I would have to say being lonely.

Janet,

This was one of the worst feelings I had. It was the feeling of loneliness. I felt isolated even in a crowd. Thanks very much for your reply.

I have to agree, feeling lonely. Also i feel ashamed that i'm not coping.

Don't feel ashamed that you aren't coping. Depression is not easy to cope with. When people have mumps, measles, and other childhood diseases, they can relate to them but, depression is something that no-one understands unless they have had to deal with it themselves. Depression is so subtle and so hidden at times. People have it and don't know it and those that have never had it do not understand it. They think it just a "snap out of it" thing and it's definitely not.

Many times, those of us who have dealt with depression feel that there is something wrong with us as humans. We have a tendency to isolate ourselves at times, we feel like we are sub-human to some extent and, we feel that we are trapped within our own minds at times. I realize that Medication can help as can therapy but, even with these, it can be a long drawn out process, It's not like taking an antibiotic and feeling better in a few days. Some are better at "masking" depression but none the less, we still have to deal with it every day in our own way.

The lack of hope and laughter also the feeling that I and everything around me is just dark and ugly. I am fortunately not in that serious a state of despair right now but I am battling it so as not to find myself there again.

I feel hopeless and shame-based and isolated.

I feel worthless and stupid and crazy.

I don't seem to be myself or be able to be rational, even.

I think the worst thing about it is also I can't experience pleasure or joy or even care about things.

ty for this topic.

Billi

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in this world who feels this way even though it's not true. I don't know why I feel so sad or want to die, I can't even explain to somebody as to why I do. I get tired of playing this stuiped happy game. Even though my Dad is back in my life and has found out about me like this I made him promise to keep it between us, because I'm so scared of my other family member because he told me it's all in my head and so forth, and he's writing a stuiped book about his crap. I just want somebody to hold me and never let go and tell me not to worry about anything. Why is this so hard sometimes, I'M SICK OF THIS.

I get tired of my therapist telling me that I need to get out and socialize with people. Well that to me is like telling me to go move Mt. Everest. He is getting me mad because it scares me to do that. He told me last week that if I didn't start trying some of his suggestions he just didn't know how to help me. What ???? I am trying my best and he is getting me ticked off big time. I don't know what to do, find another one? I just don't know if I will ever be the same again. People bother me alot except on here.

I don't feel pleasure or joy either----nothing excites me ---- I am blah, blah, blah. Everything seems the same. I too get sick of faking that I am happy when I would like to scream at everyone !!

It is hard 2 start going to a new therapist.You have 2 get 2 the point where your comfortable to let your life story known to a stranger.Sit there wondering if they think you are just yet another person with 2 many problems.what bothers me about going into a deep depression is that my kids have 2 see me that way.And i just get so physacly and emotionaly exhausted.Its like fighting a losing battle.

had to reply to barbie's share.

I know how frustrating therapy can be.

so much they do'nt seem to understand what it is really like!

They read about it in books, but don't KNOW.

Maybe you could find another therapist who will go more at your pace and style.

I have had therapists tell me to socialize more and get "out there" and I identify with you that I can't.

And when they tell us they don't know how to help, it leaves us (me at least) feeling even more hopeless.

Billi

I do feel hopeless and don't know what to talk to him about. What does he want me to do make something up to make him feel better? He is actually a very nice person and I know he cares but is getting frustrated with me becuase it has been now 6 mos. going to him. Too bad, I don't know if I will ever get over some of the stuff that has caused this in me. That is true----I would not want to spill my guts all over again to someone new.

It does not thrill me to go out----Friday a girl I used to work with retired, so I promised my therapist I would go to her work and congratulate her and I did. She is a sweetie and I have known her for many years....but no way did that make me all better just because i left the house for a couple hours. In fact last night I had a boat load of nightmares again. I am so sick of having nighmares....does anyone else have them?

I do sometimes, and I'll just wake up scared calling out names or thinking something's bad gonna happen to me. My dreams are usually nobody listening to me, or leaving me.

My bad dreams come from my past as a Biker. I wake up fighting. I wake up yelling out loud. I wake up in a hot sweat and I have dreams about all those that I hurt years ago. I dream of the nervous breakdown I had in 1985 and sometimes I wake up thinking I am back there again. these dreams are not as often as they used to be but, when I have them, they are scary.

I relate to nightmares.

Lately they've been about my aunt.

I wake up crying or yelling in my sleep.

Billi

I think the worst think of my depression is my lack of motivation. I am a pretty energetic person, and I usually keep to myself. Handing things in on time and always showing up early, is normal for me.
But when I'm depressed, I feel like I'm aimlessly wondering around with no sence of direction.