you need to get something out of what you're doing
I enjoyed doing deliveries for my parents today. I just really like doing it.
I left at 540am and got home at 730am or so. Drove a big circle around LA
and stopped at the markets where their goods are sold.
I came home really jazzed from it - and I decided to shave and shower and then
dress. I had some lunch - and then was 'at a loss' as to what to do with myself.
This is my own particular idiosyncracy and part of my illness. My energy was high -
I thought about going back to Starbucks because that woud be 'fun' but I know I can't because of
my budget. Anyways, I decided to lie down on the couch and the lying down
helped me think about things - change of perspective. I thought about maybe
exercising or cleaning off the satchel I used at Saturday's TreePeople event.
It got pretty dirty as did my old shoes that I wore that day.
It was a shift in gears mentally to think about these small tasks - you never
see people or here of people struggling with moments like these.
I just kind of realized that I need to get something out of what I do
and I knew that cleaning the satchel would fun little project - and then
went on to clean up the shoes.
It's hard for me to access a sense of commonality at times and also
a sense of direction - so I write about it here. It's what my challenge is all
about - but writing it out is helping me see my issues and kind of put
myself into action and reassurance about stuff.
Thankful for these journals!
Replies
Do you ever listen to meditations of any kind? Like when doing a physical chore syncing it to your thought processes to create a sort of mindful motion. I know that sounds weird and maybe I’m not explaining correctly. Haha
it's not weird and I like that idea - sometimes I just like tying up small loose ends here at the apartment -
I 'goof on' that kind of stuff sometimes - I used to listen to stuff on Headspace and that was nice.
Good for you!
Thanks Mid!
Way back in ancient herstory, when I was dissociated enough to deny my place in the human species, I used to believe I could move through the dysfunctional facts of my birthright without taking any of ^it^ with me when I finally escaped. Many psychotic breaks and much psychotherapy later, I have come to believe I don't get to expose myself to anything in life without taking parts of ^it^ with me, whether I want ^it^ or knot. Learning how to be aware and appreciative of those small joys which surround me has helped me make peace with that inescapable phenom. I don't get to escape the rude realities that I must get something from the things I do, but I do get to decide which parts to nurture.
Just believing. . . Proof irrelevant.
Thanks Arfie!