Yucky Feeling
Day 52 of 365 - Man Break
Now that I don’t spend endless hours obsessing about the latest man there seems to be a lot of time on my hands and it makes me pretty antsy. I have TONS to do and TONS I want to accomplish but every time the weekend rolls around I seem to walk around aimlessly not sure where to start and not very enthusiastic about anything. I spent a lot of time with my kids and that was great but I still felt really lost. I need a focus I think. Something to look forward to. Something to get excited about. I am in a very precarious place right now because every time I stopped dating for a little while this is the time I start to feel the void and a little empty and then I fall easily into the next creep’s arms. I am totally determined not to do that again and I am encouraged that I recognize this pattern of mine but I always get stuck at this point in my recovery. It’s almost like I’m at the verge of finding out who I really am and a part of me doesn’t really want to know.
I also have a hard time with healing. This is the time I should do some healing yet because all the drama of the past seems a little distant right now I think I’m perfectly fine yet one trigger reminds me that I am not. How do I get past the hurts that were inflicted upon me? I really believe this is why I get to a point and then stop. Any thoughts about how others have healed would be welcome:)
Now that I don’t spend endless hours obsessing about the latest man there seems to be a lot of time on my hands and it makes me pretty antsy. I have TONS to do and TONS I want to accomplish but every time the weekend rolls around I seem to walk around aimlessly not sure where to start and not very enthusiastic about anything. I spent a lot of time with my kids and that was great but I still felt really lost. I need a focus I think. Something to look forward to. Something to get excited about. I am in a very precarious place right now because every time I stopped dating for a little while this is the time I start to feel the void and a little empty and then I fall easily into the next creep’s arms. I am totally determined not to do that again and I am encouraged that I recognize this pattern of mine but I always get stuck at this point in my recovery. It’s almost like I’m at the verge of finding out who I really am and a part of me doesn’t really want to know.
I also have a hard time with healing. This is the time I should do some healing yet because all the drama of the past seems a little distant right now I think I’m perfectly fine yet one trigger reminds me that I am not. How do I get past the hurts that were inflicted upon me? I really believe this is why I get to a point and then stop. Any thoughts about how others have healed would be welcome:)
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