yuck day
what is going on with me today? i feel very, "not right". I don't know how to put a finger on the exact description. I just feel all over the place. Unable to focus and get things done, and in general... depressed. Today has been a day of small failures. Nothing overly significant, but still, enough small things to just nag at me and make this day a bad one. I'm not sure that i even want to go home. Just drive somewhere dark and deserted and fall asleep in the car. To top everything off... i forgot all about my therapy appointment this afternoon. Missed it by an hour. Well, more, if you count the drive time. I hate missing appointments. I just want to find a quiet place like a thousand miles from anyone, and lay down on the ground. I would just lay there all night long. quiet and still knowing that i would never have to go back.reality is a harsh light glaring in my eyes, hurting my brain. It crushes me as certain and relentlessly as the crashing waves of the ocean. My sainity slowly erodes under the onslought. I found my medicen today. I had lost it for a day and a half. I imagine that this may have something to do with my mood. All i know is that it sucks. I wanted to talk about other stuff. Plans for going forward with my "healing". It just seems like this is just how i am going to be for a while... i dont know... maybe i should just go home.
Replies
sorry you had a crappy day (yesterday). isn\'t it the WORST, when nothing major goes wrong, but you get all these teeny, tiny minor things that just irritate the shit out of you? then to miss the therapy appointment... stale, jacked up icing. yeah, i can TOTALLY understand the urge to drive to a far away place and just lie down. i\'m sorry i\'m not very helpful and positive right now. it\'s 2:20 in the morning (Thursday) and although i can\'t sleep, my brain is fried. i can\'t think of any wonderfully opitimistic things to say. maybe i\'ll add another comment tomorrow.
just wanted you to know that i AM here if you need me - to talk, chat, vent, cry, for hugs, hysterical laughter... whatever. i got your back.
i\'m wondering why you lost your meds? NOT \"how\", but why, as i\'m thinking that maybe subconsciously you might have \"lost\" them...? could you be self-sabotaging the nice, \"level\" feeling that you\'ve been enjoying for the last couple of weeks? just curious (and brain fried)...
hang in their Keith, once you\'re back on the meds, things will level out again. (btw, don\'t forget what we chatted about, regarding talking to your med doc about a LONG TERM plan to wean you off your meds. remember too, that you need to have your therapist involved in this process as well)...
g\'nite / g\'morning (lol),
Jo