A Child Abuse Survivors Group Community Group
We survived child abuse, but the pain still remains and so do the other effects which can last a lifetime. We are often unable to find adequate help, and we are seeking answers that can help us understand what happened so that we can go on to lead normal lives. (Please note that this is a group for child abuse survivors only. If you are a professional in the mental health...
A bit of back ground, my older sister is eight years older then me. She was born out of wedlock to a man who wanted nothing to do with her, then our mother met and married my father and I was the first child out of that union. My sister blamed me for alot of things growing up. Claiming our dad loved her until I came along, saying it was my fault she was always angry, it was my fault that she couldn't have friends over since I was such a loser etc etc etc. It escalated to worse things then just being called names. She knocked out my front teeth by smashing my face into the side of the stove when I was six. She used to lock me in a little closet for hours. She would take my favorite toys, tie me to a chair, and break them in front of me. Our father died when I was seven, my sister was fifteen and pregnant with her first child. Our mom went to work all the time and we were left alone alot. It got really bad until her first child was born, then it was just verbal....never again physical.
Now, as I grew older my sister was diagnosed with bipolar. She was medicated but eventually started self medicating and became a drug addict. She was charged with traffiking and sent to jail. While she was in jail her therapist suggested she try to contact me since I was the only sibling to cut her off during her use. I refused phone calls and agreed to letters so we started writing letters.
In one of her letters she told me her therapist said that if she said sorry, just once, and I still held on to all the hurt and the anger then it's my problem, not hers. That one...little...sorry on a bit of paper written in prison should make me let go of everything. Well it didn't stop the nightmares, and it didn't make the scars from when she stuck my hand on a lit cigarette three times go away, and it didn't make me suddenly trust her around my own daughter.
And EVERYONE agrees with my sister! They say that if I still have any ill will about what happened as a child that it's all my fault. Are they right? Because she apologized should I just let it all go? How do I let it all go? When I see her she acts like nothing is off between us, that we are these great sisters with this great bond. And we aren't.
I just don't get where I'm meant to go from here?
Now, as I grew older my sister was diagnosed with bipolar. She was medicated but eventually started self medicating and became a drug addict. She was charged with traffiking and sent to jail. While she was in jail her therapist suggested she try to contact me since I was the only sibling to cut her off during her use. I refused phone calls and agreed to letters so we started writing letters.
In one of her letters she told me her therapist said that if she said sorry, just once, and I still held on to all the hurt and the anger then it's my problem, not hers. That one...little...sorry on a bit of paper written in prison should make me let go of everything. Well it didn't stop the nightmares, and it didn't make the scars from when she stuck my hand on a lit cigarette three times go away, and it didn't make me suddenly trust her around my own daughter.
And EVERYONE agrees with my sister! They say that if I still have any ill will about what happened as a child that it's all my fault. Are they right? Because she apologized should I just let it all go? How do I let it all go? When I see her she acts like nothing is off between us, that we are these great sisters with this great bond. And we aren't.
I just don't get where I'm meant to go from here?
joleneLS
Oh I know all the steps to deal with it. I said she had no setbacks with crack....I know about alcohol. I attended Alateen and HATED it. I dont believe in a higher power and the program didnt help me. I took her out of the bar more for the others then her. Leaving her outside was more for me.
deleted_user
I dont think you should write to her if you are not ready, And it does not matter what any one thinks or feels about your actions, This is your life this is what she did to you and I would not feel guilty and I would not let any one else make you feel guilty if you dont want to write to her, I dont have any thing to do with my family, Absolutly nothing and I dont care what any one thinks, I dont know your sister but she sounds like a sociopath to me and that she really does not have a concious and sociopaths are not really truly sorry, It is just a word and every one can say they are sorry but that does not mean that they actualy are, They are wonderful manipulators and that is probably why she has convinced every one around her that every thing is alright when in reality it is not, My mother was a sociopath and I have met a few sociopaths and psycopaths, When your sister wrote you that letter saying she was sorry and telliing you that her therapist said that if you didnt accept her apology that was your problem not hers, For one thing that is a cop out and for another thing it is manipulation all the way, You dont even know if her therapist said it in those exact words these type of people have a very good way to twist and turn words around to get what they want, I really hope you are getting therapy and I think you need to know what sociopaths are and how they act, You need to start loving you taking care of you and healing from all the abuse she and other people in your life have caused you, Dont worry about any one but you and make that a priority, I really hope you get therapy and I wish you the best, And remember dont feel guilty and dont let any one make you feel guilty about any thing you did nothing wrong
deleted_user
Abuse is never your fault. Stop listening to people who do not know what they are talking about. You have to keep yoursef safe. Let your sister go. She is a stranger to you, and is not worthy of the term ''sister''. Your main concern is for your mental well being, and your safety, period.
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