Why were screams coming from the kitchen?
The cook was beating the eggs.

Horror Stories
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/3170741

Getting fussy eaters to eat is easy. Wrap spaghetti around meatballs and say they're hot yo-yo's.

Parenting Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/8683501

Hasty Pudding Recipe

Dig a pit 12 feet by 6 feet by 3 feet. Line it with Black Forest berries, and fill it almost to the top with equal parts of milk, flour, eggs, No. 7 caramels, and yeast. Cover the pit with shirt cardboards, and run for your life. (The pudding will bubble up and chase you.)

Jack: I made your favorite dessert - coconut pie!
Jill: Mmm...what's this brown lump in the middle?
Jack: That's the coconut.

Plant Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/6852074

Chocolate Frew Recipe

Dip a frew headfirst into melted chocolate. Serve him while he is sputtering. Have extra napkins on hand.

What's a frew? I have no clue - how about you?

The cook in our family was in tears because the dog had eaten one of the chicken pot pies. I said, "Please stop crying, I'll get you another dog."

Dog Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/4213703

Icebergers Recipe

Pick fresh icicles, run them through a pencil sharpener, and shape them into patties. Fry the patties until there aren't any. Serve them just as they aren't.

Weather Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/8235233

LOL

"I asked my wife where she wanted to go on her vacation. She said someplace she's never been before. I said, 'How about the kitchen?'"

-Author Unknown

Marriage Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/8493782

'Vacation Humor' is being looked into...

Corner Sauce Recipe

Squeeze the water out of a wet teddy bear and pour it into an umbrella stand in the corner of a front hall. Serve it there immediately.

Housekeeping Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/7718642

THANKS THESE ARE FUNNY!

Recipe for a Hippopotamus Sandwich

A hippo sandwich is easy to make.
All you do is simply take
One slice of bread,
One slice of cake,
Some mayonnaise,
One onion ring,
One hippopotamus,
One piece of string,
A dash of pepper -
That ought to do it.
And now comes the problem...
Biting into it!

-Shel Silverstein

Hippopotamus Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/5483908

Here's a tribute to one of the most amusing cooks of all time, and an absolutely atrocious attempt at a limerick, which I wrote myself:

That marvelous cook, Julia Child,
Took a trip into the untamed wild
To seek a dish nu-trish
And oh-so-de-lish,
For hot buttered fish was too mild.

-Beaumont

If you'd like to read some actual limericks that don't break the rules of rhyme, rhythm, and reason as the above one does, click on the green-letter link below.

Limericks
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/4541752

Cold Tourniquets Recipe

Fold shower curtains into long, thin strips. Roll them around frozen crayons and sprinkle with brown sugar and cinnamon. Serve on a hot day.

Penelope: I'm home, Vincent. You can serve the salad.
Vincent: How did you know we're having salad?
Penelope: There's no smell of burning.

'Family And Home Humor' is under development...