosted

Food Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/2833111

A man walks into the sheriff's office and says, "I want to become a deputy!"

"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.

The poster reads: 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'

"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful young man.

"Rustling."

Did you hear about the psycho who broke into a house and stole only the remote control? Every night he pedals his bicycle past the window and changes their TV channel.

Television Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/7626366

A woman is driving on the freeway, and knitting at the same time. A police officer notices this, drives up alongside of her, and shouts, "Pull over!" "No," she yells back. "It's a scarf!"

Clothing And Accessories Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/6455980

Chloe: What happened to the man who ran away with the circus?
Joey: The police eventually caught up with him and made him give it back.

Circus Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12764138

Chloe: What happened to the man who ran away with the circus?
Joey: The police eventually caught up with him and made him give it back.

Carnival And Circus Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12764138

What's half man and half metal, sleeps on park benches by day, and fights crime by night?
Hobo-Cop.

Bum And Hobo Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/14678109